Friends (LONG) (916 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.27 on 63 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Holly Golitely <hollywon1.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-11-24 02:40:45 EST
I used to be the type of person who would give friends my all, but the second that they took it for granted, I'd write them off and think nothing of it.
Since I relocated and literally had a year to myself, I've had time to rethink many of my attitudes and behaviors......one of which being the way that I judge and react to my friends.
One of my best friends is named Mary. When I met her, we both lived in central Ohio. She moved to Cleveland (north), and even though I was a couple of hours away at the time, I drove to meet her and help her unload the moving van. The sole purpose of my visit was to make her transition slightly easier. Clearly, I did nothing exceptional. I was her friend and acted as such.
Then, I moved to Cincinnati (southern Ohio). I didn't request any assistance (emotional or physical) from my friends. HOWEVER, I did ask Mary if she would come to visit me a couple of months later. Long story short, she agreed, then reneged due to bullshit excuses. Basically, she said "yes", then called me back an hour later and said she was sick = her boyfriend said "no".
I don't like being lied to. She lied to me. This was well over a week in advance, and she declined my invitation (after accepting it an hour prior) due to a cold that she didn't have the first time we discussed our plans.
So, I didn't talk to her for almost a year. I felt that her behavior did not warrant my friendship.
Being alone can cause interesting reactions in a person. Among other things, it facilitates, or maybe even accentuates, any negative attributes that you already have. By magnifying.....anything.....you, at some point, have to deal with it.
I did.
I realized that I was a taker; that I was dependant; didn't know who I was or what I wanted, and that I was unhappy because of those things.
I also realized who my friends are. Mary is my friend.
I called her and apologized for my negligence.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/74003
Her birthday and mine are 6 months apart, thus enabling us to celebrate not only our actual b'days, but our halves each and every year.
So, since I missed her actual, we celebrated both on mine........this past August.
As soon as we entered the designated "party bar", I recognized a lady who worked there.
Katy.
Katy and I went to elementary, middle, and part of (I switched) high school together. I remembered when we were 6 and her brother got poison ivy. I remembered she and I trading stickers. I remembered her mom visiting the grocery store where I held my first job; and we discussed all of it.
She told me how happy she was to see me, again, (as it'd been at least 7 years), and ended up celebrating with us when she was off the clock.
We both met boys that night. They are friends. We both dated our new buddies. We all hung out until the break of dawn at Mary's house.
Later, I remember my new buddy saying that Katy wanted me to call her and what good friends we used to be.
I told him that we were not friends and that I hadn't seen her in years.
We've since mostly gone our separate ways.
Truthfully, Katy annoyed me that night. She was so flamboyantly happy and "in your face". I felt like she intruded on Mary's and my celebration. The boys were also expendable, in my mind.
I drunk dialed my ex-buddy the other night and apparently had issues with answering when he returned the call.
Today, he called again and I was able to operate my cellular telephone.
We discussed a business plan that he is working on for about 20 minutes. Then, he said that he had bad news. He said that he thought that I either called because of it, or that it was a coincidence.
He realized that I was completely unaware of any bad news.
It was a coincidence.
"Well...................Katy died".
?
HE delivered this news because his friend was dating her, and I wasn't kind enough to return the voicemail that she left me saying that she was so glad to see me and that we should hang out.
I feel nothing.
Well, I feel no emotion.
I can see her smile. I can see her nose ring. I can see how beautiful she looked.
My heart doesn't hurt, but my skin does. It is so cold and bumpy, now. My skin just HURTS......that's it.
Weird how I've only thought of myself, since I received the news.
At first, I wondered if I could have helped her. Apparently, homicide has been ruled out.
So, she killed herself.
It might have been a drug overdose.........might have been to maintain her weight, might have been to have fun.
It might have been intentional.
I don't know, but she was too young to die without having been abusive to her body in some way or another. Is that not suicide?
I realized how mean, or inattentive, I was to her. Like I said, this probably wouldn't have changed anything.
Still, I can't help but to think about what I could have done differently.
I want everyone that I know.....every minute of the day.....to know that I care about them.
It's not easy to practice, but WTF.
Maybe if I'd realized that Katy's laughter and positive behavior was more enviable than annoying........
Death is a common occurrence. I know this. However, each and every person means something to me........and...what I've taken from her death is that I need to make their importance more obvious to them. Not because MY BLESSING means something, but that if we all tell everyone what we think......without ignorant bias......we'll all be fucking happy in the end.
I just read her obituary.
I'm sure that I'll cry and mourn her death.
I'm just not ready, yet.
My skin just hurts.
