I'm out of clean underwear. Send help. (1887 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 1.48 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Beer_bong (View user info) at 2005-11-23 13:20:05 EST
What do I do? I don't have any classes today, so school is no problem, but what do I do about work?
I have a 2 day rule. Underwear can be worn for 2 days without washing, no more. And only 1 day if I have been engaged in physical activity.
But the closet is bare. The little underwear compartment has gone empty. WHAT DO I DO?
I've already ordered 5 fresh pairs off amazon.com, but even with overnight shipping they probably wont get here for a day or so.
Can I justifiably call in to work and say "I can't come in today, I don't have any clean underwear."? Will I get fired?
Oh man I'm so scared. The ones I'm wearing have already reached their 2-day limit. AND I just got back from the gym. I've been wearing them since monday night, when I camped out in front of Best Buy to get a Xbox 360.
Fabreeze is not an option. I'm afraid of possible reactions. Chemicals and genitals don't mix.
I can't go commando. I live in Washington and its fucking November. NOVEMBER!
I'm afraid.
Its cold. Soooooooo cold.
I don't know how long I can last.
Where is that damn underwear gnome?
I'm seriously debating stealing a pair of my roomates panties. I'm almost certain they would fit. What kind though? Thong? G-string? Something Lacy?
I'm running out of food. It won't be long before communications are lost.
Where's my reinforcements?
The walls are closing in. Things are going dark.
Tell my wife I love her...
User Reviews
Submitted by Aiya (user info) at 2005-11-24 01:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
That two day rule is disgusting.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-11-24 01:02:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuck it, I laughed.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-11-24 00:27:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought of that Mike, but I wear workout pants at the gym. I don't own any shorts that aren't jeans.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-11-23 23:59:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Gym shorts.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-11-23 19:05:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
In all fairness, Schlongy, most of the people there were getting them for their kids. But, yeah, I was there because I have no life. But I got my 360 so I'm okay with that.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-23 18:46:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
For camping out for a fucking XBox with the rest of the no-lifers.
Tip: Turn your existing pairs inside out.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-23 18:41:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
good picture..lousy post
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-11-23 18:33:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:23:55 (#)
Ranking: 1
fashion a pair out of some paper towels and a roll of duct tape
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-11-23 18:21:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2005-11-23 14:54:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
underwear gnomes steal underwear fucktard
but that was entertaining
Damnit, I knew I fucked that up. Underwear gnomes steal it, underwear fairy brings it back clean.
On a recon mission through the living room, I found a pair of Spongebob boxers behind the couch.
I damn near stole my roomates underwear.
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-11-23 17:41:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-23 15:25:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Technically, you can wear underwear 4 days in a row and stay clean:
frontwards,
backwards,
inside out frontwards
inside out backwards.
----------------------
Damn, you beat me to it.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-23 15:55:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The 4th one along is bonny.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-23 15:25:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Technically, you can wear underwear 4 days in a row and stay clean:
frontwards,
backwards,
inside out frontwards
inside out backwards.
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2005-11-23 15:12:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do what I do & just don't wear any. Duh.
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2005-11-23 15:11:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ewwwwwww... underwear gets worn for one day only, and that's it.
I have no sympathy - go buy some more and do your laundry more often.
Submitted by Unbound (user info) at 2005-11-23 15:09:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I feel your pain dude but why didn't your wife do the laundry if you were too lazy to do it yourself?
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2005-11-23 14:54:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
underwear gnomes steal underwear fucktard
but that was entertaining
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-23 14:44:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd do the 2nd and 4th ones.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-11-23 14:18:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
rules were made to be broken. 3 days of wearing the same skivvies is as bad as 2 anyway.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:57:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Buy button-down jeans, like me. Problem solved.
I can roust about with my dangle swinging in the breeze with no threat of zipper teeth ripping into my meatus.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:54:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Good lord, I'm about to do something horrible. Don't hate me.
Will report back later.
May god have mercy on my soul.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:50:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm all out too! But at elast the ones I'm wearing are clean. In the future- hand wash in the sink the night before. Underwear is the easiest thing to get away with handwashing (at least girlie ones are). For today, Febreze won't kill you, I can attest to that.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:46:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by clit_commander (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:31:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude, the whole point of wearing underwear to work (presumably under slacks) is so people cant see the outline of your dickhead through your pants. If it's cold out, your penis will be super shrunk and no one will notice!
------------------
i have such fond memories of crotch spotting the guys that don't wear underwear... go commando if ya have a nice package.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:44:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
clit_commander I wear jeans to work and I don't want to chance my zipper sliding down, or something getting caught.
Submitted by Wrightcopy (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:43:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:32:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:26:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Try doing some fucking laundry, piggy.
------------------------
I almost gave you a +1 for being so lazy to wait until you had no underwear to do laundry, but then I noticed the pic's filename and spit french fries and coke all over myself.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:43:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Teamwars business is postponed until next week, due to complications and the Holiday break.
And Jeanee, laundry is not an option. I only have 30 minutes before I have to leave for work. I thought I was covered for at least today. With a 4 day weekend, I don't have to leave the house, therefore, no underwear needed.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:37:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:26:55 (#)
Ranking: 0
Girls on the ends get my vote.
Far left for the smile and the ass.
Far right for the thong.
------
Thong good.
Gut hanging over thong bad.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:35:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:24:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll tell those girls instead...
Oh, and wash a pair in the sink with a little dishsoap and dry them in a toaster over/ microwave/hairdrier after you wring them out if you're at all serious.
I've done the "washed socks and underwear in the sink and dried them in the toaster oven" trick more times than I'd like to have...
------------------------------------------------
The microwave works too, and it's not a fire hazard. Unless you have metal buttons...
Be careful dammit.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:32:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:26:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Try doing some fucking laundry, piggy.
Submitted by clit_commander (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:31:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude, the whole point of wearing underwear to work (presumably under slacks) is so people cant see the outline of your dickhead through your pants. If it's cold out, your penis will be super shrunk and no one will notice!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:30:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh washington ain't damn cold ya baby, suck it up! go commando.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:29:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lazy fuck, go to the store. Free balling to the store for 30 minutes won't kill you.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:26:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Try doing some fucking laundry, piggy.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:26:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Girls on the ends get my vote.
Far left for the smile and the ass.
Far right for the thong.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:25:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your rules of thumb are appropriate. The second day is acceptable because the body heat kills off the germs, but, with activity comes sweat and moisture thereby ...bah
Fuck it. I just wanted to know when Teamwars is going to start.
???
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:24:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll tell those girls instead...
Oh, and wash a pair in the sink with a little dishsoap and dry them in a toaster over/ microwave/hairdrier after you wring them out if you're at all serious.
I've done the "washed socks and underwear in the sink and dried them in the toaster oven" trick more times than I'd like to have...
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:23:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
fashion a pair out of some paper towels and a roll of duct tape
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-11-23 13:23:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I live close by and would bring you a pair, but damn dude, who the hell wears their underwear for two days unless they are on a hiking trip. Need fresh ones daily! I feel the need to secure you a "Underwear Fund" this Christmas and have you join the ranks of the 14 pair of underwear party.