How I have tried to kill Phate. Pt. 3 (563 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.35 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Oleannder (View user info) at 2005-11-21 17:22:04 EST
So in my past two post I have brought up one of the times that I have tried to kill my brother, Phate http://www.ubersite.com/m/79510 & one of the times that he has done the same for me http://www.ubersite.com/m/79548
There have been many many many more instances that I could regale you with but I think I will make this the final one.
Picture it, Southern British Columbia, summer 1994. It was a bright Saturday morning in early July; the weather was beautiful & sunny yet not so hot that would cause much discomfort. I was 18 years old, had just graduated from high school & was looking forward to a summer of goofing off with my friends in between shifts at my crappy mall job. I had that day off, a rarity for me to not be working on the weekend, so I planned on taking full advantage of whatever the day had to offer me. My parents were out on some errand to Costco so that meant that could be gone anywhere from ½ hour to 3 hours, depending on just how many rolls of bulk toilet paper it would take to make them happy (if there ever is an apocalypse those two will be sure to never run out of shit-tickets).
I had been on the phone with one of my friends, quite possibly one of my future roommates as mentioned in an earlier post http://www.ubersite.com/m/35914 , when fate would have it Phate became bored enough to start bothering me again. It usually started out with him listening to whatever I was saying to my friends on the phone & trying to interject his opinion as loudly as humanly possible. When I would become frustrated & eventually hang up the phone he would begin the "I'm not touching you!" game, which usually consisted of lurking over me in a semi-menacing way & backing me into a corner until I would lash out physically. Once I finally smacked him one then all bets were off & he would smack me back, usually a bit harder then I hit him & then look at me as if to say "That's what you get bitch, next time it will be harder".
To put it in perspective for you, even though I was older at 18 & he was 17, I got the short end of the genetic stick in our family. I have been 5 ft 4 inches since I turned 12 years old. That was gigantic back when I was 12 but everyone else just kept growing while I stayed the same. Phate on the other hand was pretty short until he turned 12 & then he just kept growing until he hit 6 ft 4 inches. So he loomed a foot taller over me. If I tried to make a break for it he would just jump back into my way & tell me to go around him, over & over & over. I was very lucky in the fact that he was extremely clumsy & had a tendency to trip over the least little thing. I was usually able to break away from him, run to my bedroom & barricade myself in (I bought a lock later that summer) which was helpful only until he discovered that he could crawl out onto the outside ledge & get in through my window. I guess I should thank him for this as I have now become very paranoid about break & enters & have come up with various methods to keep my current home safe.
That Saturday I did not find a way to get away from him so the pushing, shoving, slapping & hitting just escalated until I went completely ballistic. As I have mentioned in past posts, I have no control at all over what I do when I am enraged & this time I was so enveloped with anger that all I wanted to do was leave him in a bloody puddle. It was so simple; if he were dead then I could be calm & happy. He must have seen something in my face because he took off running, just like he did when we were younger. He tried everything that he did when we were younger, running outside to lock me out - I found an unlocked door & let myself back in, running & dropping to the ground so I would trip over him - that only made me even angrier. I don't know what I said or if I even said anything to him during the chase, I do know that I did shout a lot & most of it consisted of unintelligible roars of frustration over my inability to destroy my prey.
Then he ran into the kitchen. I followed him.
He stood over by the kitchen sink with a smirk & the air of smugness. That's when it was sealed in my soul that he had to die. I walked over to the cutlery tray, picked out a nice sharp steak knife & hurled it at him. Then everything went in slow motion, the knife flipped over & over as it traversed the distance from where I was to where the demon spawn stood grinning. Slowly his grin slipped from his face as it dawned on him what I had done & what was coming for him. My heart skipped a beat as I watched the knife; my aim was true & good. It would hit him! It would hit him! Victory was MINE!!
Then it did hit him. Square in the middle of his chest. How? The end that hit him was the dull handle end of the knife rather then the sharp pointy end. We both watched it clunk to the floor & then looked up at each other. Oh Shit. The realization of what I had just done washed over me. It wasn't that I was upset with what I had tried to do, I was upset over the fact that not only had I failed but now I had a 6 ft 4 monster pissed off at me for trying to kill him & I had inadvertently armed him. This wasn't going to go well for me at all. I bolted just as the knife had been hurled back at me, missing my left hip by inches (he always did throw like someone's' Grandmother). I ran & let adrenaline take over my body & scrambled to make my way into the safe haven of my bedroom. I just barely managed to close the door shut behind my when the full weight of his body slammed into the door. I sat at the bottom of the door & braced my legs against the closet door wall to keep the raging behemoth out.
He continued to pound on the door, yelling & screaming the whole time. Suddenly the world became silent. Had he gone away? Crap! What about the window? What if he was still at the door? Luckily my parents had replaced the old shag carpet from our rooms & the hallway with hardwood floors. The bathroom was directly across from my room & the door was open. I could see his shadow peeking out from under my door that meant he was still there, waiting for me to move so that he could come crashing in & destroy me. I grinned to myself despite the situation. "Fuck you pal!" I thought to myself & held my position. He waited a few more moments & then began the assault on my door again. Then I heard it. My parents van was being backed into the carport. Yay!
