I Could Have Died in Last Night's Tonado...and I Think I Know Why (1572 hits)
Category: NewsLabels: ETS_Nonfiction
Rating: 1.52 on 53 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (View user info) at 2005-11-06 17:49:58 EST
http://www.cnn.com/2005/WEATHER/11/06/indiana.tornadoes/index.html
It was 2:00am, November 6th, 2005. The Double Dukes in Henderson, KY was kicking everyone out for the night. I had gone to see my friend Bobby's band and play some pool.
Upon exiting the establishment, I was surprised to see it was beginning to rain. Lighning was in the sky, but the rain was light and the lightning was cloud to cloud. At this point, I am unwittingly less than 3 miles from one of the most powerful tornados in the history of the state of Indiana. The rain began to pick up as I started my car and began moving.
I had a decision to make: try to make it to my mom's, which was about 40 miles to the south, or head to my own house which was about 10 miles away north in Evansville, Indiana.
In a split second decision that involved little more than the fact that I needed to do my laundry at my mom's, I decided to turn south.
Had I turned north and headed across the bridge that spans the Ohio river, I would have run smack into it. The mobile home park that keeps appearing on CNN is on my way home. It's RIGHT OFF the bypass I take every weekend. There is a racetrack called Ellis Park right across the bridge that was demolished at the exact time I would have been there had I made the wrong turn to the right instead of the left.
It's a surreal experience, knowing you could have easily died had you made one slight movement in another direction. One second's pause saves you from pulling into an oncoming semi... Leaving a building 2 seconds before it collapses in an earthquake... A missed taxi that leads to a missed plane that eventually crashes... Life is a tenuous thing. Sometimes I guess we need to be reminded of that.
If a God has anything to do with such things, perhaps that's His reason.
But my theory is that George Bush was trying to assassinate me because he knows I'm a threat to his administration with my ubersite commentary on the environment (http://www.ubersite.com/m/76156), the HAARP Project (http://www.ubersite.com/m/74830), and other issues detrimental to his agenda. Also, he's retaliating for my threat to assassinate him on uber last year (http://www.ubersite.com/m/40020). So it's clear to me that what he's done is he's called upon HAARP scientists to create a tornadic weather system to target my hometown in an effort to take me out. It only makes sense... An F4 tornado in NOVEMBER! NOVEMBER, folks! If that's NOT a sign of erratic weather possibly stemming from a larger pattern of global warming, then it's the government, more specifically George W. Bush, that has directly created the tornado with a multi-pronged purpose of gathering data, improving disaster relief image, and taking out one of its most vocal underground critics...me.
They've missed me once. Next time, who knows?
But I'll be waiting.
And I'll be ready.
User Reviews
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-07-08 10:10:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
HOly god I hope this was a joke...
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-03-20 17:21:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-11-08 22:24:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My buddy lives on the west side I think. He said it was pretty bad.
He's straight tough.
Good thing too, the bastard owes me $$$
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-11-07 22:29:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-11-07 21:02:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
good thing you are okay
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Well, if you set aside the fact that I am the Antichrist and am destined to end humanity, it is. :P
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-11-07 21:02:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good thing you are okay
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-11-07 14:21:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-11-07 14:05:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
The tornado didn't kill anyone, it just took them over the rainbow to The Land of Oz.
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That's a very interesting interpretation of the Wizard of Oz story. I have to admit, I really never thought of it as a near death experience, but I guess that's about what it was supposed to signify.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-11-07 14:05:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The tornado didn't kill anyone, it just took them over the rainbow to The Land of Oz.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-11-07 13:38:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
glad you made it, buddy.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-11-07 13:19:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit, I'm sorry. I had forgotten about that.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-11-07 13:17:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I know what you mean, but there is a specific reason I don't want to hear about little girls getting run over.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/72992
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-11-07 13:01:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm glad I heard about it.
I don't know the girls family, but thinking about what they must be going through now has given me perspective. Every time I drive past the memorial for her I get tears in my eyes. There are teddy bears on the sidewalk with all the flowers, candles, and everything else.
I try to tell myself that children die every day and there's no reason to be sad about this girl that I didn't even know, but for some reason that doesn't work.
Hmmm... I am sure I have a point to all this...
Ok, maybe I don't.
Go hug the people you love.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-11-07 12:26:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-11-07 12:18:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
An 8 year old girl who was out trick-or-treating this Halloween got hit by a car and killed in my town.
