First Ever UberPoem Completed!!! (600 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: 0.41 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ButtloadOfMystery (View user info) at 2005-11-14 10:18:30 EST
This was started on Friday (http://www.ubersite.com/m/78922) and this is the finalized, most correct version. Contributions were made by many, and there were some that just wanted to screw it up - those looking to screw it up got just punishment. Muahahahaha. Now feast your eyes on this beautiful piece of literature:
I'm so fucking bored today, I want to go home
I do as well, let's make love, Shamone!
TigerLilly is nice, she makes me feel neat
Oh I get it now as I sit in my seat.
I can't even think my head hurts
I don't know about you but I like pink shirts
And now I need to take a crap
I FUCKED YOUR MOM, ooooo snap!
I'm trying to think of a word I heard,
It was "FartSmeller's a nerd."
I'd like to drink with Tiger tonight
you can drink lots of booze and get in bar fights
now i'll go out and kill some time
I'm having a hard time, making that rhyme
I'm bored to tears, will the clock ever say five?
i'm here in my cube feeling half-alive;
Trying to think of a rhyme for 'purple'
Fuck the last poster, he's just like Steve Urkel,
Trying to mess up this beautiful post
buttload, you're not a nice host;
I like your idea just like I like orange.
I'm am quite sorry, I was looking at pornj
That's the kind they look at in Sweden
I just came back and I brought the weed in
now if the Chinaman will just give me a hug
Badass: as soon as I munch this hoe's rug;
But first I have to get my thumb out my ass.
Oh your funny oh your a gas
Now lick my balls bitch
You don't want that; my mouth has this itch;
Good lawd, this has taken a dirty turn
Give him some penicillan to stop the burn
Ghonnorea is like saying I love you, fucker.
That was good! bend over and I'll pucker;
But make it quick so I can go shave my pubes
you shave your pubes and I'll get the lube
we're gonna have fun tonight like a 4'2" hooker
Short little whores are funner than snooker;
I must stop for now to go get some lunch.
For your lunch I have a hunch
You'll be eating a buttload of dick
you may think that your hunch is pretty slick
but your sisters lunch will be my dick
huh huh huh you're pretty quick
now bend over an lemme fuck your ass
on that i'll have to take a pass
cause this is getting quite risque
I can't think so I'll call you passed gay
That'll fit you fucking tit
damn you for rhyming that risque shit
now I'll have to bang your aunt sally
The 'puggers cried, "RAPE", at a pro-lifer rally.
Then sitting on toadstools I ate a large orange...
thorns don't get it, it think he's foreignz
that is crap but can you do better?
do be mad you little go getter
next thing you know we'll have to rhyme smurfs
I'm back and my lunch is tuna--not turf...sss;
Is it bad that I have not done an iota of work?
don't lie you don't work ya fuckin jerk
believe me when I say i haven't done any either
badass, you give me a laughing fever; [approximate rhyme, like half of these]
Are you like the dad on 'Grounded for Life' or are you cooler?
Grounded For Life what're you a tool er,
May just a twat that watches too much TV
TV is good for sports and some shows and doesn't give STD's;
But sometimes I sit around sucking my cock.
If my name was Shlongy, I'd smoke the rock
But I just ran out of food stamps
He smokes so much penos, his neck gets bad cramps,
But he's funny sometimes so I let it slide.
When I put it his ass, I use Astroglide
It helps alleviate the burn
I guess I just never learn,
I always go natural with the buttsecks
I'll fuck your ass like a T-Rex
you know you like it Nancy
When I eat Ketchup, I like it fancy
I heard Bart got shot in 'Nam
oh shit, your verse is like da bomb
I'm kidding you're just a dumb fuck
Looks like this game is shit out of luck
so maybe you should all just blow me
I'd give you head if you were my homey
But I think you're just a Ho
I cant imagine how you would know
except that i prostitute myself on the intarweb
You ain't got nothin on this pimp named Jeb
So fuck a HAR HAR RABBIT!
So what if I have a cocaine habit?
I actually have reception on the train!
I like spics - I think I'll go to Spain
BPF (Blank Post Friday) sucks balls
Lean me up against the wall
Fuck me hard till I.....
-2 DIE!
(The End)
User Reviews
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-11-15 01:09:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-11-14 17:19:24 (#)
Ranking: 0
First ever?
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-11-14 18:12:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh!
