A Magical Fairy Tale (4108 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.07 on 149 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by GoodGirl (View user info) at 2005-11-14 13:02:43 EST
Once upon a time in a magical and wonderful kingdom far far away, there lived a fair princess with hair the color of the sun, eyes the color of the sea, and skin the color of ivory. Her life was full of good fortune and pleasure. Her parents unceasingly lauded her with gifts and riches her entire life for she was an only child and the sole heir to the throne of her father's kingdom. She had an adorable chihuahua named Gizmo. She was safe, well-educated, she had many friends, and most of all, she was happy with her life
One beautiful autumn morning, she awoke from her large satin-laden bed, walked out onto her balcony, and surveyed the entire kingdom. A smile washed over her face as she thought, "it is such a beautiful kingdom. Full of life and love and happiness. But I've never been outside this place. I've never experienced what life is like away from the comforts of home."
With that, the Princess put on her most beautiful daytime dress, mounted atop her well-groomed and steadfast white steed, and rode away from the castle.
For hours and hours she rode into the sun until she came upon the borders of her father's kingdom. "The Forest of the Unknown," she whispered to herself as she slowly came upon a very gloomy and mysterious looking place. In front of her were tall dark trees, moss-covered rocks, beaten leave, unfamiliar scents and sounds, and no trails. "Well, Destiny," she said to her horse "this is where I leave you. I must do this alone. I must be brave, Destiny. I am good person with a good heart. Whatever troubles I encounter on this journey will hopefully be resolved with a friendly smile."
She then dismounted her horse, took with her the basket of fruits and goodies she packed earlier, and cautiously entered The Forest of the Unknown.
A few yards in, she happened upon a rather large toad.
"Ribbit...Ribbit," said the toad.
"Well hello there Mr. Toad. How are you today?" said the princess with an enthusiastic smile on her face.
The toad, who had warts covering his entire body, slowly hopped around to look at the princess. He looked her up and down very slowly and said "You plastic bitch. Ribbit. Do you swallow the goo?"
Dumbfounded, the princess did not respond, and only looked at the toad with a stunned look on her face.
"What's the matter, you racist twat" continued the toad "did the bleach from your fake blonde hair seep into your brain and you are now too dumb to understand English?"
"E-Excuse me?" stuttered the princess
"English, motherfucker! Do you speak it!"
With tears welling up in her eyes, the princess ran away from the horrible toad and journeyed deeper into the forest, still hoping to find goodness outside her father's kingdom. In the distance, she heard "Get the fuck out of this forest, you stupid cunt!"
From another voice she heard, "We already have enough people here and we don't need any new ones...and for the record, you're fat! We can tell by the wallow of flesh hanging from your arm..." and then the voice faded away.
Now crying and unable to see, she was running when her long flowing dress got caught on a low tree branch, ripping a huge gaping hole in her dress, and tripping her to the ground.
Now dirty from the being on the ground, the princess sobbed to herself and asked "what have I done? What did I do to upset this forest? I just wanted to see what was out there and try t..."
"Hello there, Miss," said a large, looming man standing above her "are you ok?"
The princess looked up and saw a fairly handsome man standing above her.
"Here," he said "let me help you up." And he took the princess and slowly helped her to her feet. "You don't need to cry. It's ok. But do me a favor? Please die of cancer as quickly as possible. That would make us all feel better. Okay?"
And with that, he punched the princess in the stomach, knocking the wind out of her and sending her to the ground for the second time.
Still standing above her and now looking down on the princess with disdain and spite, he saw the tear in the dress which revealed half of her right arm. "Nice flabby arms by the way," he slyly stated "Can I get frequent flyer miles by fucking your face? HAHAHAHAHAHAH..." And he ran away into the depths of the forest. Retreating to where he was safe with the others mocking her from a distance.
The princess saw another man come up to her assailant, pat him on the back and say "you are SO my hero for what you just did. You completely owned her!"
They then slapped high-fives, kissed each other passionately while groping each others respective genitalia and both ran off into the forest holding hands.
---Part 2 coming tomorrow---
User Reviews
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-11-18 01:34:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
now i smell anchovies
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-11-18 01:09:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I like tits. How are yours??
