Retarded people give me the best stories. (893 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.47 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Frank Cushion <slashedfloaties.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-11-25 00:16:27 EST
So I was working in a major tourist attraction, and I was standing on a street of said place. Then I saw it. In a huge, brightly colored wheelchair, it all it's retarded glory: A helmet kid. His name was Charley. I'm not just assuming this, because it was painted in rainbow letters across his great plastic dome. He was jerking around a bit at the excitement of the area, so I smiled and waved. He giggled and wiggled. Awesome. So I waited a minute, and saw him making faces at me. Another good thing. I make a funnier face back at him, and he makes some noise, and laughs some more. So I wait a minute, then turn around with some other fucked up face. He laughs for about half a second, then stops, realizing he doesn't know me. So he mulls it over for a second, and does the only logical thing in this situation: He starts pounding the sides of his head like he's a living alarm clock. One of the funniest damned things I have ever seen.
Another time, in same said tourist trap, I was working in a show. The show is dark, and you are restrained to keep from getting up and being an asshole, walking all over everyone...which people WILL do if given the chance, you dipshit tourists. (How about you start paying attention to some of the rules when you're on vacation, huh?) Anyway, we have a large group from the short bus in here this time. There were downies, helmet kids, spasmoids, introverts, bedwetters, pants-wetters, all the best ones. So they all get strapped in and such, and it begins. The instant the lights go off, there is a cacophony of retarded wailing and mewlings.Since the only way to get them out would be to close down the show for about an hour, I said to hell with it. Let them scream. More entertainment for me. So I occasionally shined my flashlight on them, so I could both see their faces as they freaked out, and also to give them that little confidence boost that their trainers were still there. Then they came to me later, telling me how awesome the show was. The cage-masters rolled their eyes at this, and I could detect a "please kill me" in that roll.
This one isn't really about a retard, although she sounded like one. I got on the bus one day, and suddenly a blonde lady sits down right next to me. Of course, with all those empty seats, right next to me is the only plausible place. She stares at me for a bit, and I edge over to the next seat. Then there's the tap on my shoulder. I look up, and she waggles her hands at me while saying "Mluuhhhuuh muuurrhhhuurrr mluuurhurrrr muuuuggghinnn!" Wow...she's deaf, and expects me to understand sign language. So I take out a piece of paper, and write "I'm sorry, I don't understand sign language." I handed her the paper and pen, and she read it, then threw the pen back at me, giving me the finger. Wow...I understood THAT.
Anywho, a few weeks later, I encountered her again. But she wasn't alone. Apparently, she was arguing with her boyfriend. They were signing angrily at each other. Man, a sign language argument is AWESOME. The motions get more and more violent as they get angrier. Finally, she broke down crying, and he got off the bus at the next stop. Of course, she looked to me for consolation... So I did the gentlemanly thing...I flipped the bitch off.
Now here's a side note. Retards are one of the best things to ever happen to the world. They provide us with hours of entertainment. Think I'm an asshole if you want