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-11-14 17:23:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-14 11:12:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-11-14 11:07:43 (#)
Ranking: -2
omg lol
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I rather agree, I didn't enjoy it. I didn't laugh and I didn't find it amusing.
Sorry dude, I know you put a lot of time and effort into this.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-11-14 17:19:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
First ever?
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:58:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-14 11:48:58 (#)
Ranking: -2
This is quite possibly, the worst attempt at - well, at whatever the fuck it is- that I have ever read.
Thankfully, I only read half of it as I realized that it was not improving with age.
Don't ever do this again.
-----------------------------
Ahh, there is the Shlongy we all know and love.
Submitted by ButtloadOfMystery (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:43:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Uh - RIGHT - this was compiled by multiple users, dumbtard.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:40:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wrong.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/42359
http://www.ubersite.com/m/41970
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-11-14 12:56:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
HAR HAR OXYGEN THIEF
Submitted by ButtloadOfMystery (user info) at 2005-11-14 12:55:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't be jealous Foonie, just because you weren't in on it!
HAR HAR OUTCAST
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2005-11-14 12:26:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What zakalwe said.
Submitted by ButtloadOfMystery (user info) at 2005-11-14 12:24:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't be scared, little one. The end may be near for you, but it twas not my fault. You have been planning on offing yourself for quite some time now! Probably because of the lack of parental involvement in your early childhood, then of your illicit homosexual love life which you denied in order to be a good little Catholic boy (oh, the Priests!). The fact that you can't understand humor (especially that of the genius kind), is a sad, sad thing to behold. It's true, there were some shitty parts to this poem, and I'm not defending the contributors for some of their sub-par limmerick, but you cannot shoot the messenger. I was just the arranger and facilitator of said poem. So stop with all the bitching. You asshat.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-11-14 12:16:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
in the short time since you gave me a negative rating, I've been contemplating suicide.
I hope you realise the serious emotional devastation that revenge -2ing inflicts on a man, especially when he is already reeling from the gruelling experience of reading one of your posts.
please, the next time you want to defend your creations, please have mercy on those who cannot help but rate it true. we are as much slaves to our intellectual honesty as you are to your crushing lack of merit.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-14 11:48:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This is quite possibly, the worst attempt at - well, at whatever the fuck it is- that I have ever read.
Thankfully, I only read half of it as I realized that it was not improving with age.
Don't ever do this again.
Submitted by ButtloadOfMystery (user info) at 2005-11-14 11:36:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Whoa everyone - this doesn't reflect my writing style/ability one bit - this was compiled from many different people - and while yeah, most people threw verse and flow right out the window, it is kinda hard to write a poem with someone else's line as a lead. But anywho - it kept a lot of us busy on Black Friday, so at least we can be thankful for that.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-11-14 11:25:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was very cool. The shite rhyming made it an adventure to read.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-14 11:23:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-11-14 10:46:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to have to get Chinaman's email, we could write one of these together, one so powerful it may one day rule the world!
----------
jon.at.thestops.com
But I warn you, dese skillz iz danjeruhs.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-14 11:22:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I was going to point out individual pieces of this that sucked ass, until I realized that I just copied the entire thing. This post reminds me of this guy at a Megadeth concert who brought a beachball for everyone to bounce around when the bands weren't playing. He went home that night, framed the ball, and proceeded to drive to everyone of our houses and make exasperated gasps of joy as he regaled our times HITTING A FUCKING BEACH BALL. Read into that however you like.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-14 11:22:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh.
Feels forced.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-14 11:12:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-11-14 11:07:43 (#)
Ranking: -2
omg lol
---------
I rather agree, I didn't enjoy it. I didn't laugh and I didn't find it amusing.
Sorry dude, I know you put a lot of time and effort into this.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-11-14 11:07:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
omg lol
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-11-14 11:03:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for keeping the ending I contributed.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-11-14 10:59:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Your meter could use quite a touch-up, 'tis true,
I've found flowless verse makes a reader's balls blue,
So: 'A' for your effort, +1 for the laughs,
You lost one for not citing Bart's assless chaps.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-11-14 10:53:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice!
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-11-14 10:51:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good clean (?) fun on a "Black Friday" afternoon. Thanks.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-11-14 10:46:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to have to get Chinaman's email, we could write one of these together, one so powerful it may one day rule the world!
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-11-14 10:39:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-11-14 10:31:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was fun. You rock.
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-11-14 10:30:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha. Classic.
Really makes you feel like you've accomplished something, having had a hand in such a quality collective effort.