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I didn't want to hear about that.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-11-07 12:18:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
An 8 year old girl who was out trick-or-treating this Halloween got hit by a car and killed in my town.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-11-07 09:54:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-11-07 09:33:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit son, a little F4 tornada ain't nothin' ta be a'feared a. You should try comin' a might further out west some time, we'll show ya some real tornaders.
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Been there. Didn't see a twister, but I shore could see where a feller might derive a good deal of pleasure and satisfashun a-chasin' 'em thangs around. Saw some good thun'erstorms. Colorado and Kansas had some good'uns.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-11-07 09:42:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
=)
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-07 09:40:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Harsh to think that he dies in the alternative ending.
p.s. please post a video of you fooling about with nunchucks and battering yourself about the chest and head.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-11-07 09:39:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I say Tornado, You say Tonado...
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-11-07 09:33:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit son, a little F4 tornada ain't nothin' ta be a'feared a. You should try comin' a might further out west some time, we'll show ya some real tornaders.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-11-07 09:30:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-11-07 08:00:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
My buddy lives in Evansville.
He slept through it.
--------------------------
Whereabouts does he live?
It hit on the south side near the river. If it had been a mile or two north, it would have done much worse damage. Drove by that trailor park last night. From what I could tell, it was pretty well fucked. Bad scene.
Everybody's got a story at work this mornin'. I work in telecom as well, so as you can imagine, it's going to be a hellish day most likely.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-11-07 08:00:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My buddy lives in Evansville.
He slept through it.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-11-07 00:26:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now you and a group of your friends will have to avoid Death by having it skip past you again, since you were supposed to die and you threw a wrench into The Plan.
Seriously, though, go out tomorrow and do something ridiculous and spontaneous to celebrate your good fortune.
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2005-11-06 22:30:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, I guess you're SOL and JWF(Shit Outta Luck and Jolly Well Fucked).
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-11-06 21:10:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I once raced a tornado to my home. It missed me by about 1000 feet.
Talk about making the right choice.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-11-06 21:05:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Apollo: I can see where I might come off a little whiny at times. I'm working on it.
*kisses*
-ETS
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-11-06 20:59:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ets your opinions and heart are usually in the right place, plus you are one handsome man, but do you have to be so whiny about it?
Love you,
apollo.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-11-06 20:46:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, it's good to hear they're ok, albeit uncomfortably so. You're probably right about it being your turn at some point. It's just a question of 'when' really.
I know how easy it is to get numb and jaded to all the bad shit that happens to people, and if we were to feel sorrow for all of them, we'd be some pretty mopey people as a collective, but please do yourself a favor...at least don't become a cold person because of it.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-06 20:37:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
What am I doing to help?
Mostly drinking, golfing, gambling and staying the fuck out of everyone's way. It's "business as usual" in SC...probably because I'm pretty sure that next year, it's our turn for disaster-central.
I also sent some money to various agencies but I'm even losing interest in that.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-06 20:34:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Actually, I got an email no more than 20 minutes ago from one of my sisters...every one of my relatives has their power back now...but they still don't have power for the traffic lights and stuff sown there and in her words, "traffic is a total clusterfuck" but I guess the kids get to return to school starting tomorrow.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-06 20:32:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Then I apologize.
Here's a -1 to help heal the wounds.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-11-06 20:31:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy: For your information, I DID post on a couple different occasions about those hurricanes, and even tried to help by getting the CEO of my company to hire some of the displaced, but I don't expect you to acknowledge that, and I don't really NEED any acknowledgement. But if you think there's more to be said about the victims of Katrina, Rita, and Wilma, then why don't YOU say something about it instead of bitching about it when I make a post on a completely different subject?
Look, here's the deal, doe...
At every turn in my personal life as well as on ubersite, I have defended the idea that a lot of the devastating severe weather we're experiencing lately is a direct or indirect result of our own excessive burning of fossil fuels. Anytime I hear people talking about getting that new SUV, I tell them to get get a hybrid instead. I don't just sit back and keep my mouth shut. That would be easy.
I don't know how much more I can do than that at this stage without quitting my job and becoming homeless myself, although I do plan on helping the fellow members of my community in any way I can. I ain't no saint, but I ain't heartless either, dude.
I'm sorry to hear about your family and their situation. That sucks. I agree with you on this much: talk is cheap. You're right about that. I don't intend on just talkin'. At least give me a chance. And before you criticize me, why don't you tell me what YOU'RE doing for anyone who's been stricken by disaster lately. Indulge me. I'd love to hear all about it.
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-11-06 20:22:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-11-06 20:12:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
it's not often i agree with the big nosed 'tard but he has a point.
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No, actually he doesn't.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-06 20:15:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Uh oh...let me re-think my stance here...
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-11-06 20:12:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
it's not often i agree with the big nosed 'tard but he has a point.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-06 20:10:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Gee ETS...I don't seem to remember your posts about the last THREE major hurricanes and their victims in Florida, Louisiana, and Mississippi..
But this tornado ALMOST hit you. Whew! You escaped its' wrath! You're like A HERO or something!!!
And that 6-year old girl is MUCH more important than the other 1000's who died in the last two years' worth of hurricanes.
That 6 year old girl is less important - to me - than my own family. Excuse me for that, you fucking retard.
Here's an idea; 71.3% of all people killed in tornados live in Trailer Parks.
You wanna survive a tornado? Shed the "white trash" lifestyle and don't live in a "trailer park".
PS. I didn't really think you were looking for sympathy...I just fail to see how "I was almost in the tornado" warrants a post when I know at least 50 people directly impacted - including losing their entire homes and worldly possessions - the last two years in Florida and Mississippi.
17 dead...Not quite as catastrophic as the rest of the world's problems the last 120 days or so.
Also, get your pale white emo ass off the computer and go help some of these people who need it, asshole.
Less talk + more action, = more respect.
All I got out of this post is that you were close to a tornado. BFD.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-11-06 20:09:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's weird to see my hometown on BBC.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/4412180.stm
I didn't even know about the severity of the storm until this morning. Sure the wind and rain were extremely heavy, and I had to pull off the road about a mile down from the bar because it was too intense and visibility was near zero, but there was little reason to believe that it was much more than a severe thunderstorm. At one point, I did turn on the radio and hear a tornado warning, but it's not unusual to get those in storms. Tornado warnings are issued if the Dopplar Radar sends back a signature hook echo, or if ground spotters spot one on the ground or in the clouds. I turned on CNN Headline News this morning when I woke up and it was like the top story in the fucking country. To say the least, my jaw kinda dropped, especially when I considered how close I was to being in the middle of it.
Submitted by crownofsuns (user info) at 2005-11-06 19:58:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Awwwwww............
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-06 19:55:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
crownofsuns says:
If you have millions, and you care so much about your relatives in Fla. Why
are you writing about it on Uber and not having them come stay with you?
Well, let me see...
1) Because I don't want them here messing up my estate
2) Because I don't like them
3) Because
4) None of your fucking business, douchebag
5) How do you know they're NOT ALREADY HERE?
6) Can they stay at your house?
7) Ummm, probably because they LIVER and WORK in Florida
8) Thy're more thean welcome to stay with me any time they'd like, ya nosy fuck
9) As long as they leave those little fucking annoying doggies home
10) The last thing they want to do is stay with me
In conclusion, mind your own fucking business
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-11-06 19:52:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by yeahthatme (user info) at 2005-11-06 19:09:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
Tornados suck so much ass. They're the only natural disaster that I have nightmares about.
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I have dreams about tornados all the time. We actually have quite a few in this region, even though we're not really in what's traditionally considered tornado alley. A couple years ago, a tornado demolished Providence, KY where my sister was living at the time. She lived at the foot of a hill that fortunately caused the F3 twister to skip her house. It did, however, proceed to tear the rest of the town to unrecognizable smithereens.
One of the unconscious things that might have saved me last night is the fact that I had a dream a few years back that has always stuck with me about encountering a tornado on the Evansville bridge, ironically enough. In my dream I was walking across the bridge for some reason instead of driving when a tornado lifted me up off the bridge. I remember the feeling, which was both mortifying and liberating in a way. It was as if I'd resigned myself to death, so I didn't mind. As soon as I was lifted over the side of the bridge, the whole world faded to white and I woke up. Upon waking, I couldn't shake the feeling that in some alternate dimension I'd actually died, and this was somehow my second chance. I walked around for days in the afterglow of that dream. It's stuck with me ever since.
Shlongy: I'm not looking for sympathy. I was just trying my best to make light of a serious situation...one that very easily could have resulted in my untimely demise. I do not exaggerate when I say that I could have died if I'd gone to my house in Evansville last night, that's all. However little it might mean to you, it was none-the-less poignant to me - very much like Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken".
