AIDS, Stoners and Puhkin Pie (1080 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.77 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ENV3NOM (View user info) at 2005-11-19 10:44:44 EST
So, it's Friday night and I just got home from work and my neighbor and I are smoking a bowl. As we blaze, he begins jamming one of his Ween albums. I've never been a huge fan but it's definitely great stoner music. Somewhere towards the end of one of the tracks there's silence and then someone just randomly blurts out "aids!."
This of course prompts me to ask my neighbor if he's ever seen Team America.
"It's a stupid movie" I tell him, "but there's definitely some laughs." I then proceeded to tell him about the scene where the puppets are conducting a broadway musical, with the chorus of one of the songs being "Everybody's got aids, aids, aids, aids, aids aids aids aids aids!" I can only presume that this is supposed to be poking fun at the broadway musical Rent, and I explained "and now they've got Rent the fucking movie!"
It was at this point my friend snapped out of his stoner induced slumber, and I was sucked into my very own real life Abbot and Costello routine.
"Rent the fucking movie?" he inquired.
"Yeah, Rent...the fucking movie."
"Which movie?"
"Rent."
"Rent what?"
"The movie."
"What about the movie?"
:"Nothing, I was just talking about Rent...the movie."
"Yeah, but which movie?"
"Rent."
"I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!"
It went on like this for quite awhile, you get the picture. Just imagine all the problems this will cause when Rent finally hits DVD.
Shortly thereafter I decided I had to leave and grab something to eat before my head exploded, and I ventured off to McDonalds.
As I pulled through the drive through I ordered something with some substance and my obligatory 2 apple pies off the dollar menu, because no meal is complete without not one, but two steamy mouth watering fructose filled treats.
After placing my order noticed that on the menu it said "2 pies," not "2 apple pies." Still high as the Goodyear blimp I thought to myself "hmmmmm, the use of 'pie' in the non-specific form implies that there is more than one kind of pie available!"
The munchies soon began to take over and my mind ran wild speculating all of the wondrous assortments and flavors of pie that might be available. It was then that I suddenly began craving pumpkin pie with a fury.
I pulled up to the window, and a pretty young hispanic girl who could barely speak English poked her head out.
"Do you have pumpkin pie?" I immediately inquired.
Looking puzzled, she responded "puhkin pie?"
"Yes, puhkin pie!" I responded, my eyes widening.
"No," she replied in her adorable little accent, as my heart sank like a rock.
"But I want puhkin pie!"
"No puhkin, apple."
"PUHKIN!"
"Apple."
'Cherry?"
"Apple."
"But the sign says pies...that implies more than one. If you only have one why doesn't it just say apple? I've had pumpkin here before!" (Or not...like I can remember anything, let alone distinguish between reality and the fantasy world I inhabit.)
I soon realized that my pursuit a wholly encrusted pumpkin pie was futile and decided not to take it out on this poor unsuspecting young female, after all, this is bat country. She'll see those bats soon enough.
User Reviews
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-01-06 20:10:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2006-01-04 14:22:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
YO WHAT's THE DILLY?
----------------------------
No one has emailed or called or imed, so I just assumed the whole thing was off.
You might want to contact sodeburns, sorry Envenom. :(
Submitted by Kale (user info) at 2005-11-30 20:03:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Fear and Loathing
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-11-30 19:58:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
zoinks scoob!
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-11-30 19:44:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-21 12:13:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Huh?
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-11-21 12:08:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-11-21 09:22:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the first bit, +0 for the second bit - do I rank this as +1 or +2????
----------------------------
I agree, therefore I shall balance it out.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-11-21 10:21:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
pie
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-11-21 09:39:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, those silly stoners.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-11-21 09:22:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the first bit, +0 for the second bit - do I rank this as +1 or +2????
I'll play it safe I suppose *sigh*
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-11-21 09:22:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
They used to have different kinds of pies...
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-11-21 09:06:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes apollo, and I do have Revolutionary Vol 1. (Obviously, since that's where his vegan rant appears) You can send your addy to crackkillz.at.mad.scientist.com, and I'll mail you a copy when I get a chance.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-11-20 20:09:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-11-16 14:02:32 (#)
Ranking: 1
Hip Hop artist Immortal Technique has far and away the best and most hilarious rant on this particular subject.
"""
holy shit you like immortal technique, i will suck your cock for a link to revolutionary volume one, can swap for a cd of freestyles and a freestyle on the westwood show in the UK.
(although a lot of his 'freestyle' was ripped from rev. vol 2 which was disappointing)
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-11-20 19:33:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2PIE!!!
come on man. team america is hysterical!
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-11-20 13:40:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I do not condone the usage of Marijuana. Whiplash is a drug free environment.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2005-11-20 11:38:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I soon realized that my pursuit a wholly encrusted pumpkin pie was futile and decided not to take it out on this poor unsuspecting young female, after all, this is bat country. She'll see those bats soon enough.
Auto Thompson +2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-11-19 12:34:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Welcome to McDonald's, may I help you?"
"Yeah, gimme three furburgers, a bearded clam, and two twat tacos."
<silence>
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-11-19 12:27:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-11-19 11:11:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-11-19 11:08:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have asked if she had hair pie.
______________________
Apparently they were all out but she did have some camel toe.
_______________________________________________________________________
Mmmm. . Camel toe, hold the red sauce. . .
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-11-19 12:12:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'f you've yet to read this post, you're probaby thinking to yourself "what could AIDS, Stoners and pumpkin pie possibly have in common?" The answer? Nothing, although if this were medieval times we'd likely stone all the people with aids, then serve them pumpkin pie as their last meal. Of course they'd probably be dead by then, so there'd be more pumpkin pie for us.
MMmmmmm puhkin pie.
Submitted by pushedbyboredom (user info) at 2005-11-19 12:11:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hunter, hispanic camel toes, ween, and weed.
+2
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2005-11-19 11:52:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Uh, I wanna Rent Rent."
"Rent Rent what Ma'am?"
I personally dug the Team America theme song... "Fuck Yeah!"
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-11-19 11:26:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
(Or not...like I can remember anything, let alone distinguish between reality and the fantasy world I inhabit.)
I get that feeling a lot lately... +2 WOO!
Submitted by PigOnLifeSupport (user info) at 2005-11-19 11:17:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-11-19 11:11:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-11-19 11:08:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have asked if she had hair pie.
______________________
Apparently they were all out but she did have some camel toe.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-11-19 11:09:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah, Mitch, is that where he's hanging out these days? He is sorely missed. We should go find him and make Weekend at Bernie's 3.
Submitted by PigOnLifeSupport (user info) at 2005-11-19 11:08:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hunter S. Thompson reference
Cute hispanic girls
Ween
I love you...
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-11-19 11:08:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have asked if she had hair pie.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-19 11:07:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
At least they had some sort of pie. The McDonald's in my neighborhood only sells spaghetti and blankets, and they are only available to Mitch Hedburg's rotting corpse. Fucking weirdos.
Submitted by Spacey (user info) at 2005-11-19 11:03:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay for stoners!
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-11-19 10:58:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment