lessons learned - RESPECT THE BALLS (797 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.9 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by bonnee <bonneehartman.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-11-10 18:51:29 EST
This is my first post. Feel free to rip it apart...I really don't give a shit. I just thought I would share anyway.
My current job has provided me with several interesting stories to share. This new story, however, made me remember a lesson I learned many years back. I will eventually pass this lesson along to my own kids.
I work at a school. You wouldn't believe the things children do when their parents aren't around. You probably wouldn't believe it even if you saw it. The playground is where most of the shit happens and where my story takes place.
I saw a little girl kick a boy square in the balls. I have never seen a child fall down so fast. I honestly thought he was dead. Normally when something of this nature happens an adult will come to the rescue right away. Unfortunately, I was stuck in place with an old memory racing through my mind.
When I was about 7 one of my brothers decided to teach me how to hit a baseball. He told me to hit it as hard as I could so I could eventually play with him and my other brothers. I did just that. I swung the bat with all the strength a 7 year old can muster up. I didn't know he was right behind me. I turned around to the crumpled mess I had made him become. I knew I was about to die. His face was purple and he was making strange gurgling noises. Then he looked at me. That was when I started to run. I made it 2 blocks before he finally caught me. He gave me the beating of a lifetime. I took it too because I knew I had done something terribly wrong. I just didn't know what. After he was done he just stood up and said, "respect my balls!"
I finally snapped out of the trance of the memory and saw the boy still laying on the ground. All of the kids were looking at me for guidance and the only thing I could get out was "respect the balls!!!" Another teacher eventually came over and took care of the situation. She didn't know what I had said, but the kids knew. They all were looking at me with a new knowledge to go home and share with their parents.
I'm still waiting on a letter to arrive in my mailbox. I don't fucking care. I probably taught those kids a lesson they will remember forever.
User Reviews
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-09-26 11:19:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by polymorph505 (user info) at 2005-11-17 00:48:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for being new and squeezing out a golden nugget like "respect my balls!"
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precisely
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2006-09-26 11:05:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
highly amusing
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-11-17 00:52:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
True Advice.
Submitted by polymorph505 (user info) at 2005-11-17 00:48:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for being new and squeezing out a golden nugget like "respect my balls!"
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2005-11-17 00:27:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"You wouldn't believe the things children do when their parents aren't around." Ha! That's a joke. My mom's right behind me now. Watch.....FUCK SHIT CUNT TWAT FART POOOOOOPPPPPPP (I'm beating off with broken glass right now and kicking my pregnant dog). Shit!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-11 04:29:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw a little girl kick a boy square in the balls. I have never seen a child fall down so fast. I honestly thought he was dead.
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That's it right there. That's the funny.
You could have posted those three sentances and you'd have recieved praise.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-11-11 04:12:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
nice start disco boy.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-11-11 01:38:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Be careful. Some of these folk are not very pleasant. Case in point: Shlongy
I'll send you all the links NOT to click on, later.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-11-10 23:57:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
By the way, are you American or what?
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-11-10 23:24:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think anyone else has drank as much as I.
I laughed.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-11-10 22:07:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I also called you a whining, useless lump that does nothing but complain.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-10 21:54:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Mrs. Shlongy just respected my balls...orally.
Woooooeeeeeeee....Thank God for booze.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-11-10 21:44:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Not great. But worth reading. Keep writing, though. A few stories from the perspective of a teacher at a school interest me muchly.
Submitted by crazyaardvark (user info) at 2005-11-10 21:32:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Respect
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-11-10 21:21:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hey hey let's go kenka suru
Taisetsu no mono
Protect my balls!
Boku ga warui
So let's fighting...
Let's fighting love!
Let's fighting love!
Submitted by yuvalset (user info) at 2005-11-10 20:22:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This post really sucks. But it is my way to give a post a high rating and say it sucks.
Actually, it doesn't really suck that much, only a little. you could hear the sound of it: ts ts ts ts ts. But it's kinda vague now. Perhaps it doesn't suck at all.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-11-10 19:49:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought it was OK. FUCK the time-worn policy of -2ing first posts.
That's simply a way to continue being a mindless idiot.
Submitted by Kindred (user info) at 2005-11-10 19:46:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
This is my first post. Feel free to rip it apart...I really don't give a shit. I just thought I would share anyway.
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This is the most cliched statement on Uber. If you really didn't care you wouln't have said that in the first place. Every bloody first post starts with almost the exact same sentence.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-11-10 19:32:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"This is my first post"
got this far.
-2DIE
Submitted by windowsrcold (user info) at 2005-11-10 19:22:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This is some of the funniest shit I've read today. I too had a similar experience and feel that this statement should be part of curriculum. RESPECT THE BALLS 101
Submitted by ButtloadOfMystery (user info) at 2005-11-10 19:07:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Haha - respect the balls - I'm gonna start telling infants to use this at the dinner table.
Boy will their parents mess their pants!
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-11-10 19:05:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Welcome too UBER, im sure you will get better.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-11-10 19:02:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't know. I kind of got a giggle out of it. Good luck in your Uber career.
Oh, by the way....
Do you fuck on the first date?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-11-10 18:54:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
tosser