Reality (547 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.4 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <diamond0sea.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-11-06 13:24:52 EST
The delicate dove gray of the winter sky washes the heavens. It bears down upon the houses, smothering them in fog. They cannot breathe, they cannot see. Their hearts, hearts that are not even supposed to exist, stop beating. The snow falls. Animals that are not supposed to be out in the snow run to hide in the bushes that haven't lost their leaves. They should have. But they didn't. The little girl who is supposed to be inside trips in the snow that does not freeze her limbs and falls into the sky. She whirls about in a maelstrom of color and tears, and she lands on her side in a world that doesn't exist and can't be real.
The clocks that lay abandoned on the ground tick backwards and water runs upstream and uphills. She walks against the flow of the river by which she landed, and she looks for people who would wake her from this shocking dream of irrational falsehood. She walks until she comes to a pit that she knows is not real. A great cloud fills this pit, and it sinks deeper and deeper into the immeasurable abyss. 'Down the rabbit-hole,' the little girl thinks as she leaps into the hole. It isn't supposed to exist and she isn't supposed to be there, so she believes that it can not harm her.
Down she plummets at an incredible rate, yet she still cannot see the bottom of the cavity. The cloud swallows her in its milky cloak and abruptly stops her fall. She begins to swim through the plush layers of moisture and after what seems like hours, she reaches a pool of dark water reflecting nothing of the cloud above. She cautiously jumps into the water and is thrust downward through the lagoon onto dry land and into the world that is beginning to seem much more real than it is supposed to be. She lands in what might be a backyard with the dense cloud cover yards overhead. A child runs out of a nearby house, but this child is mere vapor and shadow and looks at her but does not see that she exists. The little girl screams and runs into a cave that leads out of the yard.
The walls of the cave are dusted with ivy and brightened with roses. She relaxes as she remembers that none of this is real and she cannot be harmed by it. She casually smells a flower and frowns in confusion. There is no scent to this budding rose. She pulls out the flower and is shocked when the stem begins to bleed. She tries in vain to stanch the flow; she tries to bind the wound with tissues and cauterize it with tears. Slowly, the blood stops flowing, and a sharp thorn grows in place of the perfect flower. All along the walls of the cave, the flowers morph into dagger-like thorns. "This isn't real," she screams, "it isn't supposed to be like this!" The thorns grow in size and reach their long green fingers towards her. She curls up on the ground in this strange world and sobs in fear. She slowly comes to the realization that this world is just as real as the one she left and that she is going to die far, far away from home. The tears stop and she is overcome with an understanding of reality that leaves her breathless and still shaking in fear. And as young as she is, she knows all she needs to know for the first and last moment in her life. The floor of the cave rises upward, and she sinks through it, encased in a familiar whirlwind of color.
She lands in the cold snow and sees that the houses are brightly lit. The pre-dusk sky is a clear, periwinkle blue. There are no leaves on the bushes nor any animals in sight. She stands slowly, feeling displaced. She walks back to her house, subconsciously knowing . . . what? She cannot remember already. She steps through the door and is embraced by her family. Her adventures and her lost knowledge are tossed to the back of her mind and discarded, only to be remembered in dreams forgotten upon her waking. Outside, everything is as it is supposed to be, yet none of it is real.
User Reviews
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-11-06 21:21:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm sure your mentally handicapped mother loved your writing as much as she loved the rapist that nailed her and made you.
Submitted by PigOnLifeSupport (user info) at 2005-11-06 20:51:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
+1 for taking a stab at surreal writing
+1 for interesting imagery
-1 for somehow managing to make it boring
-1 for making too much sense
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-11-06 16:19:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
If you want to see where you need to improve, read it aloud. There's no flow.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-11-06 15:51:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
complete and utter bollocks.
did your mummy buy you a 'writing by numbers' kit for your twelfth burfday?
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-11-06 14:51:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I have this really cool tent that's camouflaged to look like a snow-covered rock
As I read this story, I realized I should've stayed inside it
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2005-11-06 14:18:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Just don't use the word "she" 43 times (yes I counted them) in a 5 paragrapher.... PLEASE?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-06 14:13:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This was nonsense. I dare say you can progress as a writer but really this was utter nonsense. Try something a little more grounded next time and steer clear of the urge to be nebulous and 'subtle'.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-11-06 14:11:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
A bit pretentious for my tastes, but there is a lot worse out there.
Solid 0.
-Dave
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-11-06 13:54:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fer
Chrissakes, fuckstick, your writing talent doesn't exist.
_2 DIE!! 2 DIE!! 2 DIE!! 2 DIE!! 2 DIE!!
Submitted by Mothyham (user info) at 2005-11-06 13:38:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
HAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH
you suck
surrender up your pencils now