My Night (First Poem) (471 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.27 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Last Prophet (View user info) at 2005-11-09 01:10:26 EST
This is my first poem ever. I can honestly say I wrote this one. It took a little more than thirty minutes to make. I know I'm not as talented as most of you. I'm not even saying I am talented at all. I was just bored for while and thought I'd type this. My shrink said to place my bad experiences and nightmares on paper. Please forgive the format. I don't know how to write with "Proper Poetry" format. So, here you go!
The clock strikes five, I feel alive.
My job is done, it's time for fun.
Down the street to Marty's Place;
I'll be alright, once I'm shitfaced.
I sit alone and all is well;
as I drink that Golden Ale.
Down she goes, plopped next to me.
It took a minute for me to see.
She was unique; if that's the word.
Her face looked like a wrinkled turd.
I sat in fright at the horrid sight.
But then I felt, it'll be alright;
once I've downed my Coors Lite.
Drink by drink and wink by wink;
Her huge body began to shrink.
Her wrinkled head began to smooth;
Now all focus was on her tooth.
Here at Marty's place;
I'll be alright once I'm shitfaced.
Off we go, to her home.
Oh why did I go out alone?
Here on her couch;
I sit uneased; as she begins to striptease
Oh dear god, it has a thong!
Where oh where is my beerbong?
With two loud thuds they hit the floor.
Her bra was from the Plus Size store.
A painful gaze at her sagging breasts;
I'll poor beer upon her chest!
Here we are, at her place;
It'll be alright once I'm shitfaced.
She confesses her food fetish.
I thought "NO SHIT" you ate Paris!
She whips out her Parkay Butter.
I really began to shudder.
Over her body the margarine goes;
All the way from her head to her toes.
She grins at me and shows her tooth.
I begin to pray; what should I do?
The lights go out, I slip away;
Thanks only to my friend Parkay.
Down the street to Marty's Place;
I'll be alright once I'm shitfaced.
User Reviews
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-11-09 16:48:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I read this again, and it totally sounds like it could be recited with a Bloodhound Gang beat behind it.
The meter's a little off, so it doesn't flow properly in some places. But that doesn't really matter for a first attempt. Pretty funny.
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-11-09 16:39:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good first poem, awesome topic something I know about drinking enough to fuck a fatty.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-11-09 12:02:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Heh. kinda funny.
Submitted by The_Last_Prophet (user info) at 2005-11-09 10:56:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
159 hits and only 12 reviews? Come on people!
Submitted by The_Last_Prophet (user info) at 2005-11-09 10:55:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by missjessicabryan (user info) at 2005-11-09 10:17:51 (#)
Ranking: 1
This was very funny. Thanks for making this already horrible day a little better.
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Not a problem! My pleasure.
Submitted by The_Last_Prophet (user info) at 2005-11-09 10:54:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you one of these morons who not only have horrible English, which isn't a big deal, but gets mad at people who have good English and calls them stupid?
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In all actuality I speak and write/type in English is very well (not "good" as you so diligently put it). I never really call people "stupid". I find that to be very degrading to the individual being called the name. As a matter of fact, if someone has to resort to such low name calling because of ones grammatical errors (which is a sore reason to call one stupid) then the individual doing the name calling has low self-esteem and should be put in his/her place. You never know who you're talking to. Where some people are strong, others may be weak. Where some are weak, others may be strong. You will always have someone that is superior to you at some skill or another. Maybe he/she would call you stupid for something that you lack skill in. I did admit that I am not experienced in writing poems. Poetry has an entirely different format than normal English. Although in our case, English is used to write the poetry. You can ask a Poet for some input. One individual that posted a reply was kind enough to show me how to utilize poetry format. Too bad you didn't do the same. If you're not sure how, you can follow the example the other individual was kind enough to share with us. Good day to you!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-11-09 10:35:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Fatty fatty, three miles wide
Tuck me up your steeze, inside,
By your cervix I will hide
'Til the cops leave Oceanside.
Submitted by missjessicabryan (user info) at 2005-11-09 10:17:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This was very funny. Thanks for making this already horrible day a little better.
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2005-11-09 07:11:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Are you one of these morons who not only have horrible English, which isn't a big deal, but gets mad at people who have good English and calls them stupid?
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-09 06:48:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I've read better, I've read worse
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-09 06:06:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Needed more Golden Axe.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-11-09 05:56:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now the world has gone to bed,
Darkness won't engulf my head,
I can see by infrared,
How I hate the night.
Now I lay me down to sleep,
Try to count electric sheep,
Sweet dream wishes you can keep,
How I hate the night.
Submitted by BoggleJobber (user info) at 2005-11-09 04:18:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What a waste of toast-spread.
Submitted by The_Last_Prophet (user info) at 2005-11-09 04:15:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Reminds me of a cross between a punk rock and a country song.... ? weird.
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Strange... I didn't look at it like that. The strange thing is, those are the only types of music I enjoy. Seriously!
Submitted by bandphotographer (user info) at 2005-11-09 04:06:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Reminds me of a cross between a punk rock and a country song.... ? weird.
Submitted by TehMarine (user info) at 2005-11-09 03:22:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good laughs.
Submitted by ProDrifter (user info) at 2005-11-09 02:01:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
been there and probably will be back soon.