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-11-17 14:26:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm so confused.
On one hand, this was terrible. I mean, you made yourself a princess, ubersite a magical forest, and frogs spouting obscenities. This, to me, means you have a sense of humor (however warped.) Which means you're likely not an alter - they'd go for emo-tears that were at least a BIT more believable.
Personally, I don't care if you DO have dyed blonde hair or wallows under your arms. This was actually funny, and I have a soft spot for princesses (they go well in a nice holendaise sauce.)
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-11-16 20:11:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh maybe its not an alter.
Submitted by brohman20012000 (user info) at 2005-11-16 13:54:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Outstanding!
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-11-16 10:58:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was fucking hilarious. I thought it was a brilliant comeback to some of the shit she got. Not the most original idea for a post, but still very well executed and some of the lines made up for the lack of originality by themselves. Bravo, shake off the haters.
Do more.
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2005-11-16 07:26:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry, I actually think this was quite funny. It's whiny and you've made yourself a princess but I'm not convinced you're an alter.
Method
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-11-16 06:13:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5 but good
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-11-16 03:40:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I do love it when people come to Uber then bitch about it. If you don't like a site, then don't look at it. How big does your ego have to be to expect an entire website to change for you?
Submitted by ipayparis (user info) at 2005-11-15 20:53:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I like that. It made me chuckle.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-11-15 18:45:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
shitty alter alert!!!
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-15 16:26:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 17:56:23 (#)
Ranking: 0
someone needs a hug. or some ass ;) that'll cheer you right on up!
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I need some ass
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-11-15 15:30:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
::crickets::
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-11-15 14:20:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-15 10:51:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
i went to chucks a few times. my girls weren't the biggest fans of it but i usually had a good time there.
awwwwww memories!
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what was chuck's popular drink special on friday nights?
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-11-15 13:49:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:32:33 (#)
Ranking: -1
Don't take it all so personally, you seem cute enought but that doesn't matter in the least.
Everyone comes here and gets their shit reemed out, it's the way it works.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I never got my shit reamed. Where's the hate, people? I feel so left out.
Submitted by MyOwnLittleWorld (user info) at 2005-11-15 12:28:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-11-14 19:20:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
this just might be my best alter ever
-------------------------------------------------------
better than sabrina?
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=19481
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-11-15 11:24:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
WHY?
Hellooooooooooooooo theer!
buht-sechs
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-15 11:14:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I went to SU for a year but even that won't save this horseshit post.
I buried my dear old dad in Syracuse, too. In December of '95. The day Syracuse received two feet of snow.
Submitted by youarewrong (user info) at 2005-11-15 11:06:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
The picture. The picture.
How did you find it?
I can never go there again. I will rape you for this.
The picture.
It was MY place. The place I used to hang out looking for kids.
Thats right.
My knife is no longer going to be wet. I hope your happy now.
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-15 10:51:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i went to chucks a few times. my girls weren't the biggest fans of it but i usually had a good time there.
awwwwww memories!
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-11-15 10:28:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-15 08:58:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
MyNameIsTim, yes I went to Syracuse. my favorite bar? i guess that would have to be Harry's. lucy's was also a good one. i miss college SOOO much.
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ever go to Chucks?
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-11-15 09:42:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-11-09 19:10:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
Does fighting with your own alters fall under "insanity" or "eccentricity"?
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Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-09 19:09:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
bint? is that the best you can do? try again, please.
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Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-11-09 19:07:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
cuz you are, you stupid bint
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Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-09 19:07:24 (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm really not on this site to meet anyone, method.
but thank you for the gentlemanly invitation.
and why do people think i'm you?
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Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-11-09 19:04:56 (#)
Ranking: 0
Hi let's hang out, I work in Manhattan too, I'll take you on a horse drawn carriage ride in Central park and top the evening off with a good old fashioned raping in the bushes.
I'm such a fucking gentleman.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-11-15 09:35:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I like to imagine that when the tree branch rips a hole in her dress you can see her cleanly shaved beaver, sans panties.
Great story!
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-15 08:58:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
MyNameIsTim, yes I went to Syracuse. my favorite bar? i guess that would have to be Harry's. lucy's was also a good one. i miss college SOOO much.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-11-15 08:50:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
so you went to 'cuse huh?
what was your favorite bar?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-15 06:25:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I figured out why people love reviewing GoodGirls posts, it's someone they can feel superiour to.
Makes you think.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-11-15 05:24:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kolenabobena (user info) at 2005-11-15 00:47:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't worry about all of the shitfucks here. I think you're funny.
Submitted by erinly (user info) at 2005-11-15 00:11:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-11-14 19:47:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Who's alter? Who, besides Shlongy, has ever called anyone "chief"?
---
It's true. I think Shlongy has copyrighted use of the word "chief".
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-11-15 00:11:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
well this sucked.
Submitted by yuvalset (user info) at 2005-11-14 21:13:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There's clearly a lesson to learn from this, but it's probably gonna be morbid
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-11-14 20:16:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HURRY UP AND POST MORE WE NEED MORE SHIT TO WASTE MOST HEATED ON!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-14 20:12:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
And also, typing with my "own" alters, as well.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-14 20:12:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I'm sorry...I get confused "speaking" with my onw alters.
Who doesn't?
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-11-14 19:55:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now that's a good post.
From the reviews I see the kids are circling their wagons around the sandbox that is uber.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-11-14 19:47:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Who's alter? Who, besides Shlongy, has ever called anyone "chief"?
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-11-14 19:41:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-11-14 19:27:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
...ohhhhh, man. I just don't know what to think about this.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-11-14 19:35:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
That's the same thing, tardo
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-11-14 19:27:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
...ohhhhh, man. I just don't know what to think about this.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-14 19:21:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No it ain't.
It's MY best one yet.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-11-14 19:20:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this just might be my best alter ever
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-11-14 19:06:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
They then slapped high-fives, kissed each other passionately while groping each others respective genitalia and both ran off into the forest holding hands.
After a few minutes, the princess contemplated heading back to the safety of her fathers kingdom. "Fuck this shit," she said to herself as she picked herself up off the dirty ground and started to head back from whence she came.
As soon as she decided that she would never, ever again dwell into the cruel and evil forest, she heard the sound of hooves coming towards her. As she turned towards the sound, she noticed a rather large man riding a hardy steed towards her. As he got closer, she noticed him to be full of beard and scarce of hair on his head. She also noticed the huge smile that was covering half his face.
"WHOA!" The large man said as he pulled his rather robust steed up next to where she was standing. The horse stopped and in a flurry the man dismounted and landed just a step from where the princess stood. She was so startled that she took a few awkward steps backwards before falling and landing right on her derriere. The big man smiled even wider and reached a hand out towards the princess. She let him take her hand, and as his huge paw engulfed her arm up to the elbow, she couldn't help but think of how huge he might be elsewhere. He pulled her to her feet, saw the look in her eyes and said "Don't get excited, it's only average."
She blushed at this remark, wondering how he possibly could have read her mind so easily. Just when she was about to speak, the large man said, "So, I see you've been introduced to this fine forest of ours by the many denizens who inhabit her deep, dark beauty." She was astonished at the gentleness of his voice. "Errr......yes," she replied. He looked down at her with a hint of pity in his eyes. He could see that she wasn't long for this forest, obviously more at home surrounded by creature comforts and parental spoilage.
"You want to seem humble," he said gently, almost at a whisper. "What?" She replied as if she hadn't heard him or didn't understand the word. "Humble," he said. "It might be a good thing if you practiced it a bit." She looked at him as if he were crazy and as he stared back, he could see that she wasn't getting it. "A little humility is good for just about everybody," he said, thinking about his journey into this same forest not long ago. "A little self effacing might do it, or a little humor at one's own expense." She was wearing the confusion on her face like some chinese men like to wear those little slipper things on thier feet. He could see it there and thought that he might never get through to this young one.
