Uber Got me Fired (too) (1891 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.51 on 77 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Zoidberg (View user info) at 2005-11-08 16:11:02 EST
"Zoidberg, do you recognize this?"
Uh oh. I sure did. I had written the paper in question on a hurried 15 minute break late one night in the office. I could see where this was all going. Using company property. Company ink and paper.
Then I knew why my boss had finally expedited my petty cash request for expenses incurred on a business trip. And why she had been looking more closely at my time and attendance.
Since it was written over a month ago, and had failed to print (or so I had thought) I knew they had been holding onto it for awhile. This was planned. They had been covering their asses for the past month for the chance to fire me today. Well. Fuck 'em. If you have to go out, I always say give the hangman a smile and a kiss.
"Oh my G_d yes. Thank you so much. I was so upset when it wouldn't print. I have a deadline on Friday that you just saved me from."
Judging from the looks on both of their faces, that wasn't quite what they expected me to say.
"Well we read this. Don't you think it's offensive?"
"Not really, but then I have a sense of humor."
"Well what if (insert black employee's name) had read this. Dont you think she would have taken offense?"
"If she didn't have a sense of humor maybe."
The interview went as expected. They laid out their grievances and why they couldn't keep me on. I made sure it appeared I was only half paying attention as I looked over what I had written a month earlier. Halfway through I asked for a pen and started editing it in front of them.
When it was all said and done I walked with my boss back to her office to hand over a few keys. She told me good luck and tried to shake my hand.
Being the courteous gentleman I am, I looked her straight in the eye, smiled, and told her, "Well I may be fired, but I have a college degree and am about to go to law school. You're a middle aged divorced mother of one who works for a department store. I think I win."
Then I laughed and walked out.
She's a recovering alcoholic so the way her shoulders slumped after I said that makes me suspect she's going to have a date with a Mr. Jack Daniels tonight.
In conclusion, my smiling and being polite throughout the whole ordeal guarantees me a place in heaven. the end
User Reviews
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-05-02 13:29:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-05-02 13:26:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
wow, another asshole.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-05-02 13:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No you don't.
God hates fags.
Submitted by the_thorne (user info) at 2006-05-02 12:56:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Way to go.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-01-21 18:25:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good. really good.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2006-01-21 18:06:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2006-01-21 13:31:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
I worked loss prevention for a department store.
horrid little job, very little pay. fun tackling people though
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-01-17 00:35:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:25:45 (#)
Ranking: 1
Way to stay in control. I encourage you to graduate Law School, slave away at some firm for a few years, develop a cadre of clients, start your own shop, and be successful enough to not fire an underling for ubersiteing when they should be putting money in your pocket.
----------------------------
damn right...
since you're no longer employed there... can you tell us what shithole place you were working for that had the audaticity to fire you?
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2005-11-15 21:21:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've missed Uber. I just came back and found that the 'search for your name in reviews' function has been fixed. Well, half of them are you taking cheap shots at me. Doesn't really matter, just curious as to if I did something or said something wrong to you. I fully understand if you don't like my writing style, for it is very formulaic-- but the cheap shots are a bit low.
Just curious, nothing more. Take it easy.
Submitted by sizzlemctwizzle (user info) at 2005-11-10 22:58:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was great. They can go to hell. Way too go.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-11-10 22:56:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-11-10 22:45:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
COuld have been worse.
Could have been my post about Electro getting me fired...
That was a bad post.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-11-10 22:39:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
no
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2005-11-10 17:22:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Umm, right. cunt.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-11-09 14:23:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cruel, but rather deserved.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-11-09 12:40:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2005-11-09 12:01:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hooooooooly shit, kid
now i want to hire you just so i can fire you
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-11-09 11:48:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This is why I never print anything anymore. Hard copies = hard evidence.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-11-09 09:52:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2005-11-09 07:26:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-11-08 18:31:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-11-08 17:26:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Utter beauty. It's hilarious when people of color read things that aren't meant for them to see. Like the stuff we all post up inside of WHITES ONLY bathrooms. """
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN OUR TOILET JEWBOY?
