end of social experimentation, or, why I decided to move out of the fucking ghetto (2750 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: nonfiction
Rating: 1.8 on 68 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by scourgeoftheseas (View user info) at 2005-11-09 17:44:08 EST
The Wife and I bought the old house because it was cheap.
That's not the only reason, but it didn't hurt. We had spent years pumping money into the pockets of landlords who didn't do shit for us. We were finally making some money and had decided enough was enough.
It was an old turn of the century Craftsman style place. It needed a lot of work, but nothing I didn't feel I could handle. No foundation problems, it was a structurally solid house. Needed a roof, some rewiring, plaster work, some plumbing. I'd done subcontracting work for extra money a lot of years. I like working with my hands. It was a challenge , but in the end it would be mine.
The place was beautiful. Two story. Hardwood floors throughout. A big fireplace with bookend shelving. All the original woodwork was in the place. Cherry and walnut everywhere. A huge porch.
I had always wanted a porch swing. And a fireplace. I could just sit in front of the flames, with my wife, having a drink. In my house. Mine.
There were two trees in the yard. Fuck, those were going to be my trees. I could rake my leaves, not mow my yard. My yard. It was big enough to have a vegetable garden, with plenty of room left for the Wife to plant her flowers and shrubs.
This was going to be a great thing for us. Money had been so tight it was causing fights. God, that is the stupidest thing in the world to fight over, but it always happened. We lived a fairly frugal life, money wasn't tight because of extravagances, those goddamn landlords were bleeding us dry.
The house payment was half what we paid in rent at the last place we rented.
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It is an up and coming neighborhood, one of the older ones in town that still has the original homes. The streets are lined with huge old trees.
This neighborhood had seen a downfall after the big manufacturers had left town. Middle class working people left and a lot of homes stood empty for a lot of years.
Then the city tore down what public housing we had. They needed to. Those projects weren't even livable. The new construction was slated to last about two years. It took seven.
Where did these people have to go? Emptying neighborhoods filled with homes that were built to fucking last. They had their solution.
So, the crack dealers moved in next t o the eighty year old widows. These neighborhoods took a bad downturn. Over the course of the next few years, the neighborhood I eventually moved into hosted no less than 90% of the murders my city saw.
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When we started looking seriously for a home, a vibrant neighborhood improvement group had sprung up. They were cost sharing to help each other rehab the beautiful old homes. A neighborhood watch was established for the first time in many years. And by God, it started to work.
Crime rates dropped. Kids started playing outside.
I was sold. I thought I was going to help. I was not going to be part of the problem, but part of the solution.
We bought the place in November, closed on it December 17th and I started working on it December 18th. Life was good.
January 15th, I got a citation from the city for my roof. What the hell, it's January? How can I put a roof on in fucking January? It is 23 degrees outside and snowing.
I call the city. Apparently the neighborhood improvement association wholesale turns in a list of any problem they find. The city acts on them all, because these people are helping. After many calls, meetings and other wasting of my time, I get a waiver allowing me to postpone reproofing until March 1.
Still feeling my pride in being part of this revival, I attend the next neighborhood improvement association meeting. At the end they allow public commentary. I stand up and tell my story. I explain, I was not going to be part of the problem, but part of the solution.
The only question they ask:
"Are you a dues paying member of the Association?"
"No, not yet. I just moved in the neighborhood and this is the first meeting since then. I would like..."
"Oh. Next order of business is...
Bastards. I will not be part of this now. Still, I was not going to be part of the problem, but part of the solution.
Over the next year I get 15 citations. All of them are dropped after I spend approximately 6 to 10 hours per on the phone and going to cityhall.
Still, I was not going to be part of the problem, but part of the solution.
-------------
The crime didn't really start until the summer. That's when I noticed the neighbor two houses down having lots of really short term visitors. As in they left their cars running. No big deal, I have both visited and been a dope dealer at various points in my life.
Then I saw him handing out the little vials.
As long as they respect my house, and my shit, everything is going to be alright.
-------------
It started with smaller stuff. Accidentally leave the car unlocked, now I own ten less CDs. Fuck. Well I can lay some of the blame on myself. I'll be more careful.
It escalated quickly. Broken car windows. Broken house windows. The motherfuckers forced open the trunk of my car and stole my jack and all my hand tools. They broke out every window in my car for good measure.
But I had put so much work into the place. It was done, in one year. I had expected it to take maybe three. Fuck it, I'm staying. I fought my ass off for this. I will not let this faze me. I was not going to be part of the problem, but part of the solution.
------------
We sleep in a dark room. Blackout dark. It's the only way my wife can sleep. Our bedroom door is on a hairpin, if you breathe on it, it pops open. This is just something you just live with in old houses.
She wakes me up muttering something.
"What?"
She doesn't answer me, maybe I said it only in my head. I don't even open my eyes because the light is going to hurt.
"What are you doing in the hallway?"
