Stop being so GODDAMN NICE !!1!!!1!one! (679 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.88 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rand0m Herö (View user info) at 2005-11-16 11:10:04 EST
I'm probably a bastard, but...
Last night, me and my girlfriend went out to the store to pick up a new album for some pictures we took of our vacation. We go to Target, because the Wal-Mart down the street is chock full of dirty Mexicans that love to carry switchblades and sombreros (like all dirty Mexicans do). Anyway, we go to the photo album aisle and try to pick one that doesn't totally suck goat cock.
So this guy comes up next to me. I didn't even notice him at first, until he started talking to himself. He's mumbling something that sounds like, "Blah blah blah, I'm ghey, blah blah." So I slowly start to creep away to my right. Weird, but expected from random strangers in a department store. What happens next? The fucking dude starts talking to me, of course--
For transcript purposes, this man's name will be "Homicidal Maniac".
HOMICIDAL MANIAC- "MAN! I just can't find one that I like!" (In an eerily happy tone.)
ME- "Yeah, they all suck." (He turns to me with a big creepy smile on his face...)
HOMICIDAL MANIAC- "OH WOW! Why are you guys getting an album?!" (Again, an eerily happy tone.)
Man, this freak is so nice it's disgusting...
ME- "We just got back from vacation."
HOMICIDAL MANIAC- "MAN! THAT'S AWESOME! What's your name?!"
Holy shit?! What the fuck is wrong with this guy? And why does he care so much?
ME- "I'm Random Hero (motherfucker)"
Ok, I didn't actually say 'motherfucker' but I THOUGHT it.
HOMICIDAL MANIAC- "Wow, when did you move here? What do you do? I really like it here. It's nice, but I haven't met anyone to be friends with yet! We should hang out! I'll give you my card and I'll write down your number!"
AND I CAN SEE WHY YOU HAVE NO FREINDS YOU FUCKING PSYCHO.
ME- "Yeah, uhhhm, I don't have a phone."
HOMICIDAL MANIAC- "Oh, really? WOW! How do you work that one!?! HAHA"
God, kill me now...
ME- "I, uhhhhm, just don't believe in cell phones. I think they, uhhhm... cause Cancer."
WHeewww! Nice answer- THANKS UBER!
HOMICIDAL MANIAC- "Oh, ok, well let's get together, and you can come over and meet my wife! We'll make you dinner! She cooks "
ME- "Ok, I gotta go."
...
I turn to walk away with my girlfriend and she says, "Well, he was really nice."
I say, "Yeah, what an asshole." I hate people who are too nice.
User Reviews
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-11-17 06:11:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The bloke sounds like he was on X.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-16 17:54:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
his 'wife' is of the inflatable type, stored in the closet
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-11-16 14:59:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, he sounded a bit to pushy/creepy. On the other hand, I've made friends with worse starting scenarios.
Submitted by johnhutch (user info) at 2005-11-16 13:32:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
hehehhehe
Submitted by randomhero83 (user info) at 2005-11-16 13:20:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-16 12:55:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
if that's really the way it happened then i agree with you: he sounded a bit creepy. i wouldn't brand him to be an "asshole," but he was acting a bit overly friendly. you have to be wary of people like that.
the likelihood that he said those exact thngs is low, though.
_________________________________________
No, he WAS creepy because he SAID those things. Although it's not word-for-word, that's what he said and how he acted. That's what fucked me up so bad.
Submitted by GoodGirl (user info) at 2005-11-16 12:55:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
if that's really the way it happened then i agree with you: he sounded a bit creepy. i wouldn't brand him to be an "asshole," but he was acting a bit overly friendly. you have to be wary of people like that.
the likelihood that he said those exact thngs is low, though.
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:54:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Somebody needs teh sex
~~~~~~~
V
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:49:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I really dislike reading stuff like this. For all you know, the guy was the nicest person in the world, and you treated him like a peice of shit.
Maybe it's just me because of the lifestyle I have, but when I travel, alot of the time I go alone, so to keep my sanity I'll strike up a conversation with pretty much anyone. You'd be surprised how many cool people you can meet this way.
Try being a bit more open minded. Not everyone is mentally unstable or out to screw you over.
Or you could just continue to go through your whole life with your comfortable little circle of friends, drinking piss on weekends, talking DIY and die of a heart attack in a nursing home as some granny wipes your arse for you.
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:49:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
For the kick-ass cat.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:37:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You'd hate me, I'm too nice
Submitted by Cryslynn1 (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:36:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, the guy sounded creepy. The +2 is for the kitty.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:29:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
That is one angry pussy.
He must have read your post.
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:29:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have had this happen when I traveled almost a thousand miles from home to vacation in the smokies. Ran into a couple, that upon chatting briefly with, discovered we were actually from the same town in Florida. Immediately they thought it would be fun to get together when we all got back because our kids hit it off together. Incidentally, they followed us all day talking about the most mundane stuff, like they had never talked to other adults before. The husband reminded me of Randy Quaid's character Cousin Eddie in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:22:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the sociopathic cat.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:21:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Needs more bum fights.
Submitted by randomhero83 (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:18:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I guess the question I failed to ask was, "What the fuck is wrong with people who create what they think is a friendship based on goddamn photo albums?"
I think his wife is a transvestite...
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:15:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
a blog, just add fiction
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:13:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If that was me, my body guards would have beaten the guy to a pulp before he ever got near to me... hell they'd have probably closed the entire store and kicked everyone out to let me, Michael Jackson, shop in peace
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:12:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I read this and then just made a 'bored with life sound.'
I get that you don't like the crazies. But this neither amused or informed me.