Things YOU Should Be Thankful For On This Thanksgiving Day. Fuckhead. (871 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Good
Rating: 1.72 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by That Is My Stapler (View user info) at 2005-11-24 19:19:03 EST
I didn't knock YOU up, OR your daughter up, OR your sister up, OR your mother up, OR any female member of your family up, be it human, canine, feline, bovine, or any ine. Be thankful.
I didn't decorate your home. Be thankful.
I didn't get an autobiography published that you had to read, or worse, picked out on your own because it had a pretty cover in the bookstore. Be thankful.
I didn't cook your thanksgiving meal. Be thankful.
I didn't attend your thanksgiving meal. Be thankful.
I didn't fart within a 50 mile radius of you today (at least, that I'm aware of. If I did, sorry about that. Hope you managed to choke the yams down anyway). Be thankful. Be VERY thankful.
I didn't masturbate into your stuffing. Be thankful.
I'm not running for President, or ANY political office, EVER. Be Thankful.
I'm not your boss. Be thankful.
I'm not even your co-worker. Be thankful.
You don't even know me. Be thankful.
You're not me. Be thankful.
I didn't hunt you down and kill your sorry ass today, yesterday, and I probably (key word there is PROBABLY) won't ever. This takes a lot of restraint on my part. Be thankful.
Happy Thanksgiving, Turdfuckers. Be thankful for what you have, and in my case, what you DON'T have.
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-11-26 02:02:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am rather grateful that you didn't fart near me.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-11-25 20:34:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-11-25 18:33:12 (#)
Ranking: -2
alternatively, you could stop posting every single day.
mmmkay?
=============
I could. Alternatively alternatively, you could suck my dick until I ejaculate into your left cornea.
However, I doubt either one is going to happen.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-11-25 18:48:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yea
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-11-25 18:33:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
alternatively, you could stop posting every single day.
mmmkay?
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-11-25 15:42:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Now Zakalwe, that was just for spite. You're a sad little feller.
I think you need a field of daisies, a couple of puppies, and a butterfly floating around in the sunny breeze.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-25 14:44:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuck. I agree with most of this.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-11-25 14:18:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-11-25 14:16:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well thanks for your concern, Ruthie, but it looks like things are going to get a lot worse, for a very, very, very long time, before they get any better.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-11-25 13:04:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
:( I was hoping to hear that things had improved for you.
Yes I used an emoticon.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-11-25 12:26:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-11-25 12:10:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
How are you doing?
=======================
I'm freezing. Michigan does suck sometimes. Lots of snow here.
Aside from that, and the fact that I'm (literally) starving to death, and I'm probably going to jail, and my life is pretty much ruined and over, for ever and ever and ever, I'm fucking awesome.
How YOU doin'???
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-11-25 12:10:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How are you doing?
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-11-25 08:10:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahah great
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-11-25 08:09:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"You don't even know me. Be thankful."
Submitted by Stuch (user info) at 2005-11-25 07:56:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*salutes*
A true American hero.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2005-11-25 06:14:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am thankful for having read this...
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-11-25 06:01:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AHAHA!
I liked this.
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-11-25 01:09:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-11-24 23:55:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-11-24 22:40:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
>>>I didn't masturbate into your stuffing
LIAR. IT'S STUCK BETWEEN MY TEETH RIGHT NOW.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-11-24 21:11:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Three more hits, assholes, and I hit the coveted, prize-winning 90,000 hits. WOW! I can't wait! How many virgins do I get again?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-11-24 19:43:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and yes
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-11-24 19:38:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for putting it all in perspective.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-11-24 19:29:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me want to watch the Life of Brian for no apparent reason.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-11-24 19:26:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed and chuckled and i am thankful
Submitted by sizzlemctwizzle (user info) at 2005-11-24 19:23:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I didn't masturbate into your stuffing. Be thankful."
Haaahhhhhhhh<cue my retarded laugh>. That was some funny shit.