Flinky the Ferret's™ Spectacular Adventure! -- The Horse Head (545 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 2 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RyuFu (View user info) at 2005-11-10 13:53:14 EST
So I woke up one morning when I felt something wet on my legs. I thought I was just sweating a lot at first, so I slept a little more. But when I opened my eyes I saw my whole leg drenched in blood! Drenched! I thought that was a shock until I looked over and saw where the blood was coming from: a severed horse's head! I was still shocked from my soaked leg, so it didn't exactly register that part of a dead animal was next to me. I just kind of thought re-enacting a scene from a famous movie was kind of in poor taste.
But then I realized how creepy it was!! The eyes were positioned so it was looking right at me! You could smell that metallic smell real good in my bedroom since the blood had spread to more than just my legs. My sheets, my mattress, the floor--all of it reeked of the stuff. I had to get out of there. So I grabbed my credit cards and was just about to get out of that place when I noticed a note stuck to the door:
"Consider this your first and last warning. Bring us back the goods and we might not kill you. Have a good day, sir."
I didn't know what to think! The note wasn't signed and it didn't say where to bring back the goods. On top of that I didn't know what goods they were talking about! But it was a pretty safe bet that whoever wrote it was serious. I mean, they chopped off a horse's head and put it next to me while I was sleeping!!
I mean, did they know one of my best friends is a horse? I wasn't sure what to do next other than leave home and never go back. So I went to my ex-wife Farrah's place.
I can't say that our divorce was a friendly one, but we've been on good terms for the past few weeks. We were both not even 11 months old when we eloped in Vegas; my crazy buddy Squirmy was my best man. Our parents were upset, but they came to terms with it eventually, when our son Putorius and daughter Mustela were born. He's the main reason we're okay with each other now. Although I'm not too fond of his stepfather, Farty.
In any case, Farrah was shocked when I explained my situation. But she was understanding. She let me shower off the blood and she fixed me some breakfast: bacon, eggs, and a small cup of peanut butter with raisins to perk me up. Good stuff. She's a good gal, but not the one, I guess.
I had to use the Internet to locate my pal Squirmy, who always helped me out through tough situations in the past. But since he's always been kind of a hothead, he had made enemies wherever he lived, so he was constantly on the move. But he was still my friend. After I got that info, I thanked Farrah for her help and gave her a squeaky hug as she gave me a bag of food for the road. Luckily, Farty and the kids were still asleep, so we avoided any commotion. I wish I could have seen them, though.
After a couple days of traveling, I found the address that I got from the Internet. I knocked for a while, but no one answered. The door was unlocked, though. I wasn't really familiar with the area, which was kind of shady, so I went inside. I looked all over the place for Squirmy, but found nothing. Nothing except all his stuff thrown all over the place! And that's when I heard the commotion in the backyard.
A deer was trying to fight him!! A deer! I thought Squirmy was done for--but then again, it had been a while since I saw him before that point. I had forgotten how feisty and crafty that little guy is. When he dispatched the deer, he made his way towards me and I was able to fill him on everything.
User Reviews
Submitted by bandphotographer (user info) at 2005-11-12 01:20:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-11 09:53:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
I was feeling the tone of this. I dunno. It floated my boat, if you will.
So are you really a band photographer? If so, wanna do my band? Photograph-wise, I mean.
Me, on the other hand.... '
-I AM a band photographer, what area of the world are you in, I'd love to get a few more bands under my belt, portfolio-wise, as for MY belt specifically...
None the less, once my website is updated, I'll toss you a link. Yay networking! :)
Submitted by bandphotographer (user info) at 2005-11-11 03:35:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'You win.....this time...muahahhaaa'
+2 Fairy
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-11-10 22:43:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-11-10 14:56:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
About 49 days. (Actually exactly 49 days, I just didn't want it to look like I was counting).
-Dave
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-10 14:49:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry to hear, bro. How much longer before you're allowed to imbibe?
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-11-10 14:30:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-10 14:16:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, Dave. I owe you a Guiness or a blowjob. I'll have to commission someone if you opt for the latter.
-------------------
Sadly at this point in time I would take the Guinness.
-Dave
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-10 14:16:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, Dave. I owe you a Guiness or a blowjob. I'll have to commission someone if you opt for the latter.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-11-10 14:14:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.dumpalink.com/media/1130488193/Deer_Vs_Squirrel
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-10 13:58:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm stupid. WMV loadeth not.
Go to dumpalink.com and search for "Squirrel Owns Deer." I'd post the link here, but that site is banned at work.
Squirmy is a squirrel. So so sorry.