Attention Fat Emo Chicks: Do Not Sit Next To Me On The Bus (3057 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.21 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by janeroe (View user info) at 2005-11-22 16:40:11 EST
Why does this bus smell so funny? Maybe I smell funny?
(Sniffs self nonchalantly)
No, I smell like... Oh no. Don't sit here. Don't sit by me. Look down; see my book bag is in the empty seat on the aisle. Please just keep going. You aren't Rosa Parks get to the back of the bus.
(Looks up, nods politely, and moves book bag.)
Please don't talk to me. I'm looking out the window. I have no interest in you.
"Yeah it is cold out today"
(Fake Smile)
Oh no must think harder! PLEASE STOP TALKING TO ME! PLEASE PLEASE JUST STOP! I'll give you a new trendy pin to put on your messenger book bag if you just don't talk to me. Or I'll give you a Misfits patch and you can safety pin it on.
"No, I don't have an iPod"
Maybe if I scoot closer to the window. I hope her goth friend will call and tell her she is going to commit suicide and she'll talk on the phone until my stop. Maybe you should kill yourself. You are right nobody loves you. How could they? Look at you? We get it you are fucking sad. I bet you are a cutter too. Yeah, I see your stupid wrist bands.
"Yeah, it must suck to have to carry all those art supplies around."
I can't believe it every fucking day I get one of these fat emo chicks who thinks I must be Dr. fucking Phil. Just once, I want to sit next to the damn deaf kid who is always trying to do sign language to the kid across from him who doesn't know sign language. Hell, I would settle for the sorority whore carrying her Prada bag, wearing stilettos, and yacking on her cell phone about how her "best friend forever" kissed her boy friend who she thought was "the one" at their special place by the pier on their third week anniversary. Blah blah blah Can you believe her? Blah blah blah I met him when he helped me do a keg stand blah blah. Even she would be better than sad sad Sally. At least she would smell like cheap imitation perfume and not BO
"No, I'm not really that into Japanese animation."
Why do you have to carry everything you own with you? Can't you leave at least one doodle back in your dorm? Yeah, I get it you have a lot of fucking angst. Wash your fucking hair. Maybe if I pretend I am reading. Oh Shit! I can't reach my bag her fucking canvas is in the way I can't even move my arms. Maybe if I cough a lot she won't make me respond to her.
(cough cough cough cough cough )
(sigh)
"Yeah, I heard it is going around."
"Really your sister had chicken pox twice that's amazing."
Goddamnit Let's see I have tried to shrink and disappear into the window. I tried to fake cough. I can't fake sleep she is too smart to think I am narcoleptic and fell asleep in the last ten seconds. Maybe if I fart. Come on. I know you are in there. Nothing. Maybe if I crack all my knuckles some people hate that maybe she will hate it.
(crack crack crack crack crack crunch crack)
Damn it not even eye roll. Jesus, can you move your shit a little? Just a little?
(Nods)
Oh just shut up. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I don't feel your pain. I don't give a shit about your seasonal depression.
(Nods)
"No, I never heard their under ground album"
"Yeah, I'm sure it is bitchin."
"Oh, this is your stop? Yeah, see ya."
Yes! Yes! Yes! I can't believe it she is gone. Only six more stops till my parking lot and then I can just...
Oh no, don't sit here... Do not sit here.
(Fakes being asleep)
(Farts)
User Reviews
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-11-23 09:30:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this. Convo was a little choppy but thats cool.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-11-23 09:16:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YES!
Submitted by yuvalset (user info) at 2005-11-23 09:08:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
very good. But you are a sociopath.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-11-23 09:03:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Really your sister had chicken pox twice that's amazing.
Submitted by Jay_Bassman (user info) at 2005-11-23 08:43:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate it when people I don't know talk to me on the bus. One morning I had to sit next to this guy, about my age. he said hi, I said hi. that was that. Got off at my stop, went to work. 10 hours later i get on the bus to go home, and I had to sit next to him again. "Oh, hi. Fancy that." A pause, and then...
"So, how was your day?"
Bastard.
That's why I put my Creative Zen Touch on as soon as I get on the bus, and I don't move my bag off my seat for no-one.
Submitted by Calios (user info) at 2005-11-23 03:53:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I always find rocking back and forward and
a chant of "Can't sleep, Clown will eat me"
to be quite effective.
Submitted by Magic_Monkey (user info) at 2005-11-23 03:33:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes! Yes! Yes! I can't believe it she is gone. Only six more stops till my parking lot and then I can just...
Oh no, don't sit here... Do not sit here.
(Fakes being asleep)
(Farts)
-------------
Gold
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2005-11-23 02:25:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you gotta be nice to people or theyll be morons forever
Submitted by malkavian (user info) at 2005-11-22 23:15:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Meh...
I know it's *really* cool to hate inconditionally Emos AND fat chicks (since Maddox tols you so, I guess), but seriously, grow a personality.
I mean, you could at least make fun of her or smack her on the head with her canvas.
(btw, I am not emo, nor a fat chick, just for the record...)
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2005-11-22 20:19:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Try exploding and talking about how much you like dead girls. Gets them every time.
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2005-11-22 18:11:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Heh, nice.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-11-22 17:57:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Interestingly written.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-22 17:56:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
bus talkers are scum
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-11-22 17:52:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-11-22 17:44:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-11-22 17:35:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to have one of these in the office. I've found that derisive, point-blank honesty is often the only way to deter their interest in you.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-11-22 17:23:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Look down; see my book bag is in the empty seat on the aisle. Please just keep going. You aren't Rosa Parks get to the back of the bus.
------
Pay two fares and you can have your empty seat, too.
Submitted by windowsrcold (user info) at 2005-11-22 17:17:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Agree with the sentiment. If you can avoid it don't sit next to anyone on public tranportation. If you can't avoid it....SIT THERE AND SHUT UP. No one knows your life so no they dont' want to hear it because they really don't give a shit. I used to be that poor kid too. Only mind was always homeless people.
Submitted by Draqus (user info) at 2005-11-22 17:17:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't get that problem.
Usually the sight of me eating the remains of the last person to sit beside me (raw, incidentally: no good cooking facilities on a bus) puts people off trying to sit down.
At least until I finish eating, and get hungry, that is. I can get *real* inviting around that time.
Submitted by claymation_dude (user info) at 2005-11-22 17:00:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Happens to me every time I get the bus. Which is why I don't get the bus.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-11-22 16:55:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i genuinely do not like the story or the sentiment but it was interestingly written.
p.s. i am not a fat emo chick
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-22 16:53:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
(Fakes being asleep)
(Farts)
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2005-11-22 16:52:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Farting can be effective, yes...
However, pinching an entire loaf into your pants will clear the whole bus.
Submitted by pantsarestupid (user info) at 2005-11-22 16:51:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate having to deal with transmitted thigh heat on the subway. Whenever someone sits next to me they always end up almost on my lap.
hate
hate
hate
....that.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-11-22 16:51:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i thought this would be funnier by the title :(
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-11-22 16:47:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Attention Janeroe: Please jump underneath the bus that you were supposed to catch and leave room for all the poor, fat Americans.
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2005-11-22 16:45:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Struck me as mean for no particular reason.
...I mean, you're riding the bus too, right? :P
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-22 16:44:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I relate all too much with this post. Although instead of fat emo chicks, I get humonguous male and/or female businesspeople.