Rock Bottom - an Emo Post (853 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.11 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Spam (View user info) at 2005-11-16 11:19:47 EST
The weariness of life has got me and it's got me good, seeping through my pores to infect the air around me.
Only a couple more steps to go.
And then I'm there, falling against the rough bark of the giant oak that has long been a friend to me.
It's surprising, I think as I sink into the grass and lean my back against that tree, that more people don't come here.
But then if they did, I guess I'd have to find somewhere else to go to do this.
My tree sits on the crest of a hill that forms one side of the valley and from this vantage point, I can see the entire pisshole town that always seems to be source of my woe. Seems I've picked a good time. Failing light from the sun setting behind is drowning everything in a warm red glow and my eyes squint slightly at the onslaught of a thousand reflected suns from the windows below. The late afternoon sky looks good also, a single childishly fluffy cloud the only blemish on a canvas of deep azure - and even that sits there like the mole on the cheek of a beautiful face, the idiosyncrasy that you grow to love because of it's imperfection. It's the sort of view that would reduce even the most poetic and eloquent of speakers down to the monosyllabic as they try struggle in vain to find adequate prose to sum it up.
I've never taken any pleasure from it.
But then, I'm not here for the view.
I'm here to talk to Him.
He hates me you see, wants to destroy me, to crush me from within.
But I won't let Him. I able to ignore His constant narrations and monologues, the needles and sniping. I can shrug off His scathing pessimism and unending put-downs.
Mostly.
Sometimes though, every year or so, He'll get the better of me and I start to hear a cadence of truth in His endless vitriol.
At times like that, I come here to let Him have his way.
'Jesus Christ, would you stop being such a fucking pussy and drink the rest of that already?'
I know He's talking about the bottle in my hand and for the first time in months, I listen to Him, swigging the burning bitterness until I feel my stomach recoil. Pointless really, this is my second bottle, drinking anymore is like giving a millionaire a dollar. Still though, the fire in my chest reminds me that I am at least, capable of feeling something. Even if that's just pain.
'You went and fucked it all up didn't you?'
If He had a face, there's no way He could keep the smug grin off it right now.
"Shut up." I say, I don't know why I bother really.
'But you did though didn't you? You fucked it, lost it all - The house, the job, your friends...'
He leaves a pause, for dramatic effect I assume, but it's redundant, both of us know what the next word is in the sequence.
'...The Girl.'
On queue, I am bombarded with that face again, the laughter I used to be able to drench it in, the funny smile she gave when she didn't quite get what I was saying but found it amusing nonetheless, the tightness in her jaw that was always a prelude to a fight ...those eyes...
'And now you've got nothing'
He's right.
'I mean seriously mate - What's the fucking point in you doing ANYTHING anymore? Look at how it always ends.'
He's right.
'Why don't you just do everybody a favour huh?'
He's right, I HAVE fucked it all up, everything, right the way down the very place that I live. And now I'm practically homeless, jobless, penniless, friendless and joyless. Things I used to enjoy an abundance of. Things I've wasted or destroyed myself. I don't even have the energy to sheild my self with denial and blame somebody else for it all anymore. He's got me. Finally broken me down. I've got no retort.
My head drops and I stare unseeing through moist eyes at every individual blade of grass emerging from the cracked earth I sit on.
Maybe I SHOULD just do everybody a favour?
'Well?' He demands.
I take another swig from my last comrade.
And then something hits me. Memories of my last day.
There can't have been too many people that went out like that, not too many people at all.
And so I smile, my head still bowed.
And the smile spawns laughter.
And I sit there drunkenly chuckling away to myself as I survey the wreckage of my so-called life, a psychological Nero who's instrument is humour.
'What have you got to be so happy about?'
He sounds annoyed.
"Nothing," I say, wiping my eyes, "Absolutely nothing at all."
'So tell me: Why the fuck are you laughing?'
"Because it's the only way I'll ever beat you"
User Reviews
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-08-17 13:50:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Spam. I hope this works--goddamn thing took me an hour to write.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-11-20 12:42:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
shite, utter shite
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-11-20 12:39:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
misses being puke worthy by a whisker.
