Beware Trainees (withouth the stoopid fucking mistake!) (427 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Spacey (View user info) at 2005-11-22 06:10:16 EST
I was going to leave my job a few weeks back, but they offered my more money for less work, so I stayed. It was all going well until yesterday, when the trainee started. She spent the whole afternoon in A & E with concussion and a broken wrist AND I DIDN'T GET FIRED!! Not that it was my fault....honest....
She waltzed through the door at 9:15 when she was asked to be here for ten to. Mistake 1. She was inappropriately dressed for the job. Who turns up to their first day at a new job in trainers? Seriously!
It was just she and I in the office yesterday, I was going to teach her the basics and then pass her onto my boss so he could do the rest. The basics in my office consist of:
1. Don't steal my stationary
2. Don't steal my chair, even if yours is broken
3. Don't go in my drawers
4. We have a fag break if and when I say so
5. If I am half way through showing you something, don't talk about something else
6. Don't ever ever ever ever ever EVER start swooning over the photo of my husband that's on my desk
7. Don't be fat, ugly or stupid in my presence
By 12 o'clock the kangorilla fuckpig had:
1. Stolen my stationary
2. Swapped my chair for her broken one
3. Gone in my drawers (to steal my stationary)
4. Walked out for a fag without saying a word when I was mid sentence
5. Told me all about her holiday to Magaluf when I was trying to teach her how to use a computer
6. Picked up the photo of my husband and said "He's well fit I'd have a go on that"
7. Been fat, ugly and stupid
I took an early lunch, just to escape her for a while. When I returned to the office I found that she had once again swapped my chair for her broken one. So I swapped them back. I was blissfully unaware that I had caught the lever which makes the seat tilt all the way back.
When she strolled in ten minutes later she sat down (coffee in hand). The back of the seat failed to stop her globule like mass from falling backwards. Then next 3 seconds happened in slow motion and I will remember every tiny little detail for the rest of my life. She fell back, spilt her coffee all over herself, hit her head on a filing cabinet, which just so happened to have a very precariously balanced printer on top of it. She crashed to the ground and the printer fell on top of her. I sat stunned and staring at the scene before my eyes. She lay unconscious for the next 3 minutes.
I had to take her to the hospital. It was the most uncomfortable journey I have ever experienced. Needless to say, I'm pretty sure she won't be coming back.
From that moment, a tiny seed of inspiration blossomed in my mind. I wonder how many more trainees I can hospitalise without being sacked...
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-22 17:39:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I bet you say alu-mini-um, too
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-11-22 08:58:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Where did you get COOL NEW TRAINERS??!"
I love you Brits.
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2005-11-22 08:55:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
youre miserable and thats gay
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-11-22 08:41:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If this is true then it's hilarious. If not it's still pretty funny.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-11-22 07:49:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's great when you don't care what happens with your job
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-11-22 07:48:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Not entirely horrible, but I'd like to see you write something which isn't work related.
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-11-22 07:31:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-11-22 07:19:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
BART FUCKING SOLD OUT
FUCK THESE ADS
------------------------
If you view one of my posts, the google ad's are all Michael Jackson related and generaly ignorant jokes. Bart Bart is cashing in on my fame!
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-11-22 07:28:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"Hey Farva what's the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy stuff on the wall and the mozzarella sticks?"
"You mean Shenanigans? "
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2005-11-22 07:24:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I reckon the ads are another experiment. He broke uber, then fixed it when we found out how to have fun anyway. Now the ads.
Maybe he'll let us have italics next. Or change the colour of the front screen to black just for a laugh so we can't read anything apart from the logo and the top banner.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-11-22 07:19:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
BART FUCKING SOLD OUT
FUCK THESE ADS
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-11-22 06:32:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A few errors but it was a nice story and I think it deserved a +2 especially with some of the parp that gets posted now.
Submitted by Spacey (user info) at 2005-11-22 06:31:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JSultan (user info) at 2005-11-22 06:25:53 (#)
Ranking: 0
Stationery
----------------
No...
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-11-22 06:29:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
cool tale.
Submitted by JSultan (user info) at 2005-11-22 06:25:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Stationery