Fun with telemarketing (846 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.56 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mark <mark.damon.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-11-14 15:27:16 EST
As you may or may not know, I am a city employee. The powers that be here never thought to have the city phone numbers put on the national "Do Not Call" list. The result is that now and then I have a brief, but very entertaining interaction with a clueless and outsourced telemarketer.
Here is a re-creation of the last encounter to the best of my recollection. Names have been changed to make them funnier.
<<<Telephone Rings>>>>>
ME: "Damon, First Patrol, May I help you?"
At this point I hear the clicking sounds that I've learned indicate a computer dialing service. I wait on the line for what I know is coming next.
ME: "Damon, First Patrol, may I,,"
(The outsourced Indian telemarkerer to be refered to as "JUGDISH" from this point on comes on the line)
JUGDISH: "Why Hello sir, I am calling to see if my company can offer you a MOST competitive interest rate. May I ask what interest rate you are currently paying on your home?"
ME: "Well, Jugdish, lemme tell you, my house in foreclosure right now, and I have delcared bankruptcy. In fact, I'm getting ready to go to prison for tax evasion."
JUGDISH: "Yes sir, but may I please ask what interest rate you are currently paying on your property?"
(Jugdish is a trooper. He is sticking to his assigned script, no matter what gets thrown his way)
ME: "Well, maybe you CAN help me, Jugdish. I really need some bail money. Do you think you could get me $50,000? I really, really need it."
JUGDISH: "Well, I,,,,may I,,,,,What is the interest you are currently paying?"
(A tough nut this Jugdish. I know at this point he is frantically flipping through his script looking to see what the hell "foreclosure" means).
ME: "Honestly, Jugdish, I really could use some money. $50,000 in cash would be great. Could you just give it to me in a big bag? I mean my kids are all crying and upset I'm going to jail. You could be a real help."
JUGDISH: "I,,,,we,,,,I will get my supervisor on the line to see if we can help you."
(Sweet!!!!, Ol' Jugdish has opted for the time honored tradition when encountering a problem that befuddles his curry addled brain. He's passing the buck. In about 20 seconds his "supervisor" --to be refered to as Ramalamadingdong--is on the line.)
RAMALAMADINGDONG: "Yes sir, when did your house go into foreclosure?"
ME: "Just this past week. I tell ya, Ramalama, I can call you Ramalama can't I? I mean I am so touched you all want to help me out in my time of need and all. So when can you get me the cash? I'm good for it I promise. I can pay you back $20 a week from my prison commisary."
RAMALAMADINGDONG: "Sir, I,,,we,,,we offer the most comp.."
ME: "Ramalama, I REALLY, REALLY need that cash. When can I expect it? I'll meet you and you can just give it to me. I promise I won't tell if it breaks company policy or anything."
RAMALAMADINGDONG: "Sir, I think I will have to call you back at a later time to see if we can help you."
ME: "That would be great! Tell you what, give me your number so I can contact you. I am really gonna need some people to lean on once I go to the "big house" and all. I really appreciate all that you and Jugdish are doing for me. You are really great!"
<<<CLICK-CLICK-----DIAL TONE>>>>>>>
I can't wait to hear back from them.
(The picture is what I got when I typed "Indian Telemarketer" into Google)
User Reviews
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-04-20 19:02:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:35:31 (#)
Ranking: -1
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Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:30:56 (#)
Ranking: -1
If you're going to do something that has already been done 1.9 million times before, at least make it funny.
Submitted by crsunlimited (user info) at 2006-04-20 18:49:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I work for a city too that has the same problem. I once had a telemarketer trying to give me free magazines even though she knew I was working. So just for fun I played along and told her up front that I would be donating them to the local library. She gets to the end and has the library's mail address, then says. Ok, and that will be $4.78 for shipping. So I told her to cancel the order.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-03-07 11:32:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-19 17:21:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://users.wolfcrews.com/toys/vikings/
thanks
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-11-18 14:27:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Old idea, but nicely done.
Submitted by moh (user info) at 2005-11-15 17:19:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ive goten ppl like that....
we have this newpaper here called the ottawa citizen and they keep calling to give me a subscription. so i like to answer with an old immigrant voice saying "no no sir, i am already a citizen of Canada"
i guess its funnier if you were me.
Submitted by LilBastard (user info) at 2005-11-14 21:13:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn... now I can't WAIT to be bugged by a telemarketer.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-11-14 20:00:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 Ramalamadingdong
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-11-14 18:19:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
These have been done to death and have to be coffee spitting or underpants messingly hilarious to get any kind of of good rating.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-11-14 17:23:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh, i still say service division unless you're working off some time from your
phone-book sized PC folder
;)
Submitted by missjessicabryan (user info) at 2005-11-14 16:11:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank you so much. This is halirious.
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:53:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:37:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
I've read similiar stories before, but I really enjoyed the names Jugdish and Ramalamadingdong.
------------------
Animal House
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:37:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've read similiar stories before, but I really enjoyed the names Jugdish and Ramalamadingdong.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:36:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
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Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:33:24 (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry, but that's just the way it played out. If it wasn't funny enough, too bad.
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Here's an idea. If the story isn't worth telling, don't tell it.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:36:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
We keep getting an asian guy who kept introducing himself as Simon until one day my dad said:
"Look pal, there is no WAY your name is Simon with an accent like that, whats your real name?"
"(Unpronouncable monkey-talk)"
"Well unpronounvable monkey-talk, just fuck of OK?"
and we never heard from Simon again. I have a tear in my eye just thinking about him.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:35:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
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Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:30:56 (#)
Ranking: -1
If you're going to do something that has already been done 1.9 million times before, at least make it funny.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:33:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry, but that's just the way it played out. If it wasn't funny enough, too bad.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:30:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
If you're going to do something that has already been done 1.9 million times before, at least make it funny.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-11-14 15:30:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh.
My favorite line to telemarketers, if it's a female is:
"So uh, what are you wearing?" Once they get all offended, start laughing like Butthead.