Be yourself (1254 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.6 on 46 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Redskieslookfake (View user info) at 2005-11-09 04:45:39 EST
Personality, identity, the human soul.
I always have a problem with the common phrase "be yourself." It seems such a smugly superior way of saying stop caring about what others think. I know that will sound like a cue for people to jump in and start shouting about individuality, but bear with me.
I woke up on Monday and felt grumpy as hell. I didn't particularly want to go to work and put up with people, I didn't particularly want to swap humourous emails with my friends and colleagues, text messages were left unanswered, or with a simple "not today, thanks," and generally I was courteous without being my usual sunny warm self.
Was I "being myself?"
I would advance the thought that 'self' is an arbitrary concept. If I could go back and talk to myself as a young lad, I'm sure we'd disagree on things, and have different personalities. Otherwise, what is experience? I'd say that facts, events, memories all have ways of making us different people. Or persons I should. The grumpy person I woke up as Monday is no more or less me than the one who this Friday night I'm sure will have fun and be easy going. Goffman wrote about 'impression management,' the self consciousness that we all have to greater or lesser extents, which shapes our actions.
If I'm with my friends, my accent thickens a tad. If I'm on the phone to a college or university, it becomes noticeably more RP. Is this hypocrisy or not 'being myself?'
In answer, I would say that when I see someone who is upset, and am sympathetic, I do not feel that I am being hypocritical. Equally if one of my friends is being a dick, and has decided that growing his hair in unrecognised homage to a hobbit, then I'm well within my rights to call him Frodo in front of as many people as I can in the pub. Hairy toed bastard that he is.
In each case I'm being the person I need to be to do most good. So as I extract the first smile from my depressed friend, or the piss from the Ring Bearer, I don't feel that I've been hypocritical, I've just adapted to the situation.
'Being yourself,' is an act of colossal arrogance. It speaks of expecting every other person you have contact with to allow you to behave in any way you feel fit. Go shout at the funeral, have one off the wrist in the classroom, shag your friend's sister two hours after you meet them, in his bed, with an audience.
The idea of schizophrenia is that of personalities with walls in between them. I don't think that my view of identity is as fixed. I see it as more like oil paints all mixed together in a bowl. Sure you can separate them if you really wanted to, but generally if you dip a brush in it, you'll get a mixture of different colours.
Put me in a room, and I do adapt, react and seek to fit in. That does not make me a sheep, or someone to be looked down on. It shows that I'm aware that different situation, to get the best results, you have to act differently, appropriate to the place.
I am aware of how I act to others, and if I make a mistake and upset someone I didn't mean to upset, (or more importantly, fail to upset someone I did mean to!), then I back track, I take a different angle, and try again. Practice makes perfect, so being the 4 year old on the bus pointing to an obese woman saying "Why is that lady fat? Doesn't she know she's fat? She takes up two seats! Look how fat she is!" was, in hindsight, rude. Certainly that's what my mortified mother said while frantically apologising to the reddening whale trying to extricate herself from her seat.
Your personality is no set 'thing' - it's an averaging of your traits, tendencies, experiences and misgivings. When I disappear near the end of a night without telling people, it's not because I'm rude as such, but just that at the particular moment, I've chalked fuck on the evening.
Your personalities, your identities, and even maybe, the collection of concepts that make up your soul are transient, dynamic and in a constant state of reassessment.
Be yourself? The act of stopping learning.
User Reviews
Submitted by branimal_08 (user info) at 2008-10-14 16:36:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-10-11 18:58:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-10-11 18:51:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fight the... whatever the hell is going on here.
Submitted by aquagirl (user info) at 2008-09-08 16:16:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Naplander (user info) at 2008-08-30 17:10:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Daniel_b (user info) at 2008-08-25 17:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Spreadsheets are the hawt.
Submitted by bricekrispy (user info) at 2008-08-24 16:30:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-08-24 16:09:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Moron below.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-08-24 16:04:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Moron below.
Submitted by bubba69 (user info) at 2008-08-24 15:57:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Judgement (user info) at 2008-08-21 04:03:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by stewie_GO_SAINTS (user info) at 2008-08-21 03:59:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by dr_weazel (user info) at 2008-07-28 03:56:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey...lets all be ourselves LOLZ !!