====
HAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-11-09 05:01:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
is that MJ the alter?
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-11-09 04:35:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
MJ?....uh oh....it's Amber Alert time
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-11-09 04:24:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Store credit?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-11-09 03:01:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you're such a cocksucker, fucking with a hopeless pathetic cunt like that.
Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2005-11-08 22:50:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-11-08 22:25:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I could get fired
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-11-08 21:53:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Well I may be fired, but I have a college degree and am about to go to law school. You're a middle aged divorced mother of one who works for a department store. I think I win."
I think I said something similar when I got fired from McDonald's.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-11-08 21:45:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
find yourself a power-bottom, have a little fun, and move on with your life
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-11-08 21:25:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by morbo (user info) at 2005-11-08 21:09:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
stupid french
*********************
"How's the family, Morbo?"
"Belligerent and numerous."
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2005-11-08 21:22:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
U r teh sexxxxxy.
Submitted by morbo (user info) at 2005-11-08 21:09:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
stupid french
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-11-08 20:50:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
rock and roll.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-11-08 19:55:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-11-08 19:38:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-11-08 19:24:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
And her little chuckle with the "You might want to save your money" comment negated any obligatory nice guy feelings I was supposed to have towards her.
===========================
Good point, well made. I retract my "you're a mean little homo" statement to just "you're a little homo."
:-)
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-11-08 19:24:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. I love reading shit like this. Office fun.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-11-08 19:24:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Again, no sympathy. I got fired for the content of my writing, little else.
And her little chuckle with the "You might want to save your money" comment negated any obligatory nice guy feelings I was supposed to have towards her.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-11-08 19:18:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a mean little homo. Shit happens to people man. I have a degree from Texas A&M (albiet outdated because I graduted in 1990). I no longer own my home, have health insurance, had to wipe out my 403b, lost my wife and children, and can't find a job. I don't have enough money to buy food, pay rent or bills inherited from my wife, and my car is about to die, making it impossible for me to transport in case I DO find a job.
All because of two absolutly unrelated decisions made by two seperate people, seemingly at random.
Don't mean to be a whiney bitch, and I'm sorry you lost your job, but I know how that woman felt when you made her shoulders slump.
Just me though. Good luck.
Submitted by Required_Reading (user info) at 2005-11-08 19:06:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
kick ass ending line brotha!
+ fucking 2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-11-08 18:52:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, this confused me. Either the situation was poorly explained, or I'm half-retarded. It's a toss up.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-08 18:50:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think bank robber would suit you just fine.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-11-08 18:42:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
eh I really don't want to be a lawyer Teeph, but between working a depressing job and making decent money and working a shitty 9-5 for the rest of my life, being a lawyer wins out.
too bad I didnt have this revelation when I was an undergrad. Then I might have paid more attention to my GPA...
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-11-08 18:42:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
political correctness blows. Besides, you're a homo. You should be allowed a little slack on racism.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-11-08 18:31:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-11-08 17:26:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Utter beauty. It's hilarious when people of color read things that aren't meant for them to see. Like the stuff we all post up inside of WHITES ONLY bathrooms. """
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN OUR TOILET JEWBOY?
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-11-08 18:28:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Being the courteous gentleman I am, I looked her straight in the eye, smiled, and told her, "Well I may be fired, but I have a college degree and am about to go to law school. You're a middle aged divorced mother of one who works for a department store. I think I win."
DON'T DO IT!!!!
IT'S NOT WORTH IT! ASK JEANEEE, ASK ME, ASK ANYONE JUST DON'T DO IT!!!!
IT'LL CHANGE YOU MAN, IT'LL CHANGE YOU. I'VE SEEN SHIT THAT WILL TURN YOU *WHITE*!!!
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-11-08 18:28:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Man I can't wait to get fired from this job.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-11-08 18:14:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:41:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
In the dim light of the plasma monitor, a wry smile softened Bart's features as he carved yet another notch into his keyboard.
