The King and the Seer (560 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.11 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sparxicus (View user info) at 2005-11-07 20:16:18 EST
This is my first attempt at writing fiction. Please feel free to pile on the criticism.
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The king paced nervously in his chamber. He was the ruler of a small kingdom in England, and the year was 1704. Diseases and war tore destroyed kingdoms, communities, and families. It was indeed a dark age. The king, King Alfred IV, knew that it was only a matter of time before his kingdom was demolished. It indeed was written in the Book of Fate.
The doors burst open and sunlight poured into the dark chamber.
"Your majesty, the seer is here to see you."
"Send him in at once."
An old frail man hobbled into the room. He seemed weak yet so very strong at the same time. There was an aura of nobility and power around him that demanded respect from those around him.
"Your majesty." The seer attempted to bow, but stumbled and would have hurt himself if the guard had not caught him in the nick of time.
"Please have a seat." The king motioned towards a small wooden table lit by a solitary candle. "You may leave." He gestured towards the guard who bowed and closed the enormous doors behind him. It could easily be seen that the room was designed for secrecy.
The seer took his seat, and the king took his.
"My friend." The king tried to appear warm and welcoming. He poured wine into two goblets. "Drink my friend, drink."
The seer took a sip out of respect. "Why did you call for me, sire?"
"I will not try to disguise the matter as something it is not. Tell me how my kingdom will meet its end."
At this, the seer started to laugh uncontrollably.
"Do you find this funny?" the king inquired now letting his pent up rage emerge. "Are you a traitor to the crown?!"
The seer controlled his laughter and settled into a knowing smile. Yet, he said nothing.
"Tell me how it will end, seer!" The king pounded on the table, causing wine to splatter everywhere.
The seer, ever the image of calm, replied "It is really quite amusing, your majesty. Whereas other kingdoms are falling from war and contamination, yours will fall due to one fool making one stupid mistake."
"And just what is that mistake?" The king had now controlled his temper and assumed a role of hospitality once again.
"I can say no more. Only fate knows the ending of this story." The seer still had the look of omniscience on his face.
"What is the mistake friend?"
"I have already answered you. I will say no more."
"One more chance, seer. What will be the mistake?"
"All in due time, sire."
The king rose in fury, drew his sword, and without another word slashed the seer through the heart. The seer looked down at his wound, smiled, and collapsed to the floor for the last time. "Fate will not bind me!" the king cried to the empty chamber walls. He finished his wine in one gulp, and then finished the seer's. "Fate WILL NOT bind me!"
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The advisor entered the king's royal chamber. The king told him of his predicament. The advisor smiled and whispered something in the king's ear. In that moment, the king's face lit up, and hope was restored to his heart.
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The months that followed were ones of terror and fright. Every man was given a bow and a quiver full of arrows. They were to carry them everywhere, and they did. In the town center, it could be seen that every man, along with every woman and child, carried their own bow and arrows. Every member of the kingdom was told that there would be one fool who would destroy them all. Every man who did something foolish was to be shot without a moment's hesitation.
Even in houses, which were no longer homes, every member of the family carried their weapons. Morals were thrown to the wind, and it was not uncommon to see husband turn on wife, wife on children, children on father. Friends turned on each other, children shot and killed each other if even one mistake was made. For in those days, one mistake was enough to brand one as a fool.
Years passed, and the town was one giant battlefield. Bodies were strewn in the roads, the markets, each with the signature arrow in the back, signifying that they each had made a fatal mistake. There were so many bodies, that nobody bothered to pick them up anymore. And when one noble man made an effort to pick them up, he was promptly shot. After all, he could have caught and spread some mysterious disease from picking up bodies.
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Five years passed, and only two men were left. The king and his minister. They sat in the palace, looking over the carnage that their kingdom had become. The minister turned to the king and insinuated that perhaps, this was a mistake. And the king slashed him through the heart.
The king then collapsed on his bed as the meaning of the seer's words dawned on him.
He realized who the fool was.
And he slashed himself through the heart.
User Reviews
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-11-14 17:55:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
POST MORE NIGGER
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2005-11-08 04:52:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
add "...it could be seen that..." to the list below.
And 1704? Seems about 600 years too late for this.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-11-08 03:57:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This was a decent story, nice twist on an old tale.
Your language is awkward, and detracts.
'Diseases and war tore destroyed kingdoms, communities, and families.'
'The king, King Alfred IV, knew '
'the seer is here to see you'
fix stuff like this when you proof your writing.
Submitted by Ferretnose (user info) at 2005-11-08 00:26:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this- it reminds me of The Emperor's New Clothes. I love fairy tales.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-11-07 22:37:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
you write well.
i say, pick something a bit closer to the bone and write.
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-11-07 20:57:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not bad at all for a first shot. You show some promise, keep it up.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-11-07 20:43:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Someone said it was predictable, but, even so, it was well written.
Submitted by Auf-Der-Maur (user info) at 2005-11-07 20:35:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Kinda predicatable, and quite a few plot holes. Not horrible, but it could have been much better
Submitted by olivia_tremor_control (user info) at 2005-11-07 20:28:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it was a little odd, but not that odd considering some of the stuff on this site. but i liked it a lot.