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2007-12-24 10:06:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-09 05:37:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sinna, 'mood' can have such a massive effect on someone's personality that it does create a different person. For instance, happy Berty will troll Ubersite giving everyone +2's, being highly witty and comforting and lovely whereas sad Berty will troll unbersite giving everyone -2's, being snippy and mean. Big difference.
Furthermore, the sense of self is really a very loose animal. A combination of memory and choice. Memory is itself a dodgy tool and often changes according to 'mood', as indeed does choice. Often who we are changes from one experience to the next.
It is the general consesnsus of Uber that basically the self is an infinate and highly mutable thing that, to all intents and purposes, is largely mythical. If we where to remove memories from ourselves we would become different people, as indeed would occur if we added them. Every experience changes us, no matter how small or mundane. The person who started writing this review, for instance, is not the same person who will click the rank button
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I was not involved in this consensus, and therefore I will not stand idly by and be forced by proxy to agree to a notion for which all intents and purposes I could give a rat's ass about.
what were we talking about?
ahh....I think it has the required amount of rape. Well, actually I made up all the rape bits myself....does that still count?
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-12-24 06:45:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
After reading what i wrote below here, i decided to see if i misspelled "wreck", and found this :
http://www.starwreck.com/ fucking hilarious!
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-12-24 04:47:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I always think of the personality as a car.
We keep upgrading it, while trying to drive the wreck at the same time.
And there's always one flat tyre, so we drive carefull at sharp turns, and
traffic jams are all over the persona.
</crap>
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2007-12-23 21:32:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-12-23 19:34:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2007-03-05 23:58:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-09 05:07:10 (#)
Ranking: -1
Needs more rape?
yes
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-05-06 23:14:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...A...
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-20 07:53:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-11-09 22:36:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-11-09 10:43:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it. Don't feel like saying anything worthwhile about it at this time.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-11-09 22:48:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
aside from a lack of cowbell, this rocked.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-11-09 22:36:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-11-09 10:43:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it. Don't feel like saying anything worthwhile about it at this time.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-11-09 12:28:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to be like Howard Roark, but it's pretty much impossible.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-11-09 10:43:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it. Don't feel like saying anything worthwhile about it at this time.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-09 08:58:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Some few of those that do not so readily adapt are successful in making the world adapt to them - people with vision who make a difference by following through with their convictions and changing the way things are. World leaders, inventors, heads of big businesses, people like that. Rich assholes. The rest of us non-adapters are just poor assholes.
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These people adapt by developing a marketing pitch or a strategy. World leaders are where they are because they are diplomatic and able to adapt to the situation -and hide what they are really thinking.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-11-09 07:46:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Skrapmetal, I wouldn't have said it's either/or. My friends influence me in some ways and I have no doubt that I influence them aswell. No one is 100% uninfluenced.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-11-09 07:38:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
THE MAN DOES WHAT TO THE WOMANS WHAT?!
Submitted by blondie2 (user info) at 2005-11-09 07:34:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this post and agreed with the comments Berty made. Our basic need to affliate is a strong need and can take over.
With reference to the fat lady comment, I did something similar as an 8 year old. I told a room full of posh middle aged women that I knew how babies were made. Obviously thinking I was going to tell them some tale of the stork they asked me to tell them. So I did, I told them how the man puting his penis in the womans vagina and yes i hope nobody needs me to go any further with that. There was coffee getting spat everywhere. My mum reminds me of that all the time.
I thought i was being really grown up!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2005-11-09 07:04:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
There may be an aspect that didn't get covered so much here: Most people adapt, but some are adapted to.
The majority of people are as you describe yourself and are the better for it. Some people do not adapt but insist that those around them adapt to them. You might refer to your friend as "Frodo" in the pub, but someone else might call him by that name every time a greeting is made.
Some few of those that do not so readily adapt are successful in making the world adapt to them - people with vision who make a difference by following through with their convictions and changing the way things are. World leaders, inventors, heads of big businesses, people like that. Rich assholes. The rest of us non-adapters are just poor assholes.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-09 06:46:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This topic is way too deep for me this early in the morning. Maybe I'll revisit it later.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-09 06:39:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Let us remember that debate is a search for truth, it's not about who is right and who is wrong.
Submitted by Lmarie22000 (user info) at 2005-11-09 06:36:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I never read this, but may have gotten it confused it with a certain "fupa".... i apologize....i was drunk
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-09 06:33:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-11-09 06:28:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Somewhere along the line our points seem to have merged. Either that or I was misreading yours in the first place.
