Wow...Just, Wow. A Sassmasterr Update. (1262 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1.92 on 40 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sassmasterr (View user info) at 2005-11-22 16:43:41 EST
So...my life changed forever on October 15th...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/77060
That evening, I told my parents what was going on. I stepped out from my party (there's a bar at work and my coworkers and friends threw me one big hootenany) to make the call to my dad.
<Takes two shots rapidly>
Me: Hello, Dad?
Dad: Oh, Hi Son.
<5 minutes of chit chat>
Dad: Ok, we'll see you when we get home son.
Me: Yeeeeaaaaahhhhhh...about that.
At this point, I began to explain how I had moved out during their getaway and I wouldn't be there when they got back. My dad was fine with this...to a point.
Dad: So, do you have a roommate?
Me: Yeah.
Dad: Who is it?
Me: Dad.........................It's purely platonic.
Dad: NO! NO! NO! DAVID YOU CANNOT DO THIS! NO! NO! NO! NO! THIS IS WRONG! YOU KNOW THIS IS WRONG! YOU BETTER BE THERE WHEN WE GET HOME!
Me: Dad, I'm sorry, but I signed a lease. I can't just back down on this. I gave it a lot of thought and I knew this is what I had to do.
Dad: <continues shouting for 5 more minutes>
Me: Dad, I gotta go.
<click>
Since then...
1) My parents and I have only spoken once - to get my mail.
2) I have found out that I am not welcome at my old church.
3) Most of my old Christian friends either think I'm Satan in the flesh or they aren't allowed to talk to me. WTF?
4) I have never been happier.
I have had some of the best times of my life since then. It's barely been a month but I feel like I've done so much with my newfound freedom. I actually have a smile on my face, without having to force it.
The one thing I don't have...is internet access.
I don't have a home phone and hi-speed is a minimum of $40/month (apartment rules). I work with/on computers all day and have a good amount of free time, but my bosses are right next to me all day. I can't do anything non-work related. Even on my lunch break, I have to keep the volume down.
The most absurd part of my quandry is this:
I work in computer forensics. I comb through terabytes of data on various hard drives, cd's, and dvd's looking for various files and what have you. After looking at hundreds and hundreds of people's computers (mostly from where they work) I have seen some of the nastiest things outside of ubersite. I mean, these things are right on par with goatse-man and tubgirl hosting their own lemonparty. My typical find includes some family vacation photos (the beach, Disney World, Yellowstone), some baby photos (Little Tyler-Durden Sanders at 3 weeks.jpg), and...in the same folder...vile bondage pics with girls spread-eagle over a shit-covered man while being held up by fishhooks. Sick fuckers.
I said all that to get to this point.
Ubersite.com and BoredAtWork.com are blocked! It's one thing if I'm in a law firm or something but I'm with a bunch of techies buried in a back room in some obscure office building. It's my job to look at porn all day and you want to ban a little yellow cartoon (Beeb) peener??? WTF?
I'm going through withdrawl. I need my Ubersite. I need to post shit. I need to feed on the shit posts of others. When Thursdays roll around, my mind churns forth a thousand peutrid thoughts of what I could post. But alas! They are all in vain :(
I miss you, Ubersite.
Perhaps Bart could organize some sort of weekly (written) newsletter.
And now, the first Google'd image for "withdrawl"...
User Reviews
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-12-17 09:18:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love the dad-versation
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-12-05 22:38:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just CAN'T say anything bad about a fellow computer forensics tech...actually, I don't do it for a living, I do it part time, and I work for PI's and various police agencies....but thats another story.
Being a tech, you should be able to find a WiFi that is open in an apartment complex (you of all people should know just how stupid your average computer user is)...not that I condone leaching internet access.
Submitted by Lmarie22000 (user info) at 2005-12-05 22:22:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-12-05 22:01:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-11-23 09:18:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Glad to hear you're still alive and well in C-town, next time just tell your parents you're starting a cult and that you are their leader and god, that you couldn't have done it without thier guidance and religious fanaticism.
Rock on!
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-11-23 09:12:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
way to stick to your guns Sass.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-23 09:03:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sassy!!one
Fuck'em I guess, you are living with a really hot chick.
