Adventures in AA (The Rebound) (873 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.25 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sphagnum (View user info) at 2005-11-16 16:03:19 EST
The First Session :- http://www.ubersite.com/m/79282
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Last night was time for appointment number 2 at my court enforced AA rehab. After smoothly cruising through the first session without incident, my mood was a lot more relaxed this time and I was nowhere near as apprehensive. Having taken the long train ride in, I arrived unfashionably early again and took up my regular seat for round two, and pulled out "Harry Potter and the Pedophile's dream".
I flicked through a couple of pages and patiently waited for Mahatma to turn up with his circus freaks in tow so I could get my hour of entertainment before I headed off to work.
Whilst reading page 3 of the obituaries section of the 'Hustler' magazine that I head cleverly disguised in the center of my crap book, I suddenly got the uneasy feeling that somebody was watching me. I scanned the room quickly to allay my concerns and after making sure there was nobody there, I returned my focus to the stunning Miss Fabruary.
"Ahem...."
'What the fuck' I thought, as I looked up, startled.
"Hi, my name's Pat" came the response, from the freakishly large monghead that now stood in front of me.
"Hi Fat, what can I do for you?"
"Did you just call me 'fat'?"
"Yes, that's how you introduced yourself, wasn't it?"
"No, I said my name was PAT!"
"Sorry Tim, I must have been concentrating on something more important." I provoked, glancing quickly back at Miss Rocktober.
"You're a real asshole, aren't you Sphagnum?"
"I'm sorry, do I know you?"
"I'm just trying to make you feel welcome."
"Without much success, I feel more uncomfortable and nauseous than I do welcome."
"Fine!" Said whoever he was, as he stormed out of the room to be consoled by some other horizontally challenged beefeater.
Finally, I could get back to my light reading. After drooling off the rest of the calendar, I skimmed through to try and find one of those juicy stories that some 60-year-old hooker gets paid shitloads of money to make up.
Fat chance I was getting anywhere with that, no sooner had I found one of the tedious fucking things then the door sprang open and in marched the lemmings.
"Today we will be discussing the affects of alcohol on your major organs" Blurted captain boofhead.
A collective groan rang out as all the dumbfucks realized that the session would be made up entirely of content that was well beyond their comprehension.
"I've got a better idea, how about we talk about the affects of alcohol on your bank balance?" I interjected, realizing that there wouldn't be any information provided that I wasn't already well aware of.
"What do you mean Sphagnum?" Enquired Gupta, suspiciously.
"Well, it seems to me that you make a living off the alcohol related misfortunes of others. Would that be an accurate assessment?"
I noticed the drones around me beginning to fidget. This was obviously not something they had ever given any thought to. Come to think of it, you could probably fit all the things they ever put serious thought into onto the back of a postage stamp.
"I make a living by helping others overcome their problems and find a better way to deal with them besides turning to substance abuse."
"How much do you make?"
"That's none of your business!"
"I thought the idea of this clinic was to be open and honest, and to be as forthcoming as possible when questions were being asked? That's what you spoke to me about after the first session. How are we supposed to be comfortable with sharing our lives with the group if you are not?"
"But Mr. Sphagnum, this is not about me, it is about all of you."
"If you are not going to be honest with me, don't expect me to be honest with you."
"Please be quiet! We only have a limited amount of time and I can't be wasting it arguing with you."
What a copout. All I had to do was confront him with questions he didn't want to answer and he pulled rank.
Safe in the knowledge that I would have a reprieve from answering any of his prying questions until he answered mine, I returned to my magazine and drifted off into the world of 'Tiffany'.
Stay tuned.......
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-09-14 14:12:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-12 12:58:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
reader's digest or that little tv guide would fit inside of a book. so do mini glossies. and the person in charge is a dick. complain to someone higher and see if you can get him fired for fun.
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2006-01-12 11:00:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
1st part was slightly better, but still fun.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-11-17 21:47:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-11-17 06:04:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO FIT A MAGAZINE INSIDE A BOOK.
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I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT, THANKYOU VERY MUCH!!!!
WHY ARE WE YELLING????
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-11-17 06:04:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO FIT A MAGAZINE INSIDE A BOOK.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-11-17 04:22:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I went into tesco's the other day and there was a girl on the check out who had a badge on her chest that said "Pat". I was genuinly tempted.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-11-16 22:21:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-16 16:57:43 (#)
Ranking: -1
This must be the long, slow build up to the chapter where something interesting actually happens.
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Yeah, complexity is not your strong suit, I realise that. Hey, what can I do, I can't make it too simple or average people will think I'm insulting their intelligence.
Give Mrs Shlongy my love and let her know that I'll shoot a hardcopy all over her whore infested face later on.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-11-16 21:49:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
har har ya drunk
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-11-16 20:55:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://poststuff.entensity.net/111605/media.php?media=assrocket.wmv
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-11-16 20:23:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
a little dry, but eh.
Submitted by Required_Reading (user info) at 2005-11-16 17:36:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
pretty ho hum to tell the truth.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-16 16:57:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
This must be the long, slow build up to the chapter where something interesting actually happens.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-11-16 16:54:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
....staying tuned.
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-11-16 16:48:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In the immortal words of Bill W.
"Keep coming back. It works if you work it."
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Fuck the fuck off
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-16 16:47:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm guessing the interesting part comes later...
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-11-16 16:42:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
In the immortal words of Bill W.
"Keep coming back. It works if you work it."
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-11-16 16:40:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
These are fucking great.
Gupta- HHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-16 16:14:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pat, Fat....what's the difference really?