My 200th Post...And Why the Attachments Won't Work...and Lots and Lots of Juice! (1031 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.83 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (View user info) at 2005-11-11 00:15:51 EST
User Reviews
Submitted by mles76 (user info) at 2006-08-11 15:40:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You've opened my eyes to the wrongs of the human race in this post!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-11 15:29:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Another masterpiece by Bradley Linzy!
Submitted by Drone_of_Industry (user info) at 2005-11-11 11:36:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
hmmm... pope juice. I think you're stretching it a bit to far. Like that Eddie Murphy song when he talks about putting everything in his butt
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-11-11 04:02:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You and Saxon, partners in slime...
Submitted by bandphotographer (user info) at 2005-11-11 03:54:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You and Saxon are fucking awesome. My first thought while reading the two posts was that line from BHG 'if I don't believe in myself would that be blastphemy?' I say 3 cheers for turning yourself on and getting yourself off.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-11-11 00:35:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit that is uncanny.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-11-11 00:21:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HEre's the post:
I admit it. I got a little carried away with all the submitting. In my heated rush to post this stupid piece of shit graphic post today, I managed to bowl right over my sacred 200th post without so much as a moment of silence.
We all know that round numbers present a good opportunity to bring attention back to ourselves...hell, just as those 2000 dead soldiers! I'm sure those limelight-swipin' sons of battlements are just living it up somewhere right now at some conflict afterparty in heaven, while I sit here holding my limp 203rd post in my hand - trying to jack it into attention and squeeze some sort of holiness out of it.
Fuck pimp juice. I needs me some Pope juice!
You know, I betcha they could sell that shit too: Freshly squeezed Pope...100% Pure Pope Juice...from concentrate. On the carton, there'd be a picture of the pope on a tree...just chillin'. Maybe a couple black dudes up there with him...just hangin' out. On the back of the carton, there'd be a picture of a kid with a gym sock in his mouth, just covered in Pope juice.
Where in God's name am I going with this???
To hell probably. That's it! To hell.
While I'm on the subject though, I know this question has been asked 1000 times, but I still haven't figured it out: What is this "100% Pure From Concentrate" shit? What exactly does that MEAN!?!? Someone had to concentrate real hard to make this shit pure? I mean, it's Pope juice, how tainted can it possibly be?!?! And isn't that what holy water is supposed to be for? I'm not Catholic; somebody help me out.
If something is 'concentrated', that means it's, like, crushed down to its essential stuff. It's like what happens when stars collapse; a teaspoon of the shit weighs as much as the earth or some shit. Does that mean that a can of Pope juice in its concentrated form woud weigh as much as, like, a couple bishops and a cardinal?
Ok, how 'bout a sparrow? (A-ha! Didn't see that pun a-comin' didja?)
I could only understand the Pope juice maintaining its purity if it was reconstituted using holy water. That's where I'm drawing the line!
I'm like the quality control of Pope juice up in this bitch. In fact, I think I'm gonna brand that shit right now.
Pope Juice™
There, that's better. Now where was I???
Oh! ...nope, still don't remember... Fucking drugs...
Oh well, it'll come to me... In the meantime, I have a question... Speaking of popes and juice and stuff...
Is it a sin to think about yourself jacking off WHILE you're jacking off? Or is it just that the jacking off itself is bad regardless of what you're thinking of? Cause, I mean, if it's a sin anyway, we might as well be throwin' some monkeys and shit up in there. I don't want to just wait in Purgatory, I want a SUITE up in that bitch! Gimmie a mini bar and room service while we're at it... Make sure to stock up on plenty of Pope Juice™ too. I have a feeling I'm gonna need it.
HEY! That's a catchy slogan for my new Pope Juice™ brand: "I have a feeling I'm gonna need it."™
Hell, if the attachments worked, I'd show you my idea for the container...but it's really probably for the best I don't, to tell you the truth. I know I'm going to hell and all, but I really don't need to be pushing it.
So, back to masturbation...
I've always wondered...you know...besides the thinking about yourself thing... What if you had sex with your clone? Would that mean you were gay...or just masturbating?
And what the fuck is up with the attachments!?! Where are they when I need to show you people photos of me having sex with my clone!?!?!?
That's it. I will now kill everyone...
...and spray them with concentrated Pope Juice™.
I have a feeling they're gonna need it.