I read a quote from DA and he said that perhaps there is now too much humour in the world.
At the time I thought 'pompous prick' it's okay for yu oxbridge graduates to be 'oasises of humour int he desert' but as soon as the common man gets that way it is too much?
but now i'm not so sure.
it's the only time I have disagreed with DA (peace be upon him).
the end.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-11-17 19:21:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
mostly well written
i've been thinking about the role of humour in my life too lately
it's a saviour and a support solace etc, but occassinaly i wonder if it also somehow prevents me from feeling, or limits my feelings in some way
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-11-17 13:42:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-11-16 20:11:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this has a really nice "feel" to it.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-11-16 13:22:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
cheers.
It's / Its - is not something I normally do to my knowledge so for that I apologise
Cue / Queue - has been pissing me off for ages, I honestly couldn't think of the proper spelling so thank you for that.
Submitted by punkerrjess (user info) at 2005-11-16 13:10:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
queue = line
cue = signal
it's = it is
its = a modifier to use before a noun
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-11-16 12:55:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sounds good to me Berty-san, although I have an annoying habit of agreeing to these things and then bailing at the last minute.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-16 12:35:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:55:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
Sounds oddly familar somehow wolf.
---------
I'll come with you if you want to visit Pock, I've heard he's a midget and I think that a midget with a mohawk would be one of the funniest things ever.
Submitted by Rondo_Mondo (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:56:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is one of the most well written posts ever. Good job.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:55:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sounds oddly familar somehow wolf.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:53:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't worry ETS - I'm fucking WAAAY outta there mate, I figure everybody hits rock bottom at some point and it's different for each person each time.
This was my version and is, thankfully, far from being a current affair.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:52:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Chin up mate. Well written as always, you should find some money for a train down here at some point, I'll get you pissed and stoned and cheer you up with my witty repartee of getting guitarists names half-confused with stand-up comics.
Then I'll pass out. Whad'ya say?
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:50:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wherever you go...there you are.
Life is beautiful, dude. You just have to look at it with the right kind of eyes.
Listening to 'Him' gets you nowhere, and there are other ways to beat Him besides sardonic, spiteful laughter. I know that laugh. It's a laugh of pure madness, but it's also the laugh of preventative maintenance. Without it as a pressure valve, you'd explode.
You know what I've learned over the years... I've learned that sometimes just smiling is better than laughing.
I've learned that holding anything, even the things we love, with the grip of death will only kill them in the end.
I've learned that life is about accepting that we have nothing and being ok with that - seeing the utter beauty in that.
Sometimes the ultimate act of loving is letting go, and no matter how much 'He' might speak the contrary, letting go does not deflate you. It fills you.
Good luck. I hope you find your way out of the woods.
Submitted by Cryslynn1 (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:40:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Looking forward to the ending...
Submitted by TheSunGod (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:39:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
eh, good enough for a two.
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:38:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Works for me.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:34:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it wasnt bad
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:30:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, fuck it, I thought it was well written. Plus, I took the time to read the Emo disclaimer in the freaking title.
Shrug it off, the drink is your friend, unless you let it become your enemy.
Not really sure what that meant, but it sounded right to me.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:30:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I was a pimp I could solve all of your problems.
We need to campaign to make prostitution legal.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:28:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This is pretty cool - I've never had a negative rating before, mainly because I save EMO posts for alters, I just couldn't be arsed this time though.
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:25:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this is like the actor who does two blockbuster movies in a row, to then fag off and do some artsy noir sundance festival film. I'll be waiting for the next in the series, you can probably churn this shit out for a few more days too.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:23:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:21:37 (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm sorry, but I really hated this. A little bit of sick came up.
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Submitted by randomhero83 (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:21:21 (#)
Ranking: -2
You weren't kidding about the EMO part.
--
Yeah I know - It great innit?!
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:22:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Chin up and poor down the brandy, mate
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:21:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm sorry, but I really hated this. A little bit of sick came up.
Submitted by randomhero83 (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:21:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You weren't kidding about the EMO part.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-11-16 11:21:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't worry I havn't lost the plot yet.
The art of getting sacked will be resumed tomorrow hopefully