How to get a hand job from a former celebrity (2085 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ozzy (View user info) at 2005-11-17 09:26:19 EST
Jonas woke from his slumber, stretching his arms and grunting loudly in an attempt to wake the figure in the bed next to his. Mike carried on snoring quietly though, obviously still not recovered from the effects of the twenty three hour flight.
Jonas rubbed his eyes and rolled out of bed, immediately dressing himself in jeans, boots and a sweater. He peeled back the heavy curtains of their hotel room, allowing the dull winter sunlight of mid morning to flood in through the window.
"Wake up, you lazy bastard." said Jonas in a thick Australian accent, smiling to himself at the thought of a day sightseeing around the city. No work, no deadlines, no stress.
"I'm awake, you poof." Mike croaked, keeping his eyes closed. "What time is it?"
"Nine thirty. We'd best get going soon; the sun goes down at 3.30 in the arvo."
"You're kidding?"
"What do you expect, we're in Russia in the middle of winter. C'mon, get dressed, we've got a lot to see."
The two young men entered the streets moments later, rugged up in heavy jackets, scarves and gloves. They ambled along the icy sidewalks, slipping occasionally on the uneven surface and laughing at each other while following their map into the city centre.
"Now this is a bit different to home." thought Jonas as he looked around wide eyed, taking in the statues, unusual architecture of cathedrals, and smoke stacks left over from the former glory days of the Soviet industrial machine.
Jonas had taken Russian history in high school, and being the adventurous type, he had set his sights on seeing the former communist state. He'd become quite the jet setter, taking time out from his career to visit Indonesia, Fiji, and New Zealand in the previous 12 months.
The men continued on in silence, stopping in at a café for breakfast and a coffee, before heading out to brave the cold again. They came across an ornate bridge, with giant stone lion heads on the face of each pillar. As they crossed the bridge, Jonas pointed off into the distance. "Check it out, there are people ice fishing down there!" he said excitedly, finding the simple pastime a novelty having grown up in such a warm climate. "We should go down there."
They followed the opposite bank of the river, walking past a gym full of scantily clad Russian women on treadmills, before coming to the sheet of ice on the river which the fisherman occupied. "Do you think it's safe?" Mike asked, a hint of trepidation in his voice. Obviously walking on a sparsely frozen river was outside his comfort zone.
"Well if the locals are out there fishing, it must be OK." Jonas replied, before tentatively placing one foot onto the ice sheet. His foot sank several inches into snow, before his boot hit the ice sheet itself. Jonas chuckled at Mike's nervousness, his breath condensing into plumes of steam in the cold air as men set off toward the fisherman. They walked slowly at first, but their confidence grew as they recognised that the ice was solid as cement under their feet.
"Now this is cool." said Jonas as they stopped alongside the fisherman. The two Russians looked up and smiled at them, no doubt picking them for the tourists they so obviously were. Jonas gestured to the men asking if it was OK to take a photo, and they nodded in agreement.
After taking some photos of the fisherman, and then the city skyline with the partially frozen river in the foreground, the men set off for dry land once more.
Suddenly, Jonas heard a subtle splitting sound, like a wooden shelf cracking under a heavy load. He looked down to find the ice under his feet cracking slowly, and felt a surge of panic as he realised they were leaving the ice sheet a different path to the one they had walked on. Jonas looked up to see Mike more than 30 yards closer to the river bank. "Umm, Mike."
Mike turned to see Jonas walking slowly, as if on eggshells, and immediately knew what was happening. "You have to spread your weight Jonas!" he shouted. "Lay down flat on your stomach. I'll get help"
Jonas squatted down to his haunches initially, before placing his gloved hands on the ice in preparation for lying on his stomach.
The ice cracked and gave way with a loud snapping sound, and Jonas found himself submerged in freezing cold water. Panicking, Jonas thrashed about in the water, trying desperately to pull himself back onto the ice sheet, but he succeeded only in making the hole in the ice bigger and bigger.
The icy water pierced Jonas' clothing, making his skin feel like it was on fire. He could sense his body starting to go numb with the cold, his heavy clothing now weighing him down and almost sinking him beneath the surface of the water. The cold made it difficult for him to breathe; he felt as though he was at the mercy of a giant constricting snake.
"Grab on Jonas!" Mike yelled, as he threw a length of rope toward his friend. He'd hunted around for several minutes on the decks of nearby moored boats as soon as Jonas had gone under. Jonas grabbed the rope, and Mike hauled his friend to the safety of the river bank. "Someone help us!" Mike yelled, "My friend fell in the water!"
Jonas lay still on the sidewalk, descending into a hazy dream like state, before succumbing to blackness.
--------------------------------------------------
Jonas woke up, surrounded by monitors and beeping machines. He was in a hospital bed, in a room full of sick looking people. "Oh good, you're awake." a familiar voice said. "I'll go fetch the nurse."
Mike stood from the plastic bedside seat, and ambled down the sterile hospital corridor, returning a short time later in the company of a beautiful young blonde nurse. Jonas felt his jaw drop, in awe of the beauty of the young nurse, who looked somehow familiar.
"Hi there Jonas, how are you feeling?" she said, in a beautiful Russian accent.
"I feel pretty good." Jonas stammered.
"Well, you were lucky. You're friend saved your life. If you had been in that water much longer you would have frozen to death. The doctors tell me you suffered a case of hyperthermia and some mild frostbite to your hands and feet. But otherwise you're fine."
A wry smile came across Jonas' face. "So um, when can I get out of here nurse, erm...." Jonas looked down at her name tag. "Nurse Kournikova."
"We have one final test to run, then you are free to go." she replied. "Mike would you excuse us for a while." Mike nodded and walked off down the corridor again, before the nurse drew the curtains closed around the bed.
"Excuse me nurse, this may sound a little weird, but have we met before?" Jonas asked, trying to place her familiar face.
"I don't think so, but I get that a lot." She said. "I used to play tennis professionally."
"Holy pig shit, you're Anna Kournikova! What are you doing working as a nurse!"
"Well, I sucked at tennis, so I kind of fell into the first profession I could think of. I figure being a nurse meant I wouldn't have to change from my little white dresses."
"Aren't you worried photographers will still take photos as you bend over to draw blood?"
"Photographers never took photos of me bending over!" Anna replied in a shocked tone.
"Yeah, and Russians never drink vodka either. So anyway, when can I get out of here? I hate hospitals."
"Soon enough, I just want to make sure your appendages are completely clear of frost bite."
Anna checked Jonas' hands and feet, making sure they were back to normal, before dropping a bombshell. "Ok Jonas, just one more appendage to check now. Please take off your robe."
Well, at least Anna has a use for those strong tennis wrists now; giving hand jobs to hyperthermic backpackers.
User Reviews
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-11-18 10:58:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not an Anna fan but nevertheless an entertaining story.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-11-17 17:18:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A good story and a picture of Anna.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-17 16:31:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Da NA na na NA na, Da NA na na NA na, Da NA na na NA na, Da NA na na NA naaaaaaaa......
My name is JONAS!!!!!
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2005-11-17 15:09:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As I was reading, I seriously wondered when this spectacular peice of writing was going to degenerate into some kind of immature pornographic whack off story. Damn did it set the mood for this boner though!
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-11-17 11:49:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For that picture.
SO hot.
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2005-11-17 11:17:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i like her
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-11-17 11:15:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 For Jonas. I love that name.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-17 11:07:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WTFUDGESICLE?
Anna is the one true love in my life...
Right next to hand jobs.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-11-17 10:33:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-11-17 10:29:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-11-17 10:13:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
I love how it started out as a story of genuine cultural interest and then finished as softcore pornography.
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Above sentiment echoed here.
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There's nothing worse than porn with a plot. Who actually watches the filler? People just fast forward through until they reach the real action.
Admit it. All of you did that with my post!
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-11-17 10:29:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-11-17 10:13:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
I love how it started out as a story of genuine cultural interest and then finished as softcore pornography.
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Above sentiment echoed here.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-11-17 10:25:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ha ha, I guess it is kind of like softcore porn.
OK, I admit, I got wood while I was writing it.
Finding a pic of Anna all dressed in white was quite a pleasure too!
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-11-17 10:13:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love how it started out as a story of genuine cultural interest and then finished as softcore pornography.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-11-17 10:10:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very interesting little story there. i quite enjoyed it.
I love how it started out as a story of genuine cultural interest and then finished as softcore pornography.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-17 09:53:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now I want a hand job. I'm gonna have to hang my arm out the window for ages and not get any work done.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-11-17 09:37:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
title made me want to rub one out