If they can't understand that, then they have no business living.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-11-23 08:02:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OH MY GAWD! DAVE! DAVE! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?! HOW COULD YOU!!!
Just kidding, friend. Glad to see you're back...even if only in fleeting moments.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-11-23 05:33:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm glad it's sort of working out for you. I blame the church for everything.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-11-23 05:20:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck the Church!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-11-23 05:05:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my idiot uncle and aunt sent my cousin to a christian camp for girls when she got preggers.
she was 22 at the time.
<idiots>
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-11-23 04:43:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Davey, <weeps>, I have missed you so :<(
PS: Can you get me back my hard drive intact?
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-11-22 22:39:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
fuck em if they cant take a joke.
oh wait, this isnt a joke.
good luck man.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2005-11-22 22:21:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-11-22 20:49:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Good on ya. They've got some nerve saying you're "not welcome" at your church. Fuck 'em.
Once again Thorpe is correct.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2005-11-22 22:21:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssss!!!!!!!
Please come back brother.
We all miss you.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-11-22 22:05:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GO CAVS!!
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-11-22 20:49:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good on ya. They've got some nerve saying you're "not welcome" at your church. Fuck 'em.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-11-22 20:17:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-11-22 19:39:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for finally coming out
_____________
THAT'S GAYVORTISM!!!
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-11-22 20:06:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-11-22 19:39:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for finally coming out
sorry your parents took it so badly
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-11-22 19:32:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't get super-religious people and their crazy hangups. What's so wrong with having a girl roommate? I guarantee you there's nothing about that in the Bible.
Oh well, good for you. I'm glad that you're happy, healthy, and away from your psycho parents.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2005-11-22 19:18:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pick up the receiver, I'll make you a believer.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-11-22 18:37:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm happy for you Sassmaster, I really am...I always feel a little nauseous inside when I meet a super-strict or super-religious couple who have kids because I know there's a good chance those kids will grow up to be like them...and it's such a ridiculous way to live. So, fucking good for you, bro.
On that note, don't start banging Thai hookers and snorting coke.
FREEDOM!! TERRIBLE TERRIBLE FREEDOM!!
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-11-22 18:34:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ah the pleasures of religion
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-11-22 17:48:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah yes the first move away from home. <sigh> some fond memories of parties, food poisening and puking, those where the days.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-22 17:42:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Who ARE you?
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-11-22 17:37:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sinner.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-11-22 17:36:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-22 16:52:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
let me give you this +2, my friend, so that you may cup it in your hand and feel its life-affirming warmth...
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Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-11-22 17:34:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sassmasterr...
Good to see you around...
Sucks about your home life. I've never understood why some Christians think that being overbearing parents will have a positive effect on their children. That's not what life is about. Life is not about not sinning because you've never been faced with temptation. Life, according to Christ, is about abstaining through temptation to bring a message of hope to others.
But, whatever. People would rather just judge and do the exact opposite of what Jesus said to do, all the while turning more and more people off to the idea of salvation through anything even remotely religious. Shame really...but it was bound to happen.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-22 17:25:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-11-22 17:09:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Viva la freedom.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-11-22 17:00:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm really glad to hear that this is working out for you. Life is too short to live a lie.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-11-22 16:57:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely done Sass.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-11-22 16:57:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Enjoy your time now that the cuffs are off.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-11-22 16:53:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What's up you dirty Cleveland bastard?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-22 16:52:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
let me give you this +2, my friend, so that you may cup it in your hand and feel its life-affirming warmth...
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-11-22 16:51:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't get it, you moved in with a girl? or just to some other house without telling them?
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-11-22 16:50:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well. Glad you're happier now, anyway, Sassy. Miss your goofy ass around here.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-11-22 16:49:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow i hadn't read the other post and I had no idea about your very christian parents and friends.
i think what you did is good and i think you will rock on. good for you!!!
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-22 16:48:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you'd get more choices if you searched for "withdrawal."
That being said, I'm sorry you were brought up in that lunacy and I'm happy for you. But then I remember the job you had before....but then I remember your household....fuck it, let's go bowling.