Help Me Plan Where to Go on My Honeymoon (1563 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.82 on 53 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by yewslus (View user info) at 2005-11-08 16:47:29 EST
I must be crazy to ask for this kind of advice from such a motley group of individuals and motherfuckers. Alas, Uberites, I am grasping my final straw. Help me, Ubersite, you're my only hope.
I am signing my soul to the devil on July 8th of 2006. I have let my better half pick out the details of the actual wedding to her personal specifications. I left her only one caveat: I am in charge of booking the honeymoon. I specifically gave myself this chore in order to ensure that:
- The location chosen is to my personal liking
- Adequate nightlife is available
- There are plenty of bungaloes, deserted beach coves, streetcorners, dark alleys, etc. that I can use for my dark sexual purposes.
- The place doesn't plain SUCK.
I throw myself at the mercy of YOU, the common Uberer, to help me formulate the perfect honeymoon destination. When possible, list things that you have done at each given resort/cruise/destination that were memorable. There are only a few key stipulations that I require.
The total amount of the honeymoon should not exceed US$10,000.00, including airfare from Newark, NJ
There must be some GOOD nightlife available nearby (clubs, bars, basically anywhere I can find a pill of ecstacy and/or a joint)
The resort or destination must have deluxe accomodations. I'm looking for a roomy suite with a great view. None of this theroombarelyhasenoughspaceforthistwinbed junk. I'm looking for king bed, preferrably with a full-size bar, couch, large balcony, whirlpool, etc. I want the works for my ten large.
If you have pictures of said destination, please follow up with an email to yewslus.at.gmail.com
If you have pictures of naked locals sunbathing their gorgeous cans on the beach/by the pool/ on the Lido deck, you may forward them as well.
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"Why the Hell should I help YOU?"
If I like any of the recommendations that you insane bunch of social misfits submits, I will send you 'pics' from the honeymoon. Yes, 'those' pics.
Let the ideas fly...
User Reviews
Submitted by JSultan (user info) at 2005-11-12 05:01:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dubai is cool. But you can not have your dark sexual encounters in public.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-11-10 15:16:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-11-10 13:22:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
I still want to know why you chose Hackensack, fucker!
You're freaking me out. That is where I work.
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hahahahahahahaha
no particular reason i picked it, other than it is a funny sounding name for a city and it was the first thing to pop in my head when I read your post. i guess i'm clairvoyant or something like that.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-11-10 14:34:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I have been checking out Carnival cruises for the longest, but I haven't been on one yet. Sure, I would love to, but I'm not sure it will carry the 'unique' value that a specific destination would.
I don't know.
I don't want to fuck this up.
Submitted by Darshiscool (user info) at 2005-11-10 13:23:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I recommend going on a Carnival Cruise, we've gone on five of them, and it never gets old. They got tons of entertainment on board, and when you get to the islands, theres so much fun stuff to do, go to Jamaica and you'll even score some hash. Even the rooms are ginourmous, WITH a balcony. It's pretty sweet. Go on a 7 day cruise it's definetetely worth it.
congrats on the marraige by the way
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-11-10 12:58:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the info, phuz...
You, too, Stin.
I'm going to check out all, but South Africa may be a bit out of range.
And the drug part doesn't really matter. It's the QT that I'm looking for.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-11-10 12:55:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-11-10 09:49:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-11-09 12:01:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-11-09 11:49:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
Hackensack, New Jersey
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Oh, REALLY?
Why would you say that?
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Because it has the greatest tourist attractions in the world - historic military artifacts!
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You lost me.
But you're freaking me out, because I work in Hackensack, NJ
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-11-10 10:41:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
As someone who was there once a week, every week for two and a half months, I don't recommend Cozumel. You'll be driven round the bend by people trying to sell you things.
Also, if you cruise, I'd recommend either the very big or very small ships, although you might suffer on the entertainment side on the very small side.
I know that's really not helpful at all, but if I think of anything better I'll let you know!
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-10 10:40:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Check out Jordan, I think there is a fire sale or something
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2005-11-10 10:28:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I hear Fire Island is nice this time of year.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2005-11-10 10:18:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
www.cluborient.com
Check out the web site. 'nuff said. I'll be back there this August, without fail.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-11-10 10:05:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Depends on how far you want to travel. If you want to stay in the US, I have no idea where to send you. If you want to go a bit farther, but don't want to drop loads of cash, then there's a few places that are dirt cheap, exotic, have great drugs, bars and rooms, and wimminz get all weak-kneed when the y realise they're being flown around instead of chucked into the local Holiday Inn.
You could try:
- Dalmation Coast of Croatia. Very mediterreanean (sp?) but not as touristy.
- Zanzibar. Aboslutely amazing, anywhere on the island.
- Mozambique. Hear me out: go here www.barralodge.co.za they cater very well for the overseas market without ripping you off, they have awesome hash & weed, and it's one of the most affordable, vibrant undiscovered pots of gold in the southern hemisphere.
- Kruger Park, South Africa. Hey, I'm biased, but some people like the idea of going to 'the bush' for their honeymoon. It's something different.
I have loads more suggestions, but I dunno whether you want tropical, far, near or snow. Congratulations though, all the best.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-11-10 09:49:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-11-09 12:01:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-11-09 11:49:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
Hackensack, New Jersey
------------------------------------
Oh, REALLY?
Why would you say that?
-------------------------------------
Because it has the greatest tourist attractions in the world - historic military artifacts!
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-11-09 12:01:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-11-09 11:49:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
Hackensack, New Jersey
------------------------------------
Oh, REALLY?
Why would you say that?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-11-09 11:49:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hackensack, New Jersey
Submitted by DrFrumunda (user info) at 2005-11-09 11:32:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You should go to divorce court.
Marriage is an institution for suckers.
I hope you got a pre-nup.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-11-09 09:26:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
canvey island.
Submitted by BingBongBing (user info) at 2005-11-09 09:17:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Its clear where you need to go, Fiji, for both tickets it will run you 3,000 alone, but once youre there it costs nothing, so youd be under 10k, the only airline that will get you there is Air Pacific (youd connect in LAX) but TRUST me, thats the place
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-11-09 08:16:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Is Dubai really that nice?
I dismissed the notion when Apollo brought it up, because, well...
it's Apollo.
Oh, and a HAR HAR PEENER to all those who said Iraq/Afghanistan.
Been there, done that, got the burka.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-11-09 04:44:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hawaii, southern Spain, Portugal or the Greek Islands.
Submitted by JSultan (user info) at 2005-11-09 02:26:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
dubai
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2005-11-09 01:07:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Iraq
or
Afghanistan...it's got lots of cool dirt. rocks, too.
and "motley" individuals isn't even the half of it
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-11-08 23:59:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Cuba, it's awesome there.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-11-08 22:50:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Come to Glasgow. It may not be sunny, but we have more drugs than you can shake a comsiderably sized stick at. Plus plenty of dark alleys, council estates and Vauxhall Novas for you to ocnclude your sexual desires.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-11-08 22:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hammy, skrap, and Orgasmatron -
Thanks for the suggestions. At least now I have a little more info to work with.
I was really psyched to check out Atlantis - Paradise Island, but I keep hearing so many negative reviews from different people who went there.
I'm going to check out PDC and some all-inclusives.
Does all-inclusive mean the sex swings are included, too?
I would REALLY like one of them...
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-11-08 22:04:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I heard Cancun is nice this time of year.
Oh wait...
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-11-08 21:58:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-08 20:21:57 (#)
Ranking: 1
Come to Hilton Head Island, SC...You give me only $5000, keep the rest to blow on dope, hookers and gambling, and I'll feed you $4700 worth of booze and $300 worth of food.
You can bang away on your new beave all day while Mrs. Shlongy and I toil at work.
Imagine the memories...and you still return home with some scratch.
Get back to me...rooms book up fast at my house during that time of the year.
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For some reason, this offer got me all choked up.
Throw in a good poker game, some 30 year-old single malt, and a new set of lefty clubs, and you may have yourself a deal.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-11-08 20:22:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Cozumel.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-08 20:21:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Come to Hilton Head Island, SC...You give me only $5000, keep the rest to blow on dope, hookers and gambling, and I'll feed you $4700 worth of booze and $300 worth of food.
You can bang away on your new beave all day while Mrs. Shlongy and I toil at work.
Imagine the memories...and you still return home with some scratch.
Get back to me...rooms book up fast at my house during that time of the year.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-11-08 19:59:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
dubai.
defo
Submitted by yeahthatme (user info) at 2005-11-08 19:40:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ireland, hands down, Ireland.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-11-08 19:17:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Couples jamaica. All inclusive. The chauffeur met us at the airport with a cooler of beer, sold us an ounce of dope for $20 american. A two hour ride then things got good. All you can eat at 4 restaurants, free booze, sailing, snorkling, horseback riding, tennis, and night life including piano bars, shows, and bands (good ones). Best time was snorkling out to the nudie island in the morning, eating lunch, then snorkel drunk and nakey all afternoon.
