Interesting Childhood Memories 1: "You are my SEED!" (1074 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.64 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sparxicus (View user info) at 2005-11-05 12:02:37 EST
When I was around 12, my parents both worked all day, leaving me alone. If only life was so sweet. Actually, I was not alone at all. They left me with my Uncle Pete. Pete was a raging alcoholic, slightly insane, and thought he was a pirate. Pete was the man.
Uncle Pete was the type of person that you would least want to be alone with on a desert island, because he would probably take all the coconuts and make it into some sort of whiskey. In fact, he once transformed my Easy Sno-Cone Maker into a tequila mixer. In retrospect, I wish I had hung around Pete a lot more.
Once, on a lazy summer afternoon, I was walking to my room to get a football (real, not pigskin). In order to complete what would otherwise have been a mundane task, I had to pass the computer room. As I passed, I saw on the screen what looked like some sort of wrestling match. A naked wrestling match. With a hell of a lot of moaning. And bunny costumes. And who was not only watching the match, but apparently also trying to massage his wienerschnitzel, but good old Uncle Pete.
Now stop a moment. What would a normal gaurdian do? He would close the porn, turn around and look a bit embarrased, right? Well, normal was never really Uncle Pete's style. To quote Mr. T, Pete "played it off, fool". What would have been an awkward and potentially harmful situation was turned into a fun and educational learning experience.
"Come in here, kid. I want to show you something."
And we proceeded to have a candid talk about sex. Complete with diagrams (he paused the porn movie and drew diagrams on the screen). He showed me how to log on to the famous BangBros, with username jimmyb0, and password audison. (Ok no actual relevence to the story, but a nice treat for those of you who read this far).
And as if this was a staged performance (and come to think of it, it might have been), my dad walks through the door right on cue.
"What's going on?" my Dad asked upon seeing me on my Uncle's lap with porn on the monitor.
"Just teaching junior hear about the fact's of life."
"Well in that case, let me sum it up for you. YOU ARE MY SEED." And with that my dad left the room.
To this day, I still do not know what made him say that. I still have not been able to find an explanation for how the timing was so perfect. Or why my dad was not surprised when he walked in the door. But I do have an excuse for anytime I do anything "not acceptable". Just one of those things.
C'est la vie.
User Reviews
Submitted by Faidel (user info) at 2005-11-06 06:42:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wish I could +4 it. +2 for the story in it's own right, +2 for the pswd.
Submitted by crownofsuns (user info) at 2005-11-05 17:46:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-11-05 17:38:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck that crownofsuns guy, this was funny as hell.
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We all have our own opinions :)
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-11-05 17:38:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck that crownofsuns guy, this was funny as hell.
Submitted by crownofsuns (user info) at 2005-11-05 16:42:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"And who was not only watching the match, but apparently also trying to massage his wienerschnitzel, but good old Uncle Pete.
Now stop a moment. What would a normal gaurdian do?"
Hell what would a NORMAL kid do! Yeah, you know I always try to talk to my relatives when I walk in on them beating off.....
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-11-05 16:28:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2005-11-05 15:57:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
he once transformed my Easy Sno-Cone Maker into a tequila mixer. In retrospect, I wish I had hung around Pete a lot more.
*******
haha!
Submitted by beatjunky (user info) at 2005-11-05 15:49:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by starshine (user info) at 2005-11-05 14:16:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by Recalcitrant (user info) at 2005-11-05 14:09:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nothing could be +2ier than this post.
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-11-05 13:37:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know who's crazier, your uncle or your dad.
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2005-11-05 12:28:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+ motherfuckin' 2 for the Password!
Submitted by TenMinutesOfSunshine (user info) at 2005-11-05 12:27:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty funny. More about good ole Pete. If it doesnt exist, make it up!
Sounds like the adult version of two and a half men...
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-11-05 12:20:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this has probably shaped you as a person...
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-11-05 12:18:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehe..worth a good chortle. Work on your execution, though.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-11-05 12:17:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor poor abused child.