Beware trainees!! (282 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.5 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Spacey (View user info) at 2005-11-22 06:02:11 EST
I was going to leave my job a few weeks back, but they offered my more money for less work, so I stayed. It was all going well until yesterday, when the trainee started. She spent the whole afternoon in A & E with concussion and a broken wrist AND I DIDN'T GET FIRED!! Not that it was my fault....honest....
She waltzed through the door at 9:15 when she was asked to be here for ten to. Mistake 1. She was inappropriately dressed for the job. Who turns up to their first day at a new job in trainers? Seriously!
It was just she and I in the office yesterday, I was going to teach her the basics and then pass her onto my boss so he could do the rest. The basics in my office consist of:
1. Don't steal my stationary
2. Don't steal my chair, even if yours is broken
3. Don't go in my drawers
4. We have a fag break if and when I say so
5. If I am half way through showing you something, don't talk about something else
6. Don't ever ever ever ever ever EVER start swooning over the photo of my husband that's on my desk
7. Don't be fat, ugly or stupid in my presence
By 12 o'clock the kangorilla fuckpig had:
1. Stolen my stationary
2. Swapped my chair for her broken one
3. Gone in my drawers (to steal my stationary)
4. Walked out for a fag without saying a word when I was mid sentence
5. Told me all about her holiday to Magaluf when I was trying to teach her how to use a computer
6. Picked up the photo of my husband and said "He's well fit I'd have a go on that"
7. Been fat, ugly and stupid
I took an early lunch, just to escape her for a while. When I returned to the office I found that she had once again swapped my chair for her broken one. So I swapped them back. I was blissfully unaware that I had caught the lever which makes the seat tilt all the way back.
When she strolled in ten minutes later she sat down (coffee in hand). The back of the seat failed to stop her globule like mass from falling backwards. Then next 3 seconds happened in slow motion and I will remember every tiny little detail for the rest of my life. She fell back, spilt her coffee all over herself, hit her head on a filing cabinet, which just so happened to have a very precariously balanced printer on top of it. She crashed to the ground and the printer fell on top of her. I sat stunned and staring at the scene before my eyes. She lay unconscious for the next 3 minutes.
I had to take her to the hospital. It was the most uncomfortable journey I have ever experienced. Needless to say, I'm pretty sure she won't be coming back.
From that moment, a tiny seed of inspiration blossomed in my mind. I wonder how many more trainees I can hospitalise without being sacked...
Not difficult. By about 12 o'clock she had:
1. Stolen my stationary
2. Swapped my chair with hers
3. Gone in my drawers (to steal my stationary)
4. Gone for a fag break when I was half way through teaching her something
5. Told me about the holiday she just had in Magaluf with her friends when I was teaching her how to use the computer program
6. Picked up the photo of my husband, stared at it for a while and said "He's fit; I wouldn't mind a go on that myself"
I decided to take an early lunch, just to get away from her complete stupidity. When I got back, I noticed that she'd swapped the chairs again, so I swapped them back. I was totally and utterly unaware that I had caught the lever which makes the seat tilt all the way back.
When she came back to the office, complete with KFC and drink in hand she sat down. The next three seconds happened in slow motion and I will remember every tiny little detail for the rest of my days. As she sat back the chair failed to stop her globule like mass from falling. She fell backwards, split her drink over herself, knocked herself out on a filing cabinet (which happened to have a printer on top of it). The printer crashed down onto her arm. I sat in stunned silence staring at the amazing scene before me for the next three minutes.
When she came round I took her to the hospital. It was a long and awkward drive. Needless to say, I don't think she'll be coming back to work with us.
From this experience a tiny seed of inspiration blossomed in my somewhat unstable mind. I wonder how many more fat, stupid, ugly trainees I can hospitalise without being sacked....
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-22 06:32:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
deja vu...
Submitted by Magic_Monkey (user info) at 2005-11-22 06:19:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry , got a cold
Submitted by Magic_Monkey (user info) at 2005-11-22 06:19:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Fubby
Submitted by celine (user info) at 2005-11-22 06:16:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You asked for it.
Seriously though, content alone would get you a zero at best.
Submitted by Spacey (user info) at 2005-11-22 06:05:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh no... I don't know how I managed that....Now I feel stoopid...roll on -2s!