I love you, Katy. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you before.
User Reviews
Submitted by Agent_Smith (user info) at 2006-01-30 11:25:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't believe I actually agree with Kenny for once
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-30 11:14:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So no one told you we where over-active suede,
Our shows a hit,
It's shit,
You watch it any-waaaaay!
We'll be there for you,
And our ego's will grow,
We'll be there for you,
For a hundred grand a shoooooooow!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-30 11:03:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i have trouble seeing how one infraction is worth killing or almost killing a friendship over unless it's something like stole husband or molested child. repeated i can see, and even then if it's someone who really knows you and you cherish you think you'd forgive a little quicker than a year. you still seem cold in this. i hope you feel something.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2006-01-30 10:48:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Too bad you still have a shitty, unforgiving attitude with "friends".
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-12-11 18:38:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-11-25 10:36:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This isn't the first post you've written on the subject of you brusque attitude with friends.
I agree that sometime's it's best to just cut someone out of your life, but I don't think you realize how harsh your attitude is. Part of friendship is being able to forgive your friends' flaws and errors. You will never meet the perfect friend. Friends will almost always let you down, perhaps in some small way, perhaps in a bigger way. Friends are just people, and subject to all the things that make people suck. So for you to cut a friend out of your life because of a moment of weakness is not only silly, but hurtful to you both.
If you're only a friend for convenience, you're not much of a friend at all.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-11-24 11:48:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
very sorry
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-11-24 10:11:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Thanksgiving. Let's go get drunk sometime.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-24 09:06:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-11-24 08:50:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-24 06:39:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a mere office monkey. I lead a simple life as I am a simple man.
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH BERTY!
---
?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-24 09:04:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You have friends?
Shlongy didn't forsee that news flash.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-11-24 08:50:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-24 06:39:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a mere office monkey. I lead a simple life as I am a simple man.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH BERTY!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-24 06:39:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a mere office monkey. I lead a simple life as I am a simple man.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-24 05:53:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-11-24 05:50:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Holly make Berty tell us what job he does.
---
I'd put money on a graduate scheme at some fairly large corporation. I'm working on the premise that he's a slightly frustrated intellectual who is now doing a job that is not really challenging him.
Let's say working in HR at a company selling revolving dildos. Just a prediction
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-24 05:51:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/79584#1703881 Berty.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-11-24 05:50:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holly make Berty tell us what job he does.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-24 05:48:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting post. I'd like to talk apart compartmentalisation sometime, the process we go through whereby we separate certain parts of ourself off. If you're not ready/willing to let the death of Katie get to the core, active parts of your personality, then it follows that it will not effect you. You have made a decision, consciously or subconsciously to not let it touch you.
This will often manifest itself in dreams, or psycho-physical symptoms. Have you been ill recently? Interesting how we can be affected and not even realise it.
Alternatively, if you hadn't seen her for 7 years, then you could argue that most of 'Katie' is now a memory, and as abstract as seeing a death of a soap character (leaving aside when that affects people).
Talking of ill, Berty I namechecked you in that post about piss and retards. I thought you would be all over that man.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-11-24 05:45:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed the post, it was well written, but.....
I just don't get women- specifically how alot of women can just float in and out friendship with someone. My ex was exactly the same.
Meh, I guess we guys are messed up too. We can have a drunken punch up and still be best mates the next day.
+2, you made me think. Now my head hurts.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-24 05:27:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-11-24 05:06:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
They are local government any way Mr Berty, not civil service.
------------
You are still a servant of the civilian population Fabit, you're job is to make sure I am happy, affluent and healthy. It's really quite a laudable position.
Now shine my shoes, boy.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-11-24 05:06:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
They are local government any way Mr Berty, not civil service.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-11-24 05:06:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:42:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:33:53 (#)
Ranking: 1
Fairly harsh.
you work public sector?
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Private Barny, bloody hell I'm ordinary but at least I'm a real person. Civil servants are those homeless people in reflective jackets picking up litter from the verge of the road.
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*Coughs*
Submitted by cat_head (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:48:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You celebrate your "half-birthday"? OK.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:44:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I would be an un civil servent
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:42:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:33:53 (#)
Ranking: 1
Fairly harsh.
you work public sector?
-----------
Private Barny, bloody hell I'm ordinary but at least I'm a real person. Civil servants are those homeless people in reflective jackets picking up litter from the verge of the road.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:33:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Fairly harsh.
you work public sector?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:32:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:28:16 (#)
Ranking: 1
I would hardly call what Berty does living.
-----------------------------
Harsh but fair.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:30:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I <3 Berty and Holly
Happy Thanksgiving
Going to bed!
