The Final Countdown: A Clinical Study (864 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.75 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by morontian (View user info) at 2005-11-16 06:38:12 EST
There is something that has been bothering me for a couple of decades now, and that is the lyrical content of the Europe's "The Final Countdown." This single reached #8 in America and shot all the way up to #1 in the UK.along with roughly 25 other countries worldwide. This success admittedly warrants a certain degree of acknowledgement, however I cannot help but to be hesitant in lauding a piece of work with such obviously immoral overtones. That's right. Europe's "The Final Countdown" is an overtly perverted anthem whose metephorical content is only slightly better disguised than that of the album cover for Aerosmith's "Honkin' On Bobo." It is my contention that the song in question is the group's collective revelation regarding their pursuit of a sex change. Those dirty fuckers. The hair and the makeup and the anorexia and the cheek bones were all solid clues, but I believe that the ultimate statement was made via music.
___________________________
The Final Countdown Lyrics
Europe
We're leaving together
But still it's farewell
And maybe we'll come back
To earth, who can tell
I guess there is no one to blame
We're leaving ground (leaving ground)
Will things ever be the same again
It's the final countdown...
The final countdown
Ooh oh
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The first verse is apparently written from the first person point of view of the testicles and penis. They accept that they are in fact leaving the the body to which they have been grounded since their development. Unfortunately, they seem to be caught up in an optimistic delusion: namely, if this drastic change does not work out for the host they had called home for so long, perhaps there will be a chance that one day they shall return home. I hate to tell them, but as far as I am aware this is a medical improbability. I, for one, have never heard of any such reattachment procedure currently in practice. Maybe I'm wrong.
They also show an immence amount of compassion in allowing that there is no one to blame. I guess that is true to an extent. No one can really help the way that they are born, and I do believe that sexual preference is one of those things that is just part of your makeup. However, I would place a bit of blame on someone for physically removing me from my apartment when I had done nothing wrong. I can only assume how much more upset I would be if I were a testicle.
It's the final countdown....ie. the anesthetic has been administered and it's just a matter of time until it's lights out for beantown.
We're heading for Venus (Venus)
And still we stand tall
Cause maybe they've seen us
And welcome us all (yeah)
With so many light years to go
And things to be found (to be found)
I'm sure that we'll all miss her so
It's the final countdown...
The final countdown
The final countdown (the final countdown)
Ooh ooh oh
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The narrative shifts at this point to the members of the band. The operation has not yet begun, so they are still on their way to becoming women. They are probably assuming that since they will be asleep they will naturally have the morning wood standing tall. I doubt very much that that would be true. The poor phallus is more likely cowering in fear and actually trying to shrink back inside the body to escape the carnage that is coming his way. I would be. If you consider it in that context, the surgery may not even be necessary after all, rather, the constant threat of dismemberment would train the thing to behave. That may be overly hopeful, but hope doesn't seem to be in short supply in that they fancy that they will be welcomed by all merely because we've seen their press photos and know that they are frustrated in their own skin.
Light years to go and things to be found. We don't really need to dwell on that, do we?
I'm sure that we'll all miss her so. This is obviously a viciously sarcastic statement directed at the female gender in general. "Oh, I'm so sure we're all gonna miss putting up with shit just to get some action. Oooo. Here, give me that eye liner, whore. I'm better looking than you anyway. Ahh."
And then we have the solo from the one guy in the band who wants to remain manly, as he left the band before the tour even started. Good on him, I say.
In short, this is just another in a long line of seemingly harmless little pop songs that are in truth infected with a vile strain of depravity. This type of filth has plagued the minds of children and mulletheaded farmboys for far too long. Granted, this genre of music is not in the forefront of the teenybopper musical climate of the new millennium, but the disease still spreads and takes on many new faces with each generation. But I just can't be buggered to go into all that right now.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go listen to my Whitesnake album while doing my stretch aerobics in my legwarmers. It's a bit drafty in here.
User Reviews
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2006-09-22 11:12:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AW4416 (user info) at 2006-09-21 15:45:16 (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry dude but this is the most ridiculous thing i've ever read....especially coming from someone that owns cd's by Him, M.Manson and the like.....now on the other hand if you actually were a christian on here trying to save us from ourselves then that would be totally different......but i would still think it's the most ridiculous thing i'd ever read
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You son of a bitch. Fuck you, Cleek.
Submitted by AW4416 (user info) at 2006-09-21 15:45:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry dude but this is the most ridiculous thing i've ever read....especially coming from someone that owns cd's by Him, M.Manson and the like.....now on the other hand if you actually were a christian on here trying to save us from ourselves then that would be totally different......but i would still think it's the most ridiculous thing i'd ever read.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-11-16 16:17:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i dunno how i missed this earlier.
+2 man.
Submitted by yeahthatme (user info) at 2005-11-16 12:26:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOVE that song. It's my cell ringtone.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-11-16 12:01:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
They just want to 'boldly go where no man has gone before'. That's all.
You made Bored @ ETS: http://www.electrictoothsyndrome.com/media/hahahahahahaha.htm
Don't you feel LUCKY!
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:02:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reminds me of "the darkness" that band's heading down this road too.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-11-16 10:58:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pop pop pop
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-11-16 10:31:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One of my favorites on Monsters of Rock
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-11-16 10:05:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good work that man.
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2005-11-16 10:05:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
a little bit of stretch there don't you think?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-11-16 09:30:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tee hee!
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-11-16 09:25:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-16 06:48:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
*dances like a twat*
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I just about fell over laughing to myself when trying to picture what a "dancing twat" would look like.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-11-16 09:02:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Apparently they didnt speak English, so they wouldnt have even known what they were singing...
something I remember from when I was 8, so its probably wrong
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-11-16 08:45:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes. Love it.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-11-16 08:23:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
CAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAARIE
CAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAARIE
DUN DUN DUN
THINGS THEY CHAAAANGE MY FRIEEEEEEEEND
WHOA-OH-OH
CAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAARIE
CAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAARIE
DUN DUN DUN
MAYBE WE'LL MEET AGAIN
SOMEWHERE
MY FRIEND
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-16 06:48:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN! DOO DE DEE DOO- DOO DOO DOO DO DOOOO - DO DE DEE DOO DOO - DOO DOO DOO DO DOOOOO - DOOO DE DEE DOO DOOOOOOOO!
IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!
OH YEAHHHH!
*dances like a twat*
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-16 06:41:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Have you been to Klute too?