And the hash is pretty good ,too.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-11-08 19:15:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-11-08 17:57:44 (#)
Ranking: 1
I hear Iraq is lovely this time of year.
____________________
The Fallujah Holiday Inn provides free bloodied sheets for newlyweds.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-11-08 17:57:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I hear Iraq is lovely this time of year.
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2005-11-08 17:55:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Come to Ireland, home of bar brawlin'! Ye'll have a grand olde time here in the land o' gold an' green an' beer!
Ireland: Always a good decision!
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-08 17:45:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd pick Detroit...
No really, ALL INCLUSIVE is the best idea SANDALS?
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-11-08 17:40:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Right, July might not be the best time to go on a Caribbean cruise, but an Alaskan or Europe (Mediterranean) cruises are also great.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-11-08 17:17:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That, or the Gran Porto Real in Playa del Carmen.
I was there earlier this year. FAN-fucking-tastic.
It's a big "if" if the area's going to be rebuilt and ready to go by next summer. I'm not sure how extensive the damage is. But, yeah, if you want some nightlife, some quiet time, and a nice tropical setting to shag in, PDC is the way to go. Cozumel's just a ferry trip away, too.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-11-08 17:15:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
costa rica or fiji
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2005-11-08 17:14:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.royalhideaway.com/
The Occidental Royal Hideaway. Playa del Carmen, MX. All-inclusive (and I mean all-inclusive like if you want a bottle of chilled champagne delivered to you on the beach at 3:30 AM it just happens all inclusive).
Cancun's just up the road (party, partE) but PdC is much quiter and has beaches you can walk on when you're high and feel like it's yours. Excellent restaurants and shopping, free tours, and they'll let you take the bicycles for as long as you want.
Just make sure they've rebuilt after Hurricane Rita before you make your reservations.
Submitted by Hammy_Bob (user info) at 2005-11-08 17:04:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Two words for you...All Inclusive. The good thing about these resorts is that you don't have to stress about how much you're paying for every little dinner or drink or whatever. You can order a drink, stand in front of the bar tender, pour it out, and order another, and it's no problem. Plus, there are some in the carribbean that are much safer than going to one of the other islands. Many are for couples only, so you don't have to worry about screaming kids on the beach, and the slow season is actually during the summer. The only drawback for you might be lack of night life. I'm not sure what kind of clubs they have, but most have 5 or 6 different restaurants. You also may not be able to find the specific "recreation" that you are looking for. I don't have first hand experience, but my bro went on one for his honeymoon and loved it.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:59:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Leaving work now, but I will look at suggestions in about an hour.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:58:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
DAMN!
So much for that B&B in Pittsburgh...
I DO like the Cumshudderoyage in Fiji, though...
Iceland and Irelan, you're damn straight I'd be hiding the pickle.
With Malta and Cyprus, that would have to be an Analtastic Voyage
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:57:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Take her to amsterdam. Here's a +1 because I'm not sure if I spelled "amsterdam" right.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:56:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Round Two - Where Not to Go
Calcutta
Haiti
Rwanda
Darkest Africa
Parts Unknown
Pennsylvania
Turkmenistan
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:55:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
South Bend, IN.
We have the College Football Hall of Fame you know.
Damn.
Submitted by crownofsuns (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:55:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Go to Rome.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:54:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Round One - Islands
Mediterranean Fucktrek:
Malta
Cyprus
Asian Sexromp:
Singapore
Caribbean Humpcation:
St. Lucia
Aruba
European Picklehidingetaway:
Iceland
Ireland
Oceanic Cumshudderoyage:
Fiji
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:54:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
bora bora
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:53:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bognor.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:53:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
RJM, you actually made me scroll back up to see if I had put the date of the wedding. The honeymoon will be in July. On that note, I don't know why so many people go on vacation during those months. It's not escaping from cold weather; you're just going from hot to hotter...
Actually, now that I think of it, they probably plan vacations around their kids' summer breaks.
Rammy, do you have any pics of this 'Pants Party'?
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:52:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
HONEYMOON AT SEASIDE DOWN THE SHORE! NEW JERSEY IS THE BREAST PLACE EVAR!
ha.
i've never seen more topless supermodels and amazing clubs in my life than when I was in miami.
southbeach wouldn't be a bad spot. expensive as fuck, but fun nonetheless.
congrats on getting hitched.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:49:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You can have a party in my pants. Your Parents have already RSVP'd.
But seriously, watch the Travel channel oen weekend and they'll give you a bunch of ideas.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:48:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Take a cruise. Get a good two week break from winter and not worry about a thing.