Go Lions (boy am I fucked)
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:28:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I would hardly call what Berty does living.
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:23:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
BERTY!
LIVES!
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:20:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:20:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
a_reader
sorry
and thanks
Happy Thanksgiving?
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:19:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hahaha
yeah, didn't even realize- opps!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:19:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:21:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
Ummmmm.Berty, have you been missing for a few days? Your absense makes me want to quit Uber.
So... in High School, I was an asshole. Afterwards, I was an asshole with standards. Now, I'm mean, but I care.
See?
I'm getting better.
------------------------------
I have been ill. On the plus side I discovered a copy of FF10 in one of my housemates PS2 games and I have finally found a real purpose for living.
Seriously though, one of my 'friends' infected me with the flu. I've known the bastard 11 years and now he crosses me. Well, that's it now. I'm cutting him out of my life forever.
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:18:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
X, old chum, old pal.........I appreciate my rating seeing as how you're a major contributor, but you must advance.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:18:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this because I saw 1.67 on 26 reviews. Even though it said "LONG" in the title, apparently 26 people found enjoyment in this post.
I read the post.
I read the reviews and realized that this post has 3 original reviews, but it has gained so many reviews because you two are chatting.
I'm glad I read the post anyway.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:15:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now I'm regretting being aim-free :(
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:11:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
by what standards?
:)
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:10:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
although I take some of the blame for getting things off track. At this moment, I'm thinking that more alone time to find myself (what a crock of shit) might be the best idea
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:08:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There's two woman that I'm talking to right now. I doubt either of them will result into anything serious. The one you are referring to is just a little too fucked up
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:08:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I mean, I know you had a hiccup....but did you correct your indigestion?
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-11-24 04:05:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you. I can't accept that invitation.
So, how are you? and the chica??
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:56:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So, what's on your mind? Open up to Dr. Xcuses...
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:53:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think that you get a free cane from the AARP.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:50:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
geriatric behavior?
Oh shit, let me grab my cane missy
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:46:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yep, screw your geriatric behavior.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:41:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:37:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
And I save my compliments for AIM.
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makes more sense. There's probably like a thousand people just waiting to compliment me if I just went on aim =)
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:39:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:36:55 (#)
Ranking: 0
You're dating yourself.
:)
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Some might call it that at the moment.
p.s I know that I am older than you, by like ten years
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:37:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And I save my compliments for AIM.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:37:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I also don't like being a linkwhore, but after reading this, I thought I would share one of my post that if you haven't read yet, you might enjoy. http://www.ubersite.com/m/73050
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:37:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Even though you're apparently younger than I am.
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:36:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're dating yourself.
:)
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:34:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I also recoginize that all my thoughts are being recorded on your post, which somehow seems like a bad idea at this paticular moment
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:33:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, I don't do the 'aim' thing. I'm an email, uber, phone type of person :(
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:32:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So, between you and me...you are one of my favorite personalities on here. I've always enjoyed cute woman that have a great sense of humor.
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:32:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
aim?
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:29:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm awake for too many stupid reason
Also, I'm really an owl that pretends to be a human
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:28:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why are you awake X?
I'm cold and sad.....
et tu?
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:25:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So, finally. I have a live Holly..........interesting
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:25:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What's going on here?
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:24:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
p.s. that's a girl/boy thing
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:21:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ummmmm.Berty, have you been missing for a few days? Your absense makes me want to quit Uber.
So... in High School, I was an asshole. Afterwards, I was an asshole with standards. Now, I'm mean, but I care.
See?
I'm getting better.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:12:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is weird, I mean you're like 26 or something. I can understand having that whole 'cast them aside' philosophy when you're just a kid in a school of 10,000 people (or however many it is you people cram in there) but to carry it through life?
*shrugs*
Then again what do I know? I've had my mates for over a decade. I've aquired new friends along the way but mates are for life, not just for Christmas. Perhaps its an English thing. Or a bloke thing.
p.s. Don't worry about not feeling stuff for dead people you don't especially care about. Register that it's not a good thing in an abstract intellectual way and move on. All natural.
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-11-24 03:07:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Okay, my life is about me...
but only because of her.... and everyone else that I'm lucky to know.
And you're drunk and stupid, but I love you, too.
Submitted by Magickmuse (user info) at 2005-11-24 02:56:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It's ok...Your just a fuckin irresponsible Pod. A fuckin Pod.
But it's ok cause ...listen here. You're life is about you. Not Katy.
Soi go forth and multifuckinply.
Your just a freak. But you're not alone.