"If you write it, and it is good, they will come." Saying that, he jumped up on his horse, wheeled the horse around on the reins and started to gallop away. She watched as he ran the steed at a frantic pace, weaving in and out of the trees as if he had been here all his life. The quickness with which he had left caused quite a stir of leaves to whip up around her and she watched them settle to the ground while contemplating what the big man said. As she watched the leaves, she noted with not just a little curiosity, that they were forming a pattern on the ground. As she looked closer she noticed words were forming as the leaves settled on the forest floor. As she read the word that the letters formed, she couldn't help but wonder if the large man left his calling card to all wanderers of the forest in this manner. She looked down again to see the letters and how they were arranged.
"Bigmike," was the word laid out at her feet in leaves.
"Hmmm....maybe I'll make it through here yet," she thought as she turned and started to make her way back into the forest.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-11-14 18:51:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by erinly (user info) at 2005-11-14 18:23:44 (#)
Ranking: -2
Urbane? Is that you?
-------------
Probably.
Submitted by erinly (user info) at 2005-11-14 18:23:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Urbane? Is that you?
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2005-11-14 18:19:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"English, motherfucker! Do you speak it!"
I hate it when people rip off lines from Pulp Fiction and expect us to laugh at their cleverness.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-11-14 18:15:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
It's like lojope mated with a pile of suck...although that may be redundant.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-14 18:09:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
The more I think about it, you used one of MY lines so here's a -1.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-14 18:08:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Where'd you plagiarize THIS crapola from?
Have you given any additional thought to getting together for some 69 action?
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-11-14 18:05:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Nah
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-14 18:04:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
not bad.
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-11-14 18:02:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 17:56:23 (#)
Ranking: 0
someone needs a hug. or some ass ;) that'll cheer you right on up!
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I'm a Quadraplegic (meaning I have no limbs). I can't hug, nor can I engage in sexual activity due to Erectile dysfunction from War trauma. Thanks for reminding me of that, you bitch.
Submitted by AlexorGM (user info) at 2005-11-14 18:01:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
oh, you're that good girl loser.
WTF OMG
Submitted by AlexorGM (user info) at 2005-11-14 18:00:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"Here," he said "let me help you up." And he took the princess and slowly helped her to her feet. "You don't need to cry. It's ok. But do me a favor? Please die of cancer as quickly as possible. That would make us all feel better. Okay?"
HAHA
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 17:56:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
someone needs a hug. or some ass ;) that'll cheer you right on up!
of course you entitled to think whatever you like about my postings, whiplash. hopefully future pieces will change your mind, but i won't keepmy fingers crossed.
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-11-14 17:54:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Oh: Hi, I'm whiplash.
I'm bitter, and nobody on Ubersite knows who the hell I am. Sometimes my comments are MEAN and make people SAD.
That's because I'm bitter and I lash out on others because I'm filled with self loathing.
You'll find that I'm much like everyone else on Ubersite.
Welcome! (I realize this is your second post. Deal with the late welcoming)
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-11-14 17:51:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I can't stomach this anymore.
HOW BORING CAN ONE PERSON BE? EVEN THE COMMENTS ON YOUR FUCKING POST AREN'T WORTH READING.
And:
Your story didn't make me laugh and I'm a dickhead so no "0 for trying" bullshit.
Your comments make me think you're a female version of Tucker Max and that is NOT good because I HATE him. The fact that I'm in a horrible mood doesn't get you a good rating either.
You can act or write however/whatever you want- but Just as you have the right to do that, I have the right to dislike it.
So...
-2die.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-11-14 17:37:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-11-14 17:22:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
hey average
Just make it a part of foreplay.
Make up some lie about being into trimming/shaving, ask if you can do each others because it really turns you on.
Then take a dump on her chest.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-11-14 17:13:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
+0 for the post
-1 for not using a "?" in:
"English, motherfucker! Do you speak it!"
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 17:11:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
what is "most heated" and what determines "heat" levels? hits? number of reviews? how is it all correllated?
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:58:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Am I drunk right now?
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:57:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm Charles in charge, bitch. That's right, keep that golden stream running baby. Scott Baio ain't got shit on a good golden stream of piss. I'll call your girlfriend tomorrow Dan when I show up to my paren't house cause your girlfriend is my mom! BURN MOTHERFUCKER!
....
Godammit.
