Interesting Childhood Memories 3: Seeing Your Uncle Streak Is Not As Fun As It Sounds (830 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.66 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sparxicus (View user info) at 2005-11-16 15:54:39 EST
My Uncle Pete, you might recall from an earlier post, was one crazy dude. He gave enough memories to write a novel about, some of them good, some of them bad, some just downright insane. If good was on one side of the scale at 0, and insane was at the other side at 100, this story is about a 89. Mostly insane, with a hint of pure evil. So lean back and enjoy this tale of utter humiliation. And laugh to your weasely heart's content. You bastard.
When I was in tenth grade, I walked onto my secondary school's football team (high school soccer for those of you in third world countries). Our team was fairly solid, and we made it into the local championship match. With eagerness far exceeding my common sense, I asked my Uncle to come and cheer us on to victory. He said that he certainly would be there.
Forward to about a half hour before the championship match. Our team was warming up, and I see my uncle approach me with a baby so wrapped up in blankets that it was impossible to see what he looked light.
"Uncle Pete, whose baby is that?"
He flashed a grin and revealed a tiny part of the "baby".
I caught the words Miller and Lite.
"You snuck BEER into a school football match? What is wrong with you?"
He covered the beer baby back up, and allowed himself one of those "Damn, I'm clever" chuckles (Think Elmer Fudd). He started back into the stands before I could stop him.
I joined the team and resumed the warm up session, fighting the urge not to locate my uncle in the crowd. The game went without incident. We scored one goal in the first quarter, they evened it out in the second. With the game at such a crucial junction, both teams played like madmen, neither scoring again. At the half, tensions were at an all time high. Coaches lectured the players, devised new plans, gave motivational speeches. The bands played loudly adding to an already tensed atmosphere.
In one of those awkward moments of silence, right in the silent part of the band's song, right in the pause in the coaches' speeches, I heard the loudest "WOOOOOOOOOOO" ever. I turned to the sound and immediately regreted my decision.
There was my uncle, running from the stands onto the fields.
In the nude.
Imagine the scene, if you will. In front of a stadium full of parents and kids from ages 5-17, all frozen in shock, my socially-inept Uncle had decided that it would be just a hoot to go streaking.
He managed to get two valiant cartwheels in before the school security took him off grounds where he was released with a warning.
I'll give him one thing though, he broke the tension. We went on to lose the match in a tight game, but I was more worried about convincing my teammates that that was indeed not my Uncle.
When I got home that day, he gave me one of those looks, not unsimilar to a dog looking for approval after he shat on the brand new white sofa.
"I've always wanted to do that, but I was afraid I would get arrested if I did it at a real match. But seriously, that was cool, eh?"
I never invited him to another one of my games again.
I've decided to keep my trademark porn pass, but I think I'll do it at the end so as not to disrupt the flow. So here you go. http://frankens:kangaroo.at.www.amateurallure.com/members/home.html
And here's a picture of a weasel, just for the heck of it.
User Reviews
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-02-06 20:16:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Where the hell did this guy go?
Submitted by youarewrong (user info) at 2005-11-17 11:25:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Weasel = instant +1
However:
Weasels (3 or more) = instant +2 (for future reference)
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-11-17 10:53:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
HA HA WEASEL?
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-11-17 09:50:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
heheh. Nice. I like your uncle. Sounds like something my dad might have done in his younger days.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-11-16 20:06:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i would have died.
also, fucking rockin weasel.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-11-16 19:50:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think I'd want to see ANYONE in my family streak. Except maybe my sister. She's hot.
What?!
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-11-16 18:46:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ferretnose (user info) at 2005-11-16 16:45:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for the funny story, +1 for the weasel.
Submitted by Ferretnose (user info) at 2005-11-16 16:45:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for the funny story, +1 for the weasel.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-11-16 16:23:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad.