ADD doesn't help in crucial decisions, trust me. (1066 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.74 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (View user info) at 2005-11-17 13:30:53 EST
There comes a time in everyone's life that you have to decide. This decision is crucial, a path of life choice that is placed in front of you, like the proverbial fork in the road. Normally it is marriage, becoming a parent, or in my case, a career change. If the most difficult decision you have made so far in life is whether to buy silver Altima or the blue Maxima, then your moment of reflection is coming.
I have worked, happily for the same engineering firm for 7 years, since I graduated college, but recently other firms have given me reason to contemplate a career change. I have mulled it over, weighed the pros and cons and was unable to outweigh one offer over the subsequent counter offer. My girlfriend, in all of her wisdom, thought I should use a technique she learned in college, flowing. According to her, flowing is typing or writing with total disregard for punctuation, grammar or spelling, to just get your thoughts down on something to read later. I tried it and here is what I came up with and why I am having such a difficult time deciding:
A 20% increase in salary is good but I have to give up my plush office and high back leather chair. I won't be able to come in around 8:30 and leave for breakfast, but how can I turn down 20% more? And a company car? A car that isn't mine. Then I could ram the left lane lollygaggers in the ass on the highway, and blow the horn at the woman in the drive through order lunch for 9 of her coworkers. Sometimes I think the penalty for murder shouldn't be so high. They seem so rigid when it comes to that for some reason. Law makers should eat at Subway one day and wait for her to read off 9 different sandwiches, and then pay for them separately. Then they would see it my way, I think.
Focus Toby, gas is high and I wouldn't have to fork over 50 bucks 3 times a week. That is getting expensive. I could spent that 150 a week on a lot of things..... Damn, 600 a month? That is a bunch of money. I could spend that in a strip club. Not Philly's though, Shanna still works there and she would think I was coming to see her. She is a crazy bitch. She tried to stab me, and all I said was that her family was fucked up. I could go to the new Doll House they built on 7th street; I hear they have some good looking gals.
Focus Toby, you are committed and remember the rules, strip clubs are out unless she goes with you. That was a fun evening. Except for when the bouncer came over and put his hands on her for wanting to get up and dance.
Damn it Toby, focus. OK....401K with both. Major medical and dental with both, I like my Blue Cross and Blue Shield better than their plan. I wonder if I would have to change doctors, probably not. What about Dentists? I don't want to be given a list that I have to choose from, I like my dentist's office. They have the fun lobby with the over sized tooth in the floor and the funny pictures on the ceiling in the examination rooms. When a man has his hands in your mouth, it is always comforting to see some inspirational message on the tile ceiling beneath a cute picture of cats or rainbows. And his assistant smells good. She has big soft boobs and presses them against my arm when she is working. I liked it too much one time, that wasn't embarrassing, not at all. But the time I had "the boys" examined as part of a physical, he remained asleep, it makes no sense because every other type of X-ray is a snap-shot, but this one was with some kind of pen camera. If a beautiful woman runs a pen all over your sack, looking for a growth while fondling your "boys", you would think he would pop up to see what's going on, but he didn't. Thankfully. Must have something to do with the Hospital setting, which is why I think the fantasy of waking up from a coma with a nurse riding me will never come true. My buddy just doesn't work in the hospital.
Focus Toby, please. Career.....The current firm will give me a raise to stay, not 20% but an increase. And they have countered with the opportunity to go back to school for my Masters, on their coin. But I hated school, with a passion. I would have quit in the first grade had it not been for sports, and friends, and my parents unflinching commitment. They got pissed when I decided school was not for me.
"Wake up, time for school."
"I'm not going"
"Why"
"Because I quit yesterday, but I told the teacher so you wouldn't have to"
I mean, I went to college for almost 6 years for a 4 year degree. Trying to get my Masters is a two year program so based on my knowledge of myself; it will take at least 4 years of going at night. I don't have 4 years of free nights. I can't even get free nights on my cell phone. Nextel sucks. The coverage is shit and the two way radio doesn't work properly outside of yelling distance. At least I don't have to pay for it anymore. I wonder if they are going to provide me with a cell phone?
"They fuck you with the cell phones..."
That was a good movie, I wonder if I still have the DVD. I'm going to go watch it.
After I check my email. I wonder if I will have email at the other firm? Or at least computer access. Surely they will have a computer for me? I downloaded a Nintendo emulator and punch out on my computer at work. I just can't seem to remember all the patterns. Oh, speaking of which, I have a game of Madden 2006 paused in the living room. Oh shit, I need to finish it.....
20% more and a company car? Not all it is cracked up to be, sometimes.....
User Reviews
Submitted by Ananda (user info) at 2005-11-18 20:51:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
just do eenie meenie minie mo
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-11-18 16:41:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
didnt technically need any rape, but by the same token, rape wouldn't have hurted it either.
so, i grant you a charitable +1.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-11-18 15:48:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
UBERBOARD sent me.
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-11-18 13:57:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-11-18 12:49:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
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Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-18 11:50:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-11-18 12:49:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-18 11:50:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-11-18 11:03:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good work, cool post.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-11-18 10:29:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Although this was nonsensical gibberish, it was mildy funny nonsensical gibberish.
+1- made me smile.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-11-17 21:27:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't sleep well because a constant dialogue like this is always going on in my head. I can't turn it off. It isn't ADD but it's like my brain is a radio that is constantly playing a call-in talk show.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-11-17 19:21:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed this post and I like you, so +2.
OMG I THINK I JUST VIOLATED SOME GAY UBER RULE!
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2005-11-17 18:02:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Attention Deficit Disorder: Nothing a swift kick in the ass can't cure.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-17 16:09:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The crucial question you have to ask yourself is:
Which job will allow me to fuck around more on Ubersite?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-11-17 15:39:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Toby...Toby...Toby, Toby Wong, Toby Wong...Toby Wong, Toby Chung, fuckin' Charlie Chan.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-11-17 14:27:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
UGH...Isn't all just so stressful?
Good read Tobes.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-11-17 14:23:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i enjoyed that. let me know what you choose, i am also in the process of finding a new job
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-11-17 13:58:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This whole thing has a rather familiar ring to it somehow.
about the new job
Would it be pretentious to ask if they
drug test
block offensive web content
expect work to be delivered on time
It could be good to know those things.
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2005-11-17 13:53:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant!
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-17 13:41:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You sound a lot like me, only difference being I don't use numbers ever. I have a system for that...
1-10 are different vocal pitches, so like if i'm talking and I throw out like an "eeeeee", then that means 46. I need some water. I HAVE TO GO TO A DIFFERENT ROOM FOR THAT!?!?! I heard exercise is good for your body. I need to get a dog and/or girlfriend within the next month. I feel sick as fuck right now.
Submitted by johnhutch (user info) at 2005-11-17 13:40:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment