Why we should NOT free Newfoundland. (1694 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.87 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by banana phone <onewheeledfury.at.yahoo.ca> (View user info) at 2005-11-21 13:37:38 EST
For those of you who didn't know it, Newfoundland is a province of Canada, the ugly-assed little triangle floating off the east coast. We also have Labrador, but like the dead bodies under the stairs, we don't like to talk about it much.
So. Newfoundland. Home of Newfies, fish, outrageously bad accents, unemployement, and moose. Our main exports include enough oil to keep us going, but not enough for the US to invade us, unemployed homeless fishermen, and fish. Well, not even the fish anymore, since almost all of them are gone.
Now for the real topic. Every country has patriotic citizens. Some more than others. Some, in the case of Quebec in the 60's, have some separatist movements. But never did I dream that Newfoundland, Canada's case of genital warts that keeps leeching money, would want to separate.
Almost everwhere you go, you see people wearing Free Nfld! shirts, hats, bumper stickers, etc, or Newfoundland Liberation Army shirts, with a photo of an army of awe-inspiring greatness: about 20 some odd guys holding up fiddles, accordions, fishing rods, and the occasional hunting rifle.
Yes, I realise this is all in good fun, but remember just a year ago, when good ol' Danny Williams ordered the Canadian flag taken down because the federal governement wouldn't give them all the profits from the oil company. NO! No Danny, they hate us enough as it is, without you being a whiny douche bag.
Trust me, the last thing Newfounland needs is to be on its own. Canada might not even notice our disappearance, but we would be fucked like it's nobody's buisness getting fucked that badly.
"WOOHOOH! We gone done it by's!"
"Round up the by's, we's gettin' shitfaced like tubgirl tonight!" *
*May or may not be actual Newfie dialogue.
And so, the first few wild nights of partying would begin, and continue, and continue until every last inhabitant of this fair new country would slump, passed out, over his cousin, hoping he'd forget what had just happened.
Then, the government would step in, and new rules and regulations would be set down.
Pre-teens everywhere would rejoice as the legal drinking age, the legal driving age, skidooing, and ATVing ages would be reduced to 8.
Driving while inebriated would promptly be encouraged, with fines of up to $500 for driving while sober.
And everywhere, the pround and magnificent flag of the Democratic Republic of Newfoundland would be flown, its green, white and pink swaying in the breeze.
Yes, that's right.
FUCKING PINK ON THE FUCKING FLAG!!!
WHAT THE FUCKTARD???
Then the entire world would set up a collective cheer as Newfoundland drank, smoked, and fucked itself in a downward spiral into oblivion.
So, I say,
NO YOU POLE-SMOKING TWATSMEARS! Patriotism is good, but only when your country is something to be proud of. I grew up in here, and if I can find some way off this godforsaken rock, I'm out!
Be happy that you are part of a great country.
Now go shoot some moose.
User Reviews
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-11-21 22:02:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Kindred (user info) at 2005-11-21 20:37:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah Man. NFLD is all right with me, but I gotta agree with Caul on this one. Trade Ontario to the USA and we'll take Washington State. Then we can almagamate it with British Columbia and have a super province. MUhahahahahahahaha. 1 to rule you all.
But seriously, BC could easily fend for itself if they were to seperate. Hell, we didn't even really want to join the country in the first place because we had more to offer ourselves than the rest of the provinces combined. I love the West Coast.
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The only province that could easily fend for itself is Alberta.
For the rest, it's still sketchy.
Submitted by Kindred (user info) at 2005-11-21 20:37:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah Man. NFLD is all right with me, but I gotta agree with Caul on this one. Trade Ontario to the USA and we'll take Washington State. Then we can almagamate it with British Columbia and have a super province. MUhahahahahahahaha. 1 to rule you all.
But seriously, BC could easily fend for itself if they were to seperate. Hell, we didn't even really want to join the country in the first place because we had more to offer ourselves than the rest of the provinces combined. I love the West Coast.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-11-21 20:16:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Seperation worked out great for all those ex-soviet states, I hear tommorow the power plant will be on for 30 seconds in a row and a man who has seen real food is coming to visit
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-11-21 17:43:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit. Yeah, I agree with you on those points, especially the consumerism that's engulfing southern Ontario; fucking pisses me off.
I actually really want to move out west to get away from some of the stuff here.
That website is ridiculous though. People are proud to be Canadian here, it's one of the few things they hold to seperate themselves from the Americans.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-11-21 17:34:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-11-21 17:11:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
What in particular though? (I'm from Ontario)
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The fact that Ontario is ridiculously favored by the federal government. Something echoed by all provinces (except Ontario of course).
I've been there quite a few times too (Lemmington and Windsor). All the people ever talk about is their belongings and money, even my own relatives do that. In many cases, you can tell they don't more than us, they just have a shitty set of values. Can you tell me why most Westerners I met hated Ontarians as much as we do?
This party http://ontariousa.org/ says a lot about your province.
Submitted by ryan5012 (user info) at 2005-11-21 17:13:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Pre-teens everywhere would rejoice as the legal drinking age, the legal driving age, skidooing, and ATVing ages would be reduced to 8.
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Haha, the best part about it here is the 9 year olds smoking outside of the schools/mall.
Oh wait...that would be the worst thing.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-11-21 17:11:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What in particular though? (I'm from Ontario)
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-11-21 16:12:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-11-21 16:05:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
So how much do you hate Ontario then Caul?
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I hate it a lot. Even if I have family there.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-11-21 16:05:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So how much do you hate Ontario then Caul?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-11-21 16:00:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-11-21 15:51:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
quebec cares about labrador their still bitching about the borders of it...
yeah boisclair has tons of support but I don't think he's hard line enough to git-er done...
but hey if he does good for him, quebec deserves it...
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Just today he warned the member of his party he would rule the PQ with an iron hand. Meaning, no more bickering bewteen members in front of the media.
I think he's starting pretty hard for a young coke-snorting homosexual. :-P
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-11-21 15:51:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
quebec cares about labrador their still bitching about the borders of it...
yeah boisclair has tons of support but I don't think he's hard line enough to git-er done...
but hey if he does good for him, quebec deserves it...
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-11-21 15:45:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Anglo-Canadians are the only members of the CommonWealth that Britain had to kick out, not the other way around.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-21 15:41:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just give Newfoundland back to Britain - they used to own it until 1949.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-11-21 15:27:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-11-21 15:25:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
What about labrador?
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Who cares about Labrador. Even it's fucking huge, there isn't anything there.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-11-21 15:26:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-11-21 15:24:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah well, when newfoundland voted to get into canada then entered with a 51% majority vote and I'm sure canda couldn't get that kind of number in support right now.
c-court, I can see quebec separating but not under (sniff) Boisclair...
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Boisclair has a shitload of support. Maybe we don't have the same news. :-P
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-11-21 15:25:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What about labrador?
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-11-21 15:24:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah well, when newfoundland voted to get into canada then entered with a 51% majority vote and I'm sure canda couldn't get that kind of number in support right now.
c-court, I can see quebec separating but not under (sniff) Boisclair...
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-11-21 15:21:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kay off the Screech and get a real job.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-11-21 15:03:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
but like the dead bodies under the stairs, we don't like to talk about it much.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-21 15:01:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pre-teens everywhere would rejoice as the legal drinking age, the legal driving age, skidooing, and ATVing ages would be reduced to 8.
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Bwwaaahahahhahahahahahaha
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-11-21 14:57:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-11-21 14:13:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
Why the hell would one province want to separate from the nation? The cost alone would be prohibitive.
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Do you know anything about taht? No, thought so.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-11-21 14:43:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoa, you have Internet access in Newfoudland now? Cool!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-11-21 14:36:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Who am I to break the streak?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-11-21 14:33:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
everyone knows the plural of moose is meece.
Submitted by BananaPhone (user info) at 2005-11-21 14:24:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No, BOB, that was intentional......
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-11-21 14:21:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you forgot great big sea.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-11-21 14:20:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
But never did I dream that Newfoundland, Canada's case of genital warts that keeps leeching money, would want to separate.
That line alone was pure gold.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-11-21 14:13:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why the hell would one province want to separate from the nation? The cost alone would be prohibitive.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-11-21 13:55:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh no wait that would be pink white and brown... nevermind
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-11-21 13:55:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that flag looks like neapolitan icecream.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-11-21 13:52:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There's a pretty good chance QC will seperate...all signs point toward it. Maybe when we do, the country will fall apart and NFLD will be on its own.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-11-21 13:44:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And don't say NewFoundLand leeches on Canada. Well maybe. But in no way as much as Ontario does.
They just don't say it. Canada is an illusion.
Submitted by herbman (user info) at 2005-11-21 13:42:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because the title alone made me laugh my ass off. And Newfoundland would not be able to stand alone, you're right, but if that's what the people want, they should have it. Vive le FLQ!!!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-11-21 13:40:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Every province wants to leave the country. Except Ontario of course.