Huh??!
And why is the hallway light on?
Then she reaches over and feels me next to her.
"Matt there's someone in the hallway." She doesn't say it loud, really just a whisper. My eyes pop open and this little MOTHERFUCKER IS WALKING INTO MY BEDROOM WHILE I LIE THERE!!! And he turned on the light so he could see us better.
She tells me later that all I said was RRAAARRgGh ARF MUFUKKA BBAAAH, but I know that what I really said was" I'm going to kill you motherfucker."
I had jumped at him while growling this. He was quick as hell.
I slammed into the bedroom door, and actually broke it off the hinges.
Before I was out of the room he was to the top of the stairs. I got behind him as he jumped. Down all fourteen of them. I think I only touched one.
He busted out the door and I was right behind him. Another broken door to add to the list. I was only wearing boxers, chasing this little fucker down the street of the ghetto at three in the morning, with my balls swinging from side to side.
I almost had him. I was literally five inches from grabbing his fucking coat. I was going to beat his face until it went soft. Then a curb job. The crack dealer's driveway was gravel. No shoes. Fuck.
-------------
There had to have been two of them. They got the maybe fifty bucks in the key bowl next to the door. And they got my change jar. That's how I know there were two of them. It was a full two gallon jar. Maybe six hundred bucks. He couldn't have run that fast carrying it. I guess my man roar scared the other one off.
------------
Two days later was when we found out the Wife was pregnant.
She had planted the whole yard. It looked so good. My house, I worked so goddamn hard to fix it, to make it better.
Fuck.
I am not going to be part of the solution anymore. The first crack dealer that gives me what I want can have it.
User Reviews
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-06-19 10:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this was the first post of yours that I reviewed
you are a fucking asshole
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-10-23 13:52:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awwww. I am mad for you. That doth blow and my friends are in the same boat with their kid. I can't stand the apartments but at least I can walk away without a loss if shit turns sour.
Still would love to own a house, somewhere that crack heads don't wander.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-23 13:47:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
why'd you pick this one in particular, willie? did you think i had some sort of emotional attachment to the words on the screen, or were you just picking something with a high rating?because the whole point is that ratings don't matter, my friend.
this is a place for us to have fun. i had fun with that post and enforcing the auto retal rule on people. did you have fun coming here? i sure hope so.
if so, you can go ahead and have a laugh and spam all my posts with -2s. it's been done by about six other people at this point. i'll laugh along with you like i laughed along with them.
:)
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-10-23 13:23:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Goddamnit. Am I supposed to do this one or the other one?
Explain the rules again, dude.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-27 19:11:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rad pulled that cunty stunt on me and a bunch of other guys a while back...
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-10-19 03:42:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
There are a solid four pages of +2 streaks with 30 or more reviews. That is stupid. I am weeding it all out by giving every one of them a +1; that way posts that have 1.99 with 200+ reviews gets best ever.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/72403#1648213
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-06-27 14:54:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-08 13:48:15 PDT (#)
Ranking: 1
There are a solid 15 posts of +2 streaks with 30 or more reviews. That is stupid. I am weeding it all out by giving every one of them a +1; that way posts that have 1.99 with 200+ reviews gets best ever.
-----
heh, how are your raTINGs now??
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-06-27 11:58:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-06-26 21:40:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
poor old abused post. you've weathered some storms.
i liked writing you.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-05-18 13:02:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-02-18 20:40:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-31 22:40:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
FORGOT TO RATE, SORRY!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-31 22:40:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've had it up to here with your shennanigans, I'm going through and -2ing ALL of your posts!
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-27 14:30:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOVE MYSELF!!
SIGNED,
SCOURGEY
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-27 13:55:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-10-27 13:39:58 (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/95020#2202073
banning attempt
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-09-01 19:43:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not bad.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-08-16 09:38:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
slickety slick
Submitted by compEngineer0 (user info) at 2006-08-16 09:27:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-08-02 02:11:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-07-09 13:14:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wish I could make this a +2 again.
_
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-08 17:12:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2s all around for someone getting pissed at me enough for not one but two uberboard messages!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-08 16:48:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
There are a solid 15 posts of +2 streaks with 30 or more reviews. That is stupid. I am weeding it all out by giving every one of them a +1; that way posts that have 1.99 with 200+ reviews gets best ever.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-06-15 19:19:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ruining the streak
-2 Die fucker.
-Dave
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-06-12 22:19:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Never liked you, scourge. Figured your shameless and pathetic e-flirting was as weak as your writing.
Not so. Rock on.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-06-07 13:04:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That sucks.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-06-07 12:51:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. I really felt the emotion in this. I gasped so loud my dog actually picked up his fat lazy head long enough to look at me.
Thanks for linking it to me!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-06-07 12:39:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know I read this, but apparently didn't rate it. Some bastard must have walked in here with work or something.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-07 12:31:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
makes you wish you had a gun almost. cept the ghetto trash prolly woulda stolen it and then robbed you with it later.
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-28 21:44:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
on 41
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-03-18 12:18:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Let's make it +2 on 40, because this deserves it.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-03-09 13:41:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
in the ghettoooooooo
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-16 22:41:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by minimumdino (user info) at 2006-01-11 19:50:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
so is your wife your mother too?
---
Fuck I should have balanced out this too....Damn I missed it. Sorry buddy, after making what felt like hundreds of Anti-minimumdino reviews I just started getting lazy.
Well fuck man. I say you sell your house to become a crack house, but wire the whole place with explosives. Then when all the crack heads fill the place, detonate it.
You want to be part of the solution? Blow the mother fuckers up!
And buy a Beretta 92-FS. I totally stand by that gun to protect you in any circumstance.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-16 22:27:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was a GREAT post, Scourgey. I never realized until now just how many posts I really enjoy and forget to rate.
Submitted by bonnee (user info) at 2006-01-16 21:50:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I forgot to rate this!
Submitted by minimumdino (user info) at 2006-01-11 19:50:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
so is your wife your mother too?
Submitted by Walker (user info) at 2005-12-18 20:56:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow... I feel real bad for you, man...
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-12-07 08:25:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Crack is wack.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-05 15:01:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Glad to hear you are in a better neighborhood. That is totally frustrating. I think I would have sat on my porch and picked them off one by one with a gun. And people say genocide is a bad idea.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-05 14:56:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish you had shot the cocksucker in the face.
Nine times.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-12-05 14:43:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's what glocks are for.
No stair jumping, running, ect.
Click.....Boom.
Great read.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:47:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good little story. Engrossing.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-11-11 18:55:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
goood
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-11-11 15:31:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-11-10 12:01:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well told.
Submitted by missjessicabryan (user info) at 2005-11-10 11:20:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking crack heads. I live in Arkansas and we have a horrible Methamphetamine problem here. I don't think there is one neighborhood in the whole area that isn't corrupted by this. I am very sorry that you have to deal with these problems, especially since you are done with it. Congratulations on you wife being pregnant, at least you have that going for you.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-10 09:51:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate the little bastards. Chavs
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-11-10 09:44:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ouch
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-11-10 05:18:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-11-10 04:19:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude this was fucking awesome.
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-11-10 00:19:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Perfect +2 streak. Go you!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-11-09 23:26:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're going to have one badass kid.
Watch out, because he may come running out of the womb growling.
Submitted by trent_nz (user info) at 2005-11-09 22:55:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sounds like there's alot of crime over there =(
Submitted by Faidel (user info) at 2005-11-09 21:58:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
To give anything but a +2 would just be fucking rude.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-11-09 21:52:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2005-11-09 18:36:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry bro, better luck on the next house.
I would have run right through the gravel though. Fuck sore feet. I would have given those thugs what they had coming.
-------------
I tried, ate the ground, that was the insult added to injury. I wiped out and got to deal with roadburn on top of everything else
Submitted by crazyaardvark (user info) at 2005-11-09 21:30:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jeez, that sucks completely. I hope you guys have better luck next time. Congratulations on the pregnancy though - I hope it brings you all the joy you need right now.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-11-09 19:24:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I own some rental condos in a less than desirable area of Edmonton, so I can feel your pain. The 'scumbag' class of humans is one that seems to be on the increase.
I admire your work ethic, owning a home and repairing that home is one of the last real freedoms we have left. Keep at it, someday AIDS will mutate and kill off every scumfuck assbackward drug addict moron in thier sleep.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-11-09 19:01:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hard Cheese my friend
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-11-09 18:56:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The world of the responsible.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-11-09 18:52:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cool
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-11-09 18:41:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
shitty.
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2005-11-09 18:36:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry bro, better luck on the next house.
I would have run right through the gravel though. Fuck sore feet. I would have given those thugs what they had coming.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-11-09 18:36:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-11-09 18:30:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post. Next house, no matter where, get some dogs. Big ones.
Submitted by Sheba (user info) at 2005-11-09 18:27:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-11-09 18:26:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
We've already gone. I bought another old place, in a better neighborhood.
The nice part is that I've already paid it about 65% off with a couple of windfalls and just shooting extra into it whenever I could. The new appraisal is over double what I initially paid. So, at least I'll bank off of it. Now I just need to try and figure out how to avoid capital gains tax.
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2005-11-09 18:22:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, you can sell and go or castle up the house.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-11-09 18:08:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-11-09 18:02:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Was in the same kind of situation before, and now to a lesser extent (except now I'm dealing with rednecks; not ghetto rats.) You can't do anything to change the neighborhood. Just bank your equity and find something better.
Can't believe he was dumb enough to turn on the light....
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-11-09 17:48:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I rarely rate serious non-comedy writing on uber, cos it isn't at all good.
This was.