From your post it struck me that you were still worrying about other people's perception of 'yourself' too much rather than being yourself.
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Except the shoes. Still not happy about having my shoes tainted. I disapprove of my own footwear now. That's not right.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-11-09 06:28:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Somewhere along the line our points seem to have merged. Either that or I was misreading yours in the first place.
From your post it struck me that you were still worrying about other peoples perception of 'yourself' too much rather than being yourself. However, I agree a lot with some of your points from your reviews. Every single interaction, no matter how brief, with affect you to a certain extent and of course you need to adjust to given situations. If you react to a incident one way, you may react a completely different way a year, or even a month later.
Heh, maybe that was a subconscious typo.
Submitted by Lmarie22000 (user info) at 2005-11-09 06:26:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-09 06:16:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Lmarie22000 (user info) at 2005-11-09 06:06:56 (#)
Ranking: -1
~Meow~
I meant it as a compliment on your taking the piss skills actually.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-09 06:10:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Lmarie22000 (user info) at 2005-11-09 06:06:56 (#)
Ranking: -1
~Meow~
LOL
Submitted by Lmarie22000 (user info) at 2005-11-09 06:06:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
~Meow~
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-09 06:02:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're mistaking personality with mood. Your personality should have a lot of dimensions, otherwise you'd be a very shallow, very boring person.
Everything is a part of your personality.
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I'd agree with your second statement. External and internal factors shape personality at any one moment.
you are most defiantly not 'being yourself'.
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A nice typo there - I think that gets to what I was talking about. People can be defiantly 'themselves' - to the extent that they don't act appropriately.
While I'm not saying you should act as a totally different person in each situation, you should always change to an extent. It's like acting, you may be playing a very similar part, but it's not *exactly* the same part. Memories affect you, and not even necesssarily in a linear way - you may experience something, and only much later, can the rammifications really sink in.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-11-09 05:55:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Everything is a part of your personality. If you're always in a bad mood it's a large part of it, but it's not it entirely. Only cartoon characters have just one mood. It's also not only mood that forms your personality, it's also your thoughts and beliefs.
To me your point came across that if you don't do what someone's expectation you to, then you're not 'being yourself'. My point is if you're playing up to what people are expecting of you in a circumstance, you are most defiantly not 'being yourself'.
Berty, you made some good points though.
+1 because the post lead to an interesting discussion.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-11-09 05:45:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Regardless of whether or not I agree with what you've written, this was good.
Have a plus 2.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-09 05:37:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sinna, 'mood' can have such a massive effect on someone's personality that it does create a different person. For instance, happy Berty will troll Ubersite giving everyone +2's, being highly witty and comforting and lovely whereas sad Berty will troll unbersite giving everyone -2's, being snippy and mean. Big difference.
Furthermore, the sense of self is really a very loose animal. A combination of memory and choice. Memory is itself a dodgy tool and often changes according to 'mood', as indeed does choice. Often who we are changes from one experience to the next.
It is the general consesnsus of Uber that basically the self is an infinate and highly mutable thing that, to all intents and purposes, is largely mythical. If we where to remove memories from ourselves we would become different people, as indeed would occur if we added them. Every experience changes us, no matter how small or mundane. The person who started writing this review, for instance, is not the same person who will click the rank button.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-09 05:29:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Be yourself means do what you feel to he right, not be some randomly selected persona
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I very carefully noted that it is not random, and is fact shaped by circumstances.
Mood/Personality - I see this as being a disagreement of magnititude. If someone is always in a bad mood - is that personality? I also don't think we can be 'mood neutral.'
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-11-09 05:25:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You're mistaking personality with mood. Your personality should have a lot of dimensions, otherwise you'd be a very shallow, very boring person.
Be yourself means do what you feel to he right, not be some randomly selected persona, which seems to be what you think it is.
I have to say, leaving at the end of the night without saying anything is rude as well. If someone thinks you're being rude it has nothing to do with your personality, it's your actions.
Ok, I'm done.
Submitted by crazyaardvark (user info) at 2005-11-09 05:15:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I did the same thing when I was little
"Hey, Mum, look at the fat lady!"
It didn't go down well. Oh, and I also agree with all the serious stuff too.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-09 05:07:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Needs more rape?