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:54:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
GodLovesALittleLovin, three words: rohypnol.
well, one word. three syllables, though. you get the idea.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:53:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:52:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
I like it when a woman pisses on my face and calls me Charles in an Irsih accent. How do I get my girlfriend to do this to me every half-hour until bedtime?
------------------------------------
Call my Ex, strangely, this is a fetish of her's!
Strange how some things work out.
*contemplates fate*
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:52:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:36:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:27:04 (#)
Ranking: 1
Have a +1 and a smile
You are SO the Uber tart. But at least you have someone new to flirt with sweetie..
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You know it ;)
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:52:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I like it when a woman pisses on my face and calls me Charles in an Irsih accent. How do I get my girlfriend to do this to me every half-hour until bedtime?
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:49:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lei, everything else is shaven, just an out of control whisker biscuit.
I don't get it, if I was a chick, I would shave my privates just to look, unhindered, upon the glory that is a bajiner.
*confusion*
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:48:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
so you admit being a spoiled shit. good job.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:46:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:38:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
I love you Merlina! I'm just being a smart-ass stereotypical 23 year old male with a shorn scrotum and a bald head. Don't mind me and my silly ideas!
~~~
Love you too fella. You enjoy yourself.... *smiles and looks at some bluebells on the table and thinks for a moment*
I liked the idea about the brazilian wax. Get a gift certificate with that and some other beauty treatments so it's not obvious. She'll do it.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:45:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:43:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
Not bad Lei, I will look into that.
Of course, that is going to involve me spending money.
*sigh*
Maybe I can email bomb her with brazillian wax spam?
____________
now that's an idea!!
do you have any idea why she doesn't trim or shave down there?
does she shave legs/ armpits? or is she averse to all hair removal?
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:43:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Not bad Lei, I will look into that.
Of course, that is going to involve me spending money.
*sigh*
Maybe I can email bomb her with brazillian wax spam?
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:42:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
leilani, very true. very very true.
i can't believe i'm talking about this. wow.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:41:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
buy her a gift certificate for teh brazilian wax!!!!
well that's probably bad advice
but once you get one, youu never go back.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:38:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I just hate a hairy snatch.
"grass on the field: Play ball,
NO grass on the field: Play in the dirt"
I prefer the dirt!
*wink, wink*
I love you Merlina! I'm just being a smart-ass stereotypical 23 year old male with a shorn scrotum and a bald head. Don't mind me and my silly ideas!
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:36:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:27:04 (#)
Ranking: 1
Have a +1 and a smile
You are SO the Uber tart. But at least you have someone new to flirt with sweetie..
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:35:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:29:59 (#)
Ranking: 0
Whoa, whoa Merlina, when did talking to a chick and having the sex with her become synonymous?
The whole point of this question is to avoid Talking to her altogether and just have shaven seXXors.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*sigh*
OKAY.
Actually it's nothing to do with age. i was a good girl when I was in my twenties too. i personally wouldn't be having sex with someone unless I knew them really well. Each to their own.
If you can't talk to her and you don't know her that well.... put up with Her Hairyness...
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:32:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well thank you, xcuses. i hope your afternoon is going better than your morning. :)
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:29:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Whoa, whoa Merlina, when did talking to a chick and having the sex with her become synonymous?
The whole point of this question is to avoid Talking to her altogether and just have shaven seXXors.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:27:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Have a +1 and a smile
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:26:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:21:42 (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't want to devote a post to it because it would be stupid, namely because I can't write for shit, but also due to the fact that I only post on Thursdays.
I don't want to be direct and honest with her, because that would mean that I would actually have to overcome an already uncomfortable situation.
Isn't there some hinting that I could do. I can't very well just leave a note with a razor and shaving cream attached, because she might have some questions about that as well.
~~~~
This may sound like the typical answer from one of the older females from Uber but.... if you can't TALK to the girl about sex... you shouldn't be shagging her.