Phate must have heard it too because he suddenly backed off. I could hear him walking down the hall & slowly down the staircase. The front door opened & I could hear my Mom's chipper 'shopping' voice greet him & ask for some help with their purchases. Next came his deep rumbley voice but I couldn't make out what he was saying. Mom's voice chimed in with a slightly puzzled sound & then a rumbley reply. Then the shrieking of my name began.
The little fucker told on me. Bastard.
I don't know how & I don't know when, but someday he will rue the day! (I am shaking my fist up at the sky as I type this).
On the positive side of things I did learn from my mistake. Instead of getting into a physical confrontation with someone much larger then myself I prefer to let them know what the consequences of their irritating me will be. For instance, while I was still living at home when Phate started getting on my case & playing his stupid games to get a rise out of me I told him that if he kept it up then the next time I began my period I would go lie down in his bed naked & just bleed everywhere & maybe use his pillow as a maxi pad. The look on his face was worth it, mostly because even though it was repugnant he knew I would actually go through with it.
If only I had thought of it sooner. I wouldn't have a permanent bruise on my leg & I would have all the vision in my left eye.
User Reviews
Submitted by Unbound (user info) at 2005-11-23 14:30:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for finishing the tale (I hope). You two don't still do this do you?
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2005-11-22 14:13:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-22 04:04:17 (#)
Ranking: -1
I may be barking up the wrong tree here, but you seem awfully keen to convince us you're a girl. Probably nothing, but it's just triggering my 'old man wearing diapers' alarm.
Apologies if you are actually XX Chromosome based.
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No worries. The technological age makes it way too easy for people to adopt other identities so feel free to believe whatever you want to about me. I just picture everyone as one gigantic sexless Ken doll, otherwise I have to deal with the probability that there is some dirty old freak out there wanking onto his keyboard right now.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-22 04:15:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
On a more positive note, google ads for the red cross? That's a new thing right? I'm not *just* retarded?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-22 04:04:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I may be barking up the wrong tree here, but you seem awfully keen to convince us you're a girl. Probably nothing, but it's just triggering my 'old man wearing diapers' alarm.
Apologies if you are actually XX Chromosome based.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-11-21 21:31:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
a) who's phate?
b) who are you?
c) shut up
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2005-11-21 21:25:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-21 20:14:22 (#)
Ranking: -1
Skip the weed and break out with some blow and we have a deal.
What time should I swing on by? I'm thinking seven-ish.
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make it 9 o'clock next Friday & we have a deal.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-21 20:14:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Skip the weed and break out with some blow and we have a deal.
What time should I swing on by? I'm thinking seven-ish.
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2005-11-21 19:56:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-21 19:49:11 (#)
Ranking: -1
Yeah...it DOES sound nice.
Everything except the over-sized stuffed penis.
What do you have in say...a vagina?
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Yes I do darlin', but it is dedicated to the man I live with (who just happens to be attached to a giant overstuffed penis of his own, lucky me!). So sorry, so all I can really offer you in consolation are the cookies, back scratches & how about some hard booze & marijuana? Would that suit you instead?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-21 19:49:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Yeah...it DOES sound nice.
Everything except the over-sized stuffed penis.
What do you have in say...a vagina?
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2005-11-21 19:44:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-21 19:39:53 (#)
Ranking: -1
That little oversight on my part only made me strongly consider the dreaded -2 for you even more.
I never let the facts get in the way of the Shlongy guaranteed rating system.
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Yeah, isn't it a bitch when logic gets in the way of a semi-good zing?
If it will make you feel better I will bake you some cookies & scratch your back for you as you gently fall asleep clutching a gigantic stuffed oversized penis, making death threats to the world as you head off into dreamland. Wouldn't that be nice?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-21 19:39:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
That little oversight on my part only made me strongly consider the dreaded -2 for you even more.
I never let the facts get in the way of the Shlongy guaranteed rating system.
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2005-11-21 19:35:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-21 17:43:26 (#)
Ranking: -1
Sounds like one of those gay-boy love triangles...minus the triangle.
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That's pretty gross considering that I was not only talking about my brother but I am also a girl. So hardly a gay-boy love thingy. Ew. EW.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-21 18:00:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-21 17:57:25 (#)
Ranking: -1
They don't call Shlongy the "Best reviewer in the league" for nothing, Jim
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You called it here.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-21 17:57:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
They don't call Shlongy the "Best reviewer in the league" for nothing, Jim.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-21 17:53:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-21 17:46:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-21 17:43:26 (#)
Ranking: -1
Sounds like one of those gay-boy love triangles...minus the triangle.
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they're right.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-21 17:46:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-21 17:43:26 (#)
Ranking: -1
Sounds like one of those gay-boy love triangles...minus the triangle.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-21 17:43:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Sounds like one of those gay-boy love triangles...minus the triangle.