killer (2180 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.95 on 52 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by creep_firebombing (aim: creepfirebombing) (View user info) at 2005-11-14 06:41:24 EST
What makes a man give up? Consider this. Every man starts out as a single cell. A drop of DNA. A bucket. As a cell, that bucket is empty. Add genetics passed down from an alcoholic father. From a heroin addict mother. Each is a drop in the bucket. Bad skin. Drip. Crooked teeth. Drop. A poor childhood growing up in a shitty neighborhood after Mom O.D.'d...Splash.
How many drops of bad luck, bad decisions, bad jobs, and bad people until that bucket overflows spilling murky black suffering all over everything...and everyone...it touches? How much until it just swells over?
That's when a man breaks. That's when a man lets go. And there's no stopping him until the bucket is empty again.
* * * * * * * * * *
The first time was easy. Yes, it was. The first time, you felt justified. The outside world looked at your father as a hero. A single man working hard days and long nights to feed you and your little sister. To keep a roof over your heads. He did the best he could, they'd say. He'd done a mighty fine job of raising you and Nikki, yes indeed. But they didn't see. They didn't see him come home from work, drink a fifth of Jim, and beat you until he was tired enough to sleep. Every day. They didn't see him tie you to the steel hook on the garage door with an extension cord and beat you with a wire coat hanger because it wouldn't leave a mark. That was your eight birthday. They didn't see. They didn't see him sweating through his work shirt the first time you walked in on him fucking Nikki from behind while he held her screaming face-down in a pillow.
Just thinking about it, the world shifts a little. Bile stings the back of your throat. You remember holding Nikki's hand walking into the abortion clinic. What were you, about fifteen? That would've made her thirteen. Dad said he never really believed you were his kids anyway.
Yeah, you had to do it. The first time wasn't your fault. Your father had to die, right? HE was the evil one! You felt downright fucking righteous! Like you had done the world some good. One less monster.
The world shifts again. Not much. Just a few inches. Like a deep drunk, your foot sliding off the step, but landing securely on the next. Just a skipped cog in the big machine.
Your twentieth birthday. Dad at the kitchen table going shot for shot with himself. You were sober as a judge. Yeah. Just like a judge, standing above a condemned man. His sentence, death. It's funny really. The camp saw was in a box of junk you picked up for three dollars at a church yard sale. There it was, still in the package, nestled underneath a painted ceramic bird. A robin, if memory serves. The saw was one of those survival things, a chain of sharp teeth and a finger-sized key ring on each end. You sling it over a branch and pull the rings back and forth toward you until the sharp little teeth cut down through the wood. You didn't even know it was in the box until this morning. This morning...that's when Nikki told you she wasn't going to college. She told you she wasn't smart enough. She'd been slipping for years. Once straight-A's, she barely graduated high school. Instead of community college, she got a job at a strip club. No matter how much you begged her to reconsider, her mind was made up. Shift.
As you stood behind your father with a camp saw uncurled between your hands and the little key rings around your middle fingers, you thought of a lot of things. You remembered the years of beatings. You remember your mother's face. Flashes in your mind...slipping from scene to scene. Pushing Dad off of Nikki time and time again when he would finish inside her and pass out in a drunken, spent, mess. Images colliding. No longer a smooth progression, but a frantic struggle to the surface. Picking the mold off the bread. Stealing cans of Chef Boyardee. Your broken nose. Nikki sobbing endlessly. Mom's eyes open and lifeless, a syringe still sticking out of her arm. Blood on the floor. The scars on Nikki's wrists. You remember that at that very second, Nikki was down at the Golden Horseshoe sucking off a stranger for money in a grimy back booth. Shift.
Neither you nor your father realized you had already slipped the saw around his neck. As you tightened your grip, the knowledge shocks you both to the surface. Before he can move, you ram your knee in the back of his neck. As his hands jerk up to his neck, he knocks the bottle of Jim Beam over. His left hand continues to his neck, but the booze is so vital to him now that his right hand shoots forward to pick up the bottle before too much golden nectar escapes. Amazing! He's about to die and he saves the bottle before he tries to save himself. The thought actually makes you laugh out loud. Dad is not so amused.
"Fuck him if he can't take a joke." you think to yourself. You begin pulling the left ring to the rear. Tiny blades cut flesh and a warm wetness splatters to your hands and spreads into every fiber of your being. Electricity courses through you and a coppery taste floods your mouth.
Right.
Left.
Right.
Left...
* * * * * * * * * *
A hot shower afterwards did nothing to cleanse you, did it? The fire you set to your childhood home did nothing to purify you either. Nothing matters. The dump had two mortgages on it anyway. You hopped in your truck and picked up Nikki from work. When she stumbled out of the back door you could already tell she was coked up.
"Get in the truck, Nik."
"Thanks for picking me up."
"S'okay."
"Love you."
"Love you too."
And then the highway. Ah, the first time.
~TBC~
User Reviews
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2006-10-14 15:12:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm torn. The actual Writing in this was excellent, but I did find the actual subject matter to be rather trite and overdone.
"His sentence, death."
- and that line was one of the cheesyiest things I've ever read.
Minor gripes aside, this is better than 99% of what get's posted here so I guess it would be overly harsh not to +2 it.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-14 15:11:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Santa Penis
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-10-14 14:52:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
me likey. CREEP-e.
Submitted by SantaClaus (user info) at 2006-09-19 13:58:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-08 17:12:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2s all around for someone getting pissed at me enough for not one but two uberboard messages!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-08 16:48:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
There are a solid 15 posts of +2 streaks with 30 or more reviews. That is stupid. I am weeding it all out by giving every one of them a +1; that way posts that have 1.99 with 200+ reviews gets best ever.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-06-15 20:15:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-11-14 20:19:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
holy fuck
Submitted by Kale (user info) at 2006-03-25 03:07:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2006-03-03 11:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Surprised I missed this.
Very good.
Submitted by SiddleyHawker (user info) at 2006-02-19 00:24:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Really well done.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-02-19 00:09:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember reading this a while ago.
Maybe I was just too shocked to remember to rate.
Submitted by AlexorGM (user info) at 2006-02-18 22:35:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
amazing
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-08 16:11:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is like the worst thing I've ever read, simply horrible.
Just kidding. It's awesome.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-08 15:55:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
amazing.
"A robin, if memory serves." i like that. the strangest things really do stay with you.
Submitted by Bayley (user info) at 2005-12-08 15:35:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow Dan this was really good!!!
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2005-11-18 17:30:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i loved this. hope the next is awewsome as well
Submitted by brohman20012000 (user info) at 2005-11-17 14:01:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Out-fucking-standing! Yet creepy.....
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-11-16 13:43:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy fuck.
Submitted by Lmarie22000 (user info) at 2005-11-15 23:15:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2005-11-15 18:17:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Kicker of all ass (+2)" Could never, ever apply more to any other post.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-11-15 03:43:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-11-14 20:42:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this, is a fucking anthem.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-11-14 20:30:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This post just made me grow a second penis, that's how fucking awesome it was
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-11-14 20:30:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Spooky, NIGGAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-11-14 20:29:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
Wow.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-11-14 20:19:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
holy fuck
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:29:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:30:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-11-14 11:40:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sharp. Only part that seems a bit off is the part where the father's trying to grab at the bottle. Everything else was crystal clear, but that part seemed a bit allegorical.
----
Funny, I thought this was a great, telling detail--totally believable. My only quibble (and that's all it is) would be to tone it down, just let it play out as the reflex of someone on a full-blown bender, and lose the line, "Amazing! He's about to die and he saves the bottle before he tries to save himself." (More effective to let us fill in that observation.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yeah, you're right. That was a bit much now that I read it. Ah well. I was just rolling with the feeling and trying to get it all down as fast as it was coming.
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:30:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-11-14 11:40:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sharp. Only part that seems a bit off is the part where the father's trying to grab at the bottle. Everything else was crystal clear, but that part seemed a bit allegorical.
----
Funny, I thought this was a great, telling detail--totally believable. My only quibble (and that's all it is) would be to tone it down, just let it play out as the reflex of someone on a full-blown bender, and lose the line, "Amazing! He's about to die and he saves the bottle before he tries to save himself." (More effective to let us fill in that observation.)
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:02:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:01:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well fucking done'
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-11-14 11:40:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sharp. Only part that seems a bit off is the part where the father's trying to grab at the bottle. Everything else was crystal clear, but that part seemed a bit allegorical.
=-=-=-i actually thought that was a great touch
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-11-14 14:45:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-11-14 12:40:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rockage.
Submitted by rayrayshanaynay (user info) at 2005-11-14 12:33:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well done.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-11-14 11:40:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sharp. Only part that seems a bit off is the part where the father's trying to grab at the bottle. Everything else was crystal clear, but that part seemed a bit allegorical.
Submitted by Dizzle (user info) at 2005-11-14 11:20:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great! Disturbing, but great writing all the same!
Submitted by houseman (user info) at 2005-11-14 11:17:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
great
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-11-14 10:58:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WOW.
I
Love
You.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-11-14 10:40:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Needs more hits.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-11-14 10:31:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well Done.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-11-14 09:48:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh dear
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-11-14 09:38:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Geez...
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-11-14 09:36:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-11-14 09:19:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic. I'm always impressed with your writing.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-11-14 08:56:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice...
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-11-14 08:42:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't know where this is going to end up, but I look forward to following along.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-11-14 08:31:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-11-14 08:18:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
very good.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-11-14 07:59:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow dude.
Good.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-14 06:55:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One more time. I think this is one of the best pieces of writing I've read on Uber. It is visceral, emotive and effective.
Played.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-14 06:53:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Really excellent.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-14 06:53:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-14 06:46:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very moving.