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2005-11-08 18:14:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Priceless.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-11-08 18:00:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I know, Faggy. That way he can actually love the night life. You know he loves ta boogie.
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2005-11-08 17:53:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what was it you wrote? which post?
I'm so getting you drunk tonight and taking advantage of you ... does this mean you'll actually be off on a weekend night now?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-08 17:45:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm rather shocked that they would fire you for something so minor, but then again I often wonder if it's only a matter of time before the powers that be lock Zoidy up for all the widdle children he's murdered by being gay.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-08 17:41:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Uber: Getting people fired since 1988
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-11-08 17:30:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like you have (had) a very gestapo workplace. They made you sign disclosures to take a paper clip from the supply closet, didn't they? That makes bribery all the easier. "Why would you want to keep THAT little paper when you could have this whole REAM? 500 Count! Eight and a half by eleven - standard letter size!"
If they don't break down drooling right there, I can guarantee they'll feel degraded...
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-11-08 17:26:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Utter beauty. It's hilarious when people of color read things that aren't meant for them to see. Like the stuff we all post up inside of WHITES ONLY bathrooms.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-11-08 17:16:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:41:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
In the dim light of the plasma monitor, a wry smile softened Bart's features as he carved yet another notch into his keyboard.
hahaha I love it
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-11-08 17:11:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-11-08 17:04:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Uber's "These are more than just charcters from a story - they are real people, with real lives of their own. They are your victims"-Attitude really pisses me off when great stories like this get slated.
Good-motherfucking-job.
(excuse the ironic pun)
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:54:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A fag lawyer...An interesting concept.
Nice job with the shit-canning though. Handled with class.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:47:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And one more
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:47:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Forgot...+2
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:47:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:41:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
In the dim light of the plasma monitor, a wry smile softened Bart's features as he carved yet another notch into his keyboard.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:41:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In the dim light of the plasma monitor, a wry smile softened Bart's features as he carved yet another notch into his keyboard.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:36:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good one.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:28:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well the thing was, I was on my break. They fired me strictly for the content.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:25:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Way to stay in control. I encourage you to graduate Law School, slave away at some firm for a few years, develop a cadre of clients, start your own shop, and be successful enough to not fire an underling for ubersiteing when they should be putting money in your pocket.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:24:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn you, Uber.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:24:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
they fired you because you are a gay racist.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:23:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
We don't like your kind around these here parts. Y'all are an abomination in the eyes of our awlmahtee Jeezus Chrahst.
Jews...pfffh.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:22:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
indo - she deserved it. She gave me the petty cash voucher and I joked "hey I'll buy everyone lunch." then she told me "you might want to save your money" and chuckled.
Then 15 minutes later she called me into the office and fired me.
Crappy job I was going to quit anyway. I'll survive.
And it was a sequel to The Santa Claus Dildo Adventures http://www.ubersite.com/m/54469
basically more stories of my friends and I fucking around at christmastime
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:19:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This would have been a +1, but gets bumped to +2 for this...
"The interview went as expected ... Halfway through I asked for a pen and started editing it in front of them."
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:19:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rock on.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:19:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't see how this relates to Uber but congrats on your being a cock and all bloggy and stuff.
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:19:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I left a thermos of coffee on my office credenza for a week.
I thought it was empty.
When I got it home the other day and realized it wasn't, i could swear that there was life in there.
I think I grew my own sea monkeys.
Submitted by Lmarie22000 (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:18:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sucks you got fired, but good for you for handling it so well.
Exactly what was printed out that got you canned?
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:17:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes Comment.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:15:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, you showed her.
way to go, she seemed terrible.
A middle aged single mother who had to fire you for fucking around, and she had the nerve to try and be nice about it.
Glad you showed her.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:15:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHA That's great...........if it's true. If not, that gives you a ticket straight to hell because lyin' if fo the debble.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:15:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a date with Jack Daniels too!
Does that make me ghey>?
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:13:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. Most Assholish comment I've heard in a while.
Congrats!