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:26:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
LOL!!! No, you can't just hand her a bic and shaving cream and say "now go to work and don't come back until i can see my face in your pussy."
no. can't do that. what i would suggest is some subtle hinting, as you said. perhaps you watch a naughty video with her (with girls with shaved areas) and ask, "i don't know, what's your take on that?" see how she responds.
most likely, she'll respond with "why are you asking me that?" knowing full well what you're trying to do (we're insightful like that). that is when you shrug your shoulders and say "well, i find it really sexy."
she'll get the hint.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:22:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-11-14 14:21:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
MT1, thats actually pretty sound advice.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks Wood. It's not rocket science, and yet here I am explaining it.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:21:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't want to devote a post to it because it would be stupid, namely because I can't write for shit, but also due to the fact that I only post on Thursdays.
I don't want to be direct and honest with her, because that would mean that I would actually have to overcome an already uncomfortable situation.
Isn't there some hinting that I could do. I can't very well just leave a note with a razor and shaving cream attached, because she might have some questions about that as well.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:17:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
dan, maybe you should devote a post to that. so more people will answer.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:16:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:08:00 (#)
Ranking: -2
So my question to Uber is, what works??
***********
Miners Cap + Vice Grips?
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:15:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
merlina, i am conceited. we've established this already. there's nothing i can do about it. it's justthe way i am.
joedaddy, did you mean "altar?" nice try there, chief.
average_dan, just be honest with her and tell her what you like. women appreciate that.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:11:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 14:52:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
merlina, i realized after i wrote this that i might sound like a conceited person by creating a "princess." but it's a story. i'm not a princess, obviously.
but i do get what i want.
~~~~
ah damn...
First sentence - good... you are ok. you just put yourself badly.
Second sentence... "I get what I want"
wtf?
Time I left this post I think.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:08:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm convinced you want to be at...the $$ alter
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:08:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh yes, definitely an alter,
but since this post will be on heat in another couple of reviews, I need a question answered by the sheer genius that is Uber.
Last night, I was banging this chick, and she's really hot and nasty, and everything a man could want.
Herein the problem lies.
The chick has a veritable merkin of a snatch. I mean this chick had Kramer in the scissor locks, and wasn't letting go.
Now I shave my own balls and such as evidenced by: http://www.ubersite.com/m/76048 and I expect nothing less of my ladies. How can I be expected to properly perform cunnilingus on my mate if I have to burrow, and part to find the clitoris.
So my question to Uber is, how do I bring it up, and what works??
Thank you for answering a dying man's request.
Average_Dan
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:00:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm still convinced you ARE an alter.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:56:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If you sound concieted, you probably are. But it don't matter, so long as you're friendly.
It says a lot for the cynacism of Uber that Im still not entirely convinced you're not an alter.
Submitted by randomhero83 (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:49:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:30:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
wow. i reread some of my comments and leilani, you're right. i do sounds conceited. i guess what i meant to say is that i try my best to get what i want. i work hard for the money. so hard for the money.
________________________________________
Prostitution is not the answer. ;)
Submitted by rayrayshanaynay (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:36:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:49:06 (#)
Ranking: -1
Creative title and filename.
You'll do well here.
------------------
Oh and your dogs name is super creative too.
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:30:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
wow. i reread some of my comments and leilani, you're right. i do sounds conceited. i guess what i meant to say is that i try my best to get what i want. i work hard for the money. so hard for the money.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:17:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 14:52:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
merlina, i realized after i wrote this that i might sound like a conceited person by creating a "princess." but it's a story. i'm not a princess, obviously.
but i do get what i want.
________
and..... you still sound conceited.
but thats ok. i mean you can be whatever you want.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:16:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh snap,. i thought she was describing me.
shit.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:16:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i still smell Dennis Rodman on your face
Submitted by a_palindrome (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:13:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought it was clever and midly entertaining, considering that some people on this site really are jackasses.
-1 for describing yourself as "a fair princess with hair the color of the sun, eyes the color of the sea, and skin the color of ivory."
Submitted by randomhero83 (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:04:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 14:35:29 (#)
Ranking: 0
yes randomhero, you TOTALLY punched me in the stomach. good job on that. that was you. you're also gay in the story.
_______________________________________________
Gay... LIKE A FOX!
God, I'm awesome.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-14 14:55:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Are you now, or have you ever been, a ghey menz?
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 14:52:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
merlina, i realized after i wrote this that i might sound like a conceited person by creating a "princess." but it's a story. i'm not a princess, obviously.
but i do get what i want.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-11-14 14:38:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Berty that was a good summing up.
