My sexual history (207 hits)
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Submitted by Cheryl Duffybuffyboo <sionscumslut.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-11-20 02:07:58 EST
how to start?
i have had a sexual awareness as far back as i can remember, and that's really fucking far back. just to give you an example, i have at least one memory from when i was around two-three years old, believe it or not, but it's true. ok, i don't remember having a sexual awareness at that age, but i do during all of my meoeries after that.
i'm a little drunk by the way. i'm trying to avoid typos, but i'm sure they will sneak in.
i don't know where my sexual awareness snuck in, but it did. sometime after turning three, but before turning five, i had a little girlfriend of the same age. we played and explored eachother like some kids do. i clearly remember there being more to the games than just curiousity. i felt a kind of intimacy and the beginnings of a sexual stirring. i don't know wheer it came from, exactly, but i have an idea. more about that later.
i turned five and my family moved. i met a couple more little girls and, somewhere between the ages of five and seven, i had sex with one of them (vaginal and oral) and expiremented with a couple more of them. i also expiremented with a boy my age who was the brother of the girl i had sex with (he watched a couple of times, but i don't recall them interacting sexually), and.... i had sex with my older sister, but only once. when i was a little bit older i expirimented and had oral sex with an older male cousin and an older female cousin. they were both adopted so i don't know whether or not to consider that incest. everything but the encounters with my sister and cousins was initiated by me.
even though my sister and cousins were older, and were the initiators, i never felt bad, gulity, or in the least bit traumatized. i never considered myself a victim of molestation. i, for the most part, enjoyed everything, or was at least curious enough to engage without too much coercion. besides, i was an unusually sexual and horny kid. i wanted things to happen, and my innocence (or ignorance) made it easy for me to see nothing wrong with what was going on. the only time i remember feeling uncomfortable at all was the time with my sister, but only a little.
when i was ten years old it came out that my father had been molesting my then sixteen year old sister since she was very young. this explains why she did what she did with me. and, since adulthood, i've wondered if it played any part, whether i could remember it or not, in my unnaturally early sexual development.
i once talked to my mother about it and she told me an interesting story. she said that my fahter had been having an affair when i was very young, and that she accepted it (my parents were hippies and my mother was trying to be an accepting, modern woman). she said that apparently my father would occasionally take me with him to visit his other woman. one time, after the affair was supposedly over, my mother, my father, myself, and some of my parents friends went to visit the woman my father had had an affair with. my mother says that when we got there, i climbed up on the couch and immediatly, and excitedly, took all my clothes off.
my mother thought this was strange behavior, but didn't think anything of it until years later when she found out about my father and my sister. so now she wonders, as do i, whether or not i was involved in something with my father and his mistress, whther it was just watching or participating. i can't remember, but it would explain my sexual awareness at such a young age.
i also have two very dim memories of my mother that i don't know what to do with. they could be innocent, but i don't really know. the first took place sometime before, or right after i turned five. i was in the bathtub with my mom and she was bathing me. she was either pregnant with my little brother, or had just recently given birth to him. either way, she was lactating. we played a game where she would squeeze her breast and nipple so that it would squirt her milk at me, and i would try to catch it in my mouth. we both thought it was fun and i rememeber us both laughing. that memory is one i would like some feedback on from anybody who might read this. does that sound like innocent fun between a mother and child, or something more? the second memory was sometime after i turned five and had started having sex with a giel my age. i was curious about tits, little girls didn't have them, but my mom did. i walked up to my mother as she was reclined on a sofa and reached for her breasts. i eaither touched them, or acted as though i was going to pull her shirt away and look under it. my memory is hazy, but i seem to remember my mother telling me it was ok to explore her breasts, but i got too nervous to go through with it. i was nervous because it wasn't just biological curiousity, it was a sexual impulse. it felt naughty and i was horny.
anyway, i've kind of lost track of where i was going with all this. but i know that now, as an adult, i don't get shocked by much, and what most people consider kinky or gross, i consider hot or at least interesting. i have not had sex with an animal (got a dog to lick my penis once in junior high) but the idea of a girl fucking an animal is a turn on. incest stories and illustrations really turn me on, but i don't feel sexually attracted to any of my own family members. i have fantasized about some of them before, but mostly because it felt taboo and heightened my masturbatory sensations. the biggest trn on for me as far as this stuff goes is mother son incest or older woman/young boy sex. i have been fantasizing about that since the first time i masturbated.
Look, I used paragraphs this time.
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