Networking (522 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.22 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Saffron (View user info) at 2005-11-09 20:14:38 EST
"Something has been blown to bits in the microwave. I am hoping it was not a puppy, but given the smell, it is hard to tell. I have no issue what so ever with tossing the thing in the bin and not getting a new one. If you eat here, I suggest you grab a pitchfork & a torch & ferret out whatever pin head thought throwing a paper towel over the remains of whatever the shmeg that is in there was the proper way to deal with the situation & teach them how to use a sponge. Or you can all start eating out every day.
I am not cleaning it up & I am not buying a new appliance. If this situation is not amended by the time I come in tomorrow there will be no microwave left in the kitchen.
Fin."
She hit the send button and listened to the incoming mail chimes work their way through the office. How in the world did these people even manage to get themselves dressed in the morning ?
We aren't talking about a particularly stupid group of individuals here - median salary was 95K and the number of people with advanced degrees far exceeded those without. Of course hiring preferences drove that metric; personally she'd met more individuals with a few years experience and a lick of common sense who could think circles around the MBA's here. But evidently college's main value was in networking. She shrugged to herself. It was helping her build a good team quickly. She could live without the entitlement trend though. It wasn't up to internet-bubble levels, but with an increase in new business funding, it was on the rise again.
Start ups were interesting at least. Younger crowd, mainly inexperienced, but this group was motivated, truly interested in building something special. The business model was solid, but the philosophy and culture and just general vibe of the place were the big draw. Plus the founders were networked into the venture capitol pipeline. As one of the few gray hairs on staff she truly appreciated what they were creating here. It was a dream to come out of the corporate world where she was segregated and interaction was frowned upon into a place where she was an advocate for the employees and not just the company weasel.
" Saff...." She reported directly to the CEO who was standing in her doorway looking sheepish. "uhm, about the email you just sent out...can you just take care of it, buy a new microwave? Great note by the way." He was trying very hard to position himself into an authoritative stance. He was her boss, but he was also young and less at ease with the idea of subordinates than she was. She loved that quality in him; it made him more approachable, kept the open door policy a reality and gave him a human edge you didn't always get to witness in a CEO at a larger company.
"I'm sick to death of being responsible for these things. I'm HR, I'm not your Office Manager."
"But you know Jennie isn't good at things like this. "
"Then I highly suggest you return her to the strip club you found her at."
Her CEO stepped in and gave her a high five. "God Saff you are the only one here that can dish out abuse and manage to be charming about it. Great burn by the way. It would be funnier if it was less true. Make it work Saff." He knocked twice on the door jam and headed towards his office.
She smiled to herself as she decided the best way to rectify the situation was to promote Jennie to Executive Assistant, make her the CEO's problem full time and back hire a competent Office Manager. She was going through an agency for this hire. No more networking.
User Reviews
Submitted by Saffron (user info) at 2005-11-16 12:22:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-16 10:43:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Saffron (user info) at 2005-11-16 10:32:23 (#)
Ranking: 0
"my : Used preceding various forms of polite, affectionate, or familiar address: My friend, you are so right. "
Yes, MY engineering staff. I don't know what in particular I've done to offend apollo, but I think you need to swap up your insults. This was the third time you called me a cunt in the same day.
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Make friends with him. Apollo is a stalwart defender of good sense and humanist principles.
He's usually only like this too people he percieves as false or unwitty and unkind.
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Berty, you really do have the perfect temperment for HR :)
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-16 10:43:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Saffron (user info) at 2005-11-16 10:32:23 (#)
Ranking: 0
"my : Used preceding various forms of polite, affectionate, or familiar address: My friend, you are so right. "
Yes, MY engineering staff. I don't know what in particular I've done to offend apollo, but I think you need to swap up your insults. This was the third time you called me a cunt in the same day.
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Make friends with him. Apollo is a stalwart defender of good sense and humanist principles.