I did suggest you wrote something and you did.... so well done. However, what you have written has made you to be this 'princess'.. now you sound like a spoilt and conceited brat.
Fair effort at trying though so have a zero 'worth reading'.
Submitted by mles76 (user info) at 2005-11-14 14:35:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor good girl, never take it personally. You have to hit back.
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 14:35:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yes randomhero, you TOTALLY punched me in the stomach. good job on that. that was you. you're also gay in the story.
Submitted by randomhero83 (user info) at 2005-11-14 14:33:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
LINKWHORE!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/79209
Submitted by randomhero83 (user info) at 2005-11-14 14:31:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
GOD, I'm so awesome.
I totally punched the shit out of your stomach... in the story, that is.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-11-14 14:30:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Xcuses - hows it feel to suck dick?
Submitted by randomhero83 (user info) at 2005-11-14 14:28:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HEY, you stole some of my amazingly witty comments and put them in your story.
Nice trick.
Here's a ZERO 'cause I admire the plagiarism.
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 14:27:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
xcuses, i'm sorry you're in a shitty mood. how about i mention you personally in my next posting. you can be my prince charming. would that make you feel any better?
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-14 14:25:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm in a shitty mood. Make me feel better.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-11-14 14:21:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
MT1, thats actually pretty sound advice.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-11-14 14:20:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Needs more severed cat head.
These reviews are going to be funny.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-11-14 14:14:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Here is the deal: Read more. For a month or so don't post, just read and learn.
Submitted by missjessicabryan (user info) at 2005-11-14 14:07:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Not yours......Obviously
Submitted by yeahthatme (user info) at 2005-11-14 14:05:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Now THAT'S some good altering!
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-11-14 14:00:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
So you're not a bad person eh?
Then why would you insult me on a personal level?
you're evlving into a shitty shitty alter.
countdown to no one giving a fuck....shit no one gives a fuck RIGHT NOW.
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:47:17 (#)
Ranking: -2
your unorginality is only surpassed by your ever-evlving beer belly.
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:59:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you, DCWoody, for actually reading it.
Submitted by blujnbbyqn (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:53:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Not a bad person, no. Too stupid/lazy/egocentric to take the time to research the site, do some homework; perhaps understanding and/or anticipating how you may be treated. Grow up - being voted prom queen 3 years ago does not mean a fucking thing here or most anywhere else.
Mommy and Daddy may have doted on you and lavished praise but it's time you deal with a world that DOES NOT revolve around you.
Michelle
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:51:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh second thoughts (and actually reading it) have a 1.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:49:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:41:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
badassmofo, thank you for the advice.
but when you say "you sem cute enough, but that doesn't matter in the least," i beg to differ. if you disagree with me, please refer to http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=10909
------------------------------
OH SNAP!
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:49:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Creative title and filename.
You'll do well here.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:48:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn you seem to be a heat magnet.
Some people were always gonna -2 you 2nd post unless it was insanely good, don't worry about it.
0 from me.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:48:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Calm down Meth, you just gave yourself away.
*wink*
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:45:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
you see dipshit, that's why you won't make it...you still take it personally.
if you wanted to do this right you need to start offending people with earnest.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:44:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
For every spelling and grammar error you have inflicted upon us, we shall allow Berty to rape you once. He may even let you off easily if you bring your Oompa Loompa with you, but probably only if it sings. At that point you will be allowed into the Uber fold, and the +2s will flow like wine. We all had to do it. Seriously.
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:41:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
badassmofo, thank you for the advice.
but when you say "you sem cute enough, but that doesn't matter in the least," i beg to differ. if you disagree with me, please refer to http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=10909
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:39:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Do you swallow the goo?"
hahaha
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:35:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Rape: The victimless crime
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:34:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i haven't been on this webiste long enough to learn the ins and outs. i'm obviously unaware that such metaphors were usd before. i don't apologize for being unoriginal because in my mind, i was being original. i am sorry that you've had to sit through yet another metaphor for your beloved "ubersite." with time, patience, and apprently rape, one day you guys will see that i'm not a bad person here.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:32:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Don't take it all so personally, you seem cute enought but that doesn't matter in the least.
