Time in the 'tution (729 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.95 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Kirby (View user info) at 2005-11-09 07:38:04 EST
I spent some time in a mental institution recently; It sucked a whale's dick. Whales have pretty huge dicks, so there's quite a lot of sucking to be done.
How I got there: I took like 3 too many sleeping pills and I wouldn't wake up. My parents called 911 and the docs weren't 'sure' if it was a suicide attempt so to 'be safe' they stuck me in the nut bin for an 'optional' stay. Optional meaning if I go against medical advice (leave early) then I pay $800 a day. Thanks insurance. Also, it was the weekend, so they had different doctors coming in. I spent 5 days learning how to be assertive and how to control my anger, all whilst sitting next to actual crazy kids.
When I first got there I had to piss like crazy, so naturally I went to the bathroom. I thought it was reasonable, they did too. So as long as a large black man could WATCH ME TAKE A LEAK. Yes, they said 'We need to watch you urinate the first time. You understand, for trust issues.' Now, I'm higher than an airplane on stilts but I wasn't about to let some strange lumberjack looking man in cute pants watch me pee. Long story short, I end up letting him watch my pee...in the middle of the admissions room...on the unlucky staff-in-training, who happened to be a very hot college student (I found out later during lunch; she was cool with it, as much as one can be cool with getting pissed on)
Two oddballs I came across during my stay:
One kid insisted his name was 'Penut man of the great great great'
One kid was convinced I was a spy from nascar (you know, the ones who do space missions) because I was able to get the packet work finished quickly.
*Packet Work*
Cutting (my wrists/my food) is safe *circle one*
4 * 7 = ___
Final Day
When I was finally about to be discharged, my doctor (the one who I saw for a total of 15 minutes during 5 days) asked me how my mood had changed since I got there. I replied with: How has my mood changed? You had me do mindless child-work for 8 hours a day. I painted a fucking box during arts and crafts for Christ's sake. I wasn't allowed to do my actual schoolwork because it would cause 'stress,' you know, that thing that doesn't come to light with 10 fucking mental cases yelling about chairs, trains, and brain implants for hours on end. This was the worst fucking experience of my life. I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy's one-legged cancerous dog. That's how my fucking mood has changed.
She said, I kid you not: You know, I'm really not sure if I should discharge you. You know, sometime a patient will come up to me and say "I'm better, I'm ready to go home" and I'll know that he's lying. You know what though? I let him go. You know why? Because atleast he had the wherewithall to motivate himself to lie to me. You're not even trying to get out of here, you're just telling the truth. Like you're in some sort of position to say how you feel. I'm still going to discharge you because I know that your parents are already on their way to pick you up, but I want you to know that I'm not very keen on it anymore.
Yes, she blew her plug because I 'didn't attempt to lie.' Now, I can understand a possible liability issue of letting me go on a bad note, but she was just being silly.
Anyway fuckers, that's a taste of my time at the mental insitution.
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-22 16:43:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Making my rating +1.5
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-22 16:43:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't think this was too bad, especially for a noob. keep it up, don't suck. B
Submitted by Kirbage (user info) at 2005-12-16 13:57:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I read this now and realise it's crap. Forgive me.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2005-12-14 17:11:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
dull
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-11-10 00:56:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i despise your writing style.
http://www.ubersite.com/u/insanethemind
he knows his shit.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-11-10 00:53:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry you have to go through this shit. How long do you have to go?
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-11-10 00:32:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
.
Submitted by crazyaardvark (user info) at 2005-11-09 21:39:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, call me weird, but I think pissing on someone makes you maybe just a little unstable, don't you think?
Submitted by Kirbage (user info) at 2005-11-09 16:33:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Whoever asked: I took them for shits and giggles. I thought I'd just go to sleep quicker. Apparently, when the pills are the max dose, it doesn't work that way.
Today (I have to go for half days still, so that they can watch me on certain meds) there was a kid who said he was born in China 1,000 years ago. One of the other kids called bs and went to get tell someone and the first kid said 'No, if you tell anyone, then the ninjas won't trust me anymore.'
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2005-11-09 11:03:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
poor guy
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2005-11-09 08:12:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ONE FLEW OVER MY COCK...
Yeah.
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2005-11-09 08:08:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
So... why'd you take the pills?
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-11-09 08:08:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-09 07:56:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It's no Straight Inc. and the whole thing was a bit meh, but alright. In my humble opinion anyway.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-09 07:56:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
4 * 7 = ___
----------------
....... .. ........... ...... .. um.. ......... *counts fingers*.....
It's 28 isn't it?