He's usually only like this too people he percieves as false or unwitty and unkind.
Submitted by Saffron (user info) at 2005-11-16 10:32:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"my : Used preceding various forms of polite, affectionate, or familiar address: My friend, you are so right. "
Yes, MY engineering staff. I don't know what in particular I've done to offend apollo, but I think you need to swap up your insults. This was the third time you called me a cunt in the same day.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-11-15 19:20:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Saffron (user info) at 2005-11-09 21:50:55 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-11-09 21:08:31 (#)
Ranking: -2
Another shining example of a company hiring idiots for 95K to do things
a competent technical person does for half of that. Fucking morons. . .
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I don't have a single technical person on staff for half that. Zip. What competant technical person works for 45K ? CS grads straight out of college have a minimum value of 65K in this area. Nearly all of my engineering staff hit above the average mark. """
'My' engineering staff.
You dumb cunt, HR is a service for the real people.
Submitted by Saffron (user info) at 2005-11-10 12:37:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-10 12:20:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm only training up in this profession and I have to say that its brilliant. It satisfies my voyeuristic tendencies and provides an income, plus it lets me focus on Uber.
If you've got any good HR stories I'd love to read them.
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I love it too. People can be truly fascinating and the role can be really satisfying in an environment that will let you be an employee advocate. Plus, getting to watch interpersonal dynamics play out is a kick. Keep your sense of humor. People can be really dissapointing sometimes !
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-10 12:20:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm only training up in this profession and I have to say that its brilliant. It satisfies my voyeuristic tendencies and provides an income, plus it lets me focus on Uber.
If you've got any good HR stories I'd love to read them.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-11-10 12:19:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really enjoyed this for some reason.
Submitted by Saffron (user info) at 2005-11-10 12:06:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Recalcitrant - yes, but not until next Summer. Entry level.
Berty - I actually sent this email. About 3 years ago. I was cleaning out my archives yesterday. This isn't a formal environment. It's probably the only place on earth I can get away with my favorite communication style and be promoted for it. We all get away with a lot more than we would elsewhere, but we built a successful company that sold for an obscene amount of cash earlier this year.
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2005-11-10 06:19:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
wow you're really important aren't you?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-10 05:00:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AUTO ULTRA SECRET HR +2 PACT
However, I can't see a HR proffesional writing such a flippant email.
Whilst the company would be liable for someone poisoning themselves with the foul microwave, you'll never get people to clean up after themselves.
It just doesn't happen.
Either you've got to get approval for a certified cleaning person to sort it out (har har, like that's gonna happen) or you take the thing away. Just get rid of the damn thing and organise some cut rate sandwhich deliveries or vending machine.
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-11-10 00:17:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Submitted by Recalcitrant (user info) at 2005-11-09 22:03:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Speaking of networking...
Need a business analyst? I'm a freaking genius with that stuff.
Submitted by Saffron (user info) at 2005-11-09 21:50:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-11-09 21:08:31 (#)
Ranking: -2
Another shining example of a company hiring idiots for 95K to do things
a competent technical person does for half of that. Fucking morons. . .
_____________________________________________________________________
I don't have a single technical person on staff for half that. Zip. What competant technical person works for 45K ? CS grads straight out of college have a minimum value of 65K in this area. Nearly all of my engineering staff hit above the average mark.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-11-09 21:08:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Another shining example of a company hiring idiots for 95K to do things
a competent technical person does for half of that. Fucking morons. . .
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-11-09 20:55:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
JMG's best quality is that he will never lose his inner-child.
And his huge imagination.
Submitted by Recalcitrant (user info) at 2005-11-09 20:52:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This was a great read, but CEO's don't step in to give a high-five. I lost the flow after that.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-11-09 20:48:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmmm... I'd say this is worth a plastic bowl filled with whole grain Total cereal. With a little extra effort, it could've been a porcelain jar filled with Lucky Charms marshmallows.