Everyone comes here and gets their shit reemed out, it's the way it works.
Now the ball is in your court, do you turtle up and quietly go away or do you continue to keep trying.
Those that keep trying, the ones that dealt with the bs and dished some back, those are the ones that are worth having around.
Now eat shit and die cocksmoker (see I can say that, without even know if you smoke pole because it's not personal. You'll get it.)
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:31:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:14:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, now I wrote this. I happen to think I did an ok job with it so far. And you people, who probably haven't read it, are judging me based on my first posting. I can't win.
------------------------------------------
The only person on this site that rates before they read something on this site is IDDQD, and you can't really blame him, because he is Faulkner's reincarnate. "So he has that going for him".
The thing is, this little story sucked a copius amount of ass, and you can't blame people for being honest.
Plus you posted a phony picture of yourself so that is automatically pissing me off from the start, but that had no part in my decision to give you a -2.
What did have a part was the shit content of your post, and usually if part 1 sucks ass, part 2 will as well, hence the "don't bother" part of my review.
Just a little friendly advice.
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:31:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I admit, I didn't read it. +2 for godchicken's response. -2 because I'm not original. +2 because you ain't bad looking.
Please love me!
Submitted by blujnbbyqn (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:30:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Die
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:30:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
GodLovesALittleLoving, it's moday, silly! i save my drugs for the weekends. :)
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:29:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've read and written worse. I'm going to take a wait and see approach. I like the effort though.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:28:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This is really cliche. You have no idea how many times someone has posted a fairytale allegory of their arrival here at the site and how they got assraped.
Part 2 better have more rape.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:26:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read all of this again and I realized something beautiful underneath the frog asking for a blowjob. This is a symbolic post about how you were treated for your first attempt to break bread. Basically, this is a long-winded way of complaining about your treatment by the population of ubersite. In my personal opinion, you must be loaded up on drugs and stupidity. I think we're supposed to get married now.
In summation, try something different.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:19:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:14:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
Unblieveable.
I post a picture and you people say "unless you write something, people will not respect you."
Well, now I wrote this. I happen to think I did an ok job with it so far. And you people, who probably haven't read it, are judging me based on my first posting. I can't win.
----------
Well here's the thing.
You're arrogant and conceited. Don't worry, a lot of people are. Indeed, those are winning traits. It does mean that you don't score too highly in the 'plays well with others category'.
I mean you just turn up here and expect to be treated well. You're first post is a picture of yourself saying 'look at me! I'm pretty and appear here with well groomed orange man'.
You're second post is a rather amusing whiney rant about how your first post was recieved, even though said first post got over 6000 hits.
Hence why everyone thinks your are either Method or Shitfuck. Although Method is shitfuck so really the difference is academic.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:16:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
you only get a -1 because you used one of my lines.
Now fuck off and get out of my forrest.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:15:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I laughed. I admit it.
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:14:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Unblieveable.
I post a picture and you people say "unless you write something, people will not respect you."
Well, now I wrote this. I happen to think I did an ok job with it so far. And you people, who probably haven't read it, are judging me based on my first posting. I can't win.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:11:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Very accurate, but rule 37 in your handbook CLEARLY states that no post about uber (literal or figurative) shall be granted a positive rating unless said post was commissioned by the UberLord.
oh, almost forgot,
-2 die.
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:11:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Average_Dan, I will bother.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:10:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What a beautiful and magical metaphorical tale about the general attitude towards your first post.
Nothing like this has ever been done before. Seriously.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:10:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't have time to do this justice, just go back here- http://www.ubersite.com/m/78653 - read what everybody else said, then shoot yourself in the face. Thanks for playing.
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:10:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
They then slapped high-fives, kissed each other passionately while groping each others respective genitalia and both ran off into the forest holding hands.
Okay I that is some funny shit
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:09:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
---Part 2 coming tomorrow---
Don't bother.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:09:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Har Har
Needed more rape but I laughed.
p.s. you're not a princess, you fart and use people just like the rest of us.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-11-14 13:05:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
<hulp>
I almost vommited just then.