This post is not a ploy for sympathy, although I think the 22+ people whose bodies they've recovered so far might deserve to be in line for a little, or the family of the 6 year old girl who was among them, or the hundreds of people now without homes and/or loved ones. I think if you are really as cynical as you come off in your reviews sometimes, Shlongy, you'd do the world a favor by just offing yourself and getting it over with. Open your eyes...not everybody is as big an asshole as you present yourself to be.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-11-06 19:47:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-06 19:31:11 (#)
Ranking: -1
apollo - You ignorant wanker;
It's got nothing to do with money.
There's no power in many neighborhoods...alot the "power company dudes" were still working on the power issues from the LAST batch of hurricanes two months ago...many are out of Florida in Mississippi, Louisiana, etc. helping THEM out. Even then, it takes weeks to get the power back up and running to full capacity...the damage from the last hurricane was so widespread.
Toss in the fact that there's a severe shortage of materials - lumber is scarce in Florida because of the last TWO years of hurricanes and storms - and there's an even bigger shortage of Contractors and workers to start putting the pieces back together, and basically, nothing is getting done.
My millions can't even help them. '''
it's called a 'joke' el schnozo.
I like that you used the word 'wanker' though, finally even a man who goes around in 90+ is getting educated. who'd a thunk it?
Submitted by crownofsuns (user info) at 2005-11-06 19:35:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-06 19:31:11 (#)
Ranking: -1
apollo - You ignorant wanker;
It's got nothing to do with money.
There's no power in many neighborhoods...alot the "power company dudes" were still working on the power issues from the LAST batch of hurricanes two months ago...many are out of Florida in Mississippi, Louisiana, etc. helping THEM out. Even then, it takes weeks to get the power back up and running to full capacity...the damage from the last hurricane was so widespread.
Toss in the fact that there's a severe shortage of materials - lumber is scarce in Florida because of the last TWO years of hurricanes and storms - and there's an even bigger shortage of Contractors and workers to start putting the pieces back together, and basically, nothing is getting done.
My millions can't even help them.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If you have millions, and you care so much about your relatives in Fla. Why
are you writing about it on Uber and not having them come stay with you?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-06 19:31:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
apollo - You ignorant wanker;
It's got nothing to do with money.
There's no power in many neighborhoods...alot the "power company dudes" were still working on the power issues from the LAST batch of hurricanes two months ago...many are out of Florida in Mississippi, Louisiana, etc. helping THEM out. Even then, it takes weeks to get the power back up and running to full capacity...the damage from the last hurricane was so widespread.
Toss in the fact that there's a severe shortage of materials - lumber is scarce in Florida because of the last TWO years of hurricanes and storms - and there's an even bigger shortage of Contractors and workers to start putting the pieces back together, and basically, nothing is getting done.
My millions can't even help them.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-11-06 19:22:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wait...i thought you were british.
wtf?
Submitted by yeahthatme (user info) at 2005-11-06 19:09:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tornados suck so much ass. They're the only natural disaster that I have nightmares about.
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-11-06 18:57:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What is it with you and tornados? They seem to be following you around these last four years or so.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-11-06 18:44:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-06 18:36:09 (#)
Ranking: -1
Pardon me if I don't have any sympathy but two of my sisters and my mom STILL don't have power from the goddamn hurricanes three weeks ago in Palm Beach, FLA.
Their enclosed back patio is two neighborhoods away, and my one sister has tarp for part of her bedroom roof.
Get in line for the sympathy train. """
why dont you use your trillions of dollars and help them out then?
Submitted by crownofsuns (user info) at 2005-11-06 18:43:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Where I live at in Tx. We get tornado watches, warnings, and actual hits many times a year. I feel you.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-06 18:36:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Pardon me if I don't have any sympathy but two of my sisters and my mom STILL don't have power from the goddamn hurricanes three weeks ago in Palm Beach, FLA.
Their enclosed back patio is two neighborhoods away, and my one sister has tarp for part of her bedroom roof.
Get in line for the sympathy train.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-11-06 18:15:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Saw that on the news this morning and my first thought was "I'm glad I didn't move to Kentucky". Glad to hear you're unscathed, I hear that having metal splinters driven clean through your body, or being picked up and flung a thousand yards is a real downer.
Submitted by starshine (user info) at 2005-11-06 18:00:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
nice save.
Submitted by prozacaddict (user info) at 2005-11-06 18:00:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Crazy
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-11-06 17:59:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, it was a 'Tonado'...not the usual 'Tornado' you hear so much about. This was something more.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-11-06 17:55:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Filthy: Funny you should say that... :D
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-11-06 17:52:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 live.
The irony is, you'll count yourself lucky for not getting killed and then go smoke a cigarette.