Flinky the Ferret's™ Spectacular Adventure! -- Squirmy the Squirrel (539 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 2 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RyuFu (View user info) at 2005-11-14 13:01:10 EST
"Wow, mon, a horse's head! Dat's rough!"
"I know! But what I don't know is what this all means!! I mean, I don't know what 'good' they're looking for. I don't even know who 'they' are!!"
"Well, mon, it looks to me like some form of guilt by association."
"Guilt by association? What do you mean by that?"
"Well, deh was I look at tings, I tink dey know you don't actually have deh 'goods'. But dey probly tink you know who has dem."
"But that's impossible! I run a legitimate chimney sweeping business! Every number in my company pans out perfectly. I don't have any drug problems either. I never did anything that would be considered illegal--I don't know anyone that has, either!"
"No, mon, you only tink you don't know no one."
"What are you talking about? Who in my life could possibly--"
"Flinky, dey could have used any number o' tactics to get some info out o' you. But dey didn'. Dey knew you didn't know nuttin' yerself. So dey scared you out o' yer bed fer good until you find dehr goods for'em. An' dey chose sumtin' very specific like dis woz some kind o' classic gangsta movie. Flinky, are you close wit any horses?"
Up to this point in the conversation, I was so caught up in finding answers from Squirmy, that I didn't think I would have any myself. As tough as he was physically, there's no denying he got every bit of brainpower out of that walnut in his head.
"You mean...Harry? But how--?"
"Listen to me, Flinky, we've known each other all our 4 years on dis planet. In all dis time, da one greates' lesson I've learned is dat you can' trust nobody."
"But Harry's so...well, I guess it's possible. Umm, Squirmy, can I ask you something?"
"Sure, mon, it's what I'm here fer."
"Well, we've known each other all our lives, and I know we've gone for a lot of weeks without actually seeing each other, but...well, you're originally from Chicago and--when did you develop a Jamaican accent?"
"Oh, dat! Ha! Well, it's dat devil of an ex-girlfriend o' mine!"
"Oh, you mean Squeegee? I thought you two were so close!"
"Ya mon, dat's da name, but dat ain't da same game no more. We both love da chronic so much dat we spent many days developing da formula for da most perfect stuff. An' when we finally did it, we harvested a small sample to show to some major players. One mornin' doh, I woke up to find an empty Ziploc bag and a note saying the formula was hers."
"Wow, that really sucks, man. So you got really depressed and picked up an accent?"
"No, mon, check it out: I found out from a friend of a friend dat Squeegee booked a one-way flight to Jamaica. It looks like she wants to become a major player over dehr. So I decided to go over dehr incognito and take back my formula. I tink if I disguise myself as a local, she'll never see it comin'."
"Ah. Well, I hope that goes alright for you. You don't suppose your super ganja is what these people are looking for?"
"Nah, mon, I highly doubt it. I don' tink someone would chop off horse head for our stuff. Even da best weed in da worl'--which I tink I made da formula fer--isn' wort as much on deh market as the higher caliber stuff. Nah, I tink yer best bet is talkin' to Harry an' findin' out what skeletons he's hidin' away."
"I just don't see how Harry would pull off that kind of lifestyle."
"Flinky, what'd I just tell you 'bout people--yeh can' trust no one. Life's risky enough as 'tis."
"Yeah, I guess you're right. But I don't know how to go about asking Harry about it. As nice as he is, he does have sort of a temper..."
"I'll tell you what, mon. Since I have to wait a bit fer my dreds to grow before I can get back my formula, how 'bout I tag along wit you? Dehr's power in numbers, I always hear."
"Hey, that would be great! Yeah, let's do it!"
"Alright mon, I'll pack me tings an' we'll be on our way. Oh, but looky here. Stupid deer came back fer more punishment. Hold on, let me jus' take care of him first."
Flinky was one tough squirrel. I could never have gone through this whole ordeal without him.
Since it didn't post the first time, Squirrel PWNS Deer.wmv (430 kB) [video/x-ms-wmv]
User Reviews
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-04 07:24:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Silly stuff but +2 for the vid
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-12-02 09:28:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hmm, it appears that last line should read "Squirmy was one tough squirrel...."
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-11-14 22:34:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this should have more reviews.
cause it rocks.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-11-14 17:30:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No reviews all day?
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:04:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Soo, I wrote this whole post and tried to submit, only to have the damn thing time out. So the post was lost. Rather than get back to work, I re-wrote the whole thing from scratch. I'm not a fan of the work, apparently.
Oh, and since the last episode was on the eve of the Uber server collapse (when attachments uploaded sporadically), I figured I'd let everyone take a glimpse at Squirmy in action. Good stuff.