a modest performance (482 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.44 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by jack aholic <theshadypeach2000.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-11-07 02:10:03 EST
I pull back the slide of my Ruger. It makes a very satisfying 'slap' as the slide glides back and the gun rechambers, like the sound of somebody clapping. The noise streams into my head and echoes around my bleeding skull like applause from a crowd.
I imagine my handgun is clapping for me.
It's calling for an encore performance.
A smile overtakes my face and I oblige.
I play the trigger like I'm playing the grand piano, and the muzzle flashes dazzle my eyes. I'm seeing stars all around the room, sparkling and dancing and laughing. They twinkle and dance in the spurts of blood reflected under the fluorescent lights. The brass casings blanketing the floor roll and ripple around like ocean waves. They sparkle too, along with the flames bursting from muddied, blood-caked guns, like sunlight glimmering off a pond in the sunset. The gunshots feel like drums I'm dancing to, and my heart's pumping and jumping and playing along. The steady beat pounds on my head and I feel so alive.
Moments like these remind me of Beethoven. Can you hear it?
Whenever I sit down for a listen I forget where I am. He's brilliant. The deaf man conducts like an artillery general, bombarding me with notes and melodies like machineguns that riddle me with countless feelings.
With a roar of thunder and flashes of lightning the room fell quiet. The calls of rifles and handguns grew dull and were silenced altogether. The last of the empty shells settle on the floor, jingling against the wooden floor like a small crystal bell. As the smell of burning pork and gunpowder creep up my nose, I begin to wonder...
Who the hell was I shooting at?
User Reviews
Submitted by Wolf (user info) at 2005-11-07 14:11:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Who the hell was I shooting at?
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If your aim is as bad as your writing, you might as well have been firing blanks.
Please stop!
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2005-11-07 13:53:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you didn't shoot your pet pot-bellied pig, did ya? gross
Submitted by theshadypeach (user info) at 2005-11-07 11:31:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow. in retrospect...i used the word 'like' about a dozen times in 4 sentences. Eww.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-11-07 10:59:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Yeesh, I didn't think it was that terrible. Though you WAY overused the similes, and the entire thing was just overdone in terms of imagery. I think I see what you were trying to go for, but you missed it.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2005-11-07 10:16:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"...Nuthin' left to do but simile, simile, simile..."
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-11-07 05:18:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you write like Harold Lauder.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2005-11-07 05:17:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Like a boring scene from a boring movie like those I saw in my childhood, this boring post, like a boring poem makes me want to murder you by beating you over the head with a folding chair entitled "similies" like you tried to do to us like you deserve.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-07 05:13:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Honestly didn't like this. Stop abusing adjectives.
Submitted by beatjunky (user info) at 2005-11-07 03:43:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What the hell was this piece of crap?
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-11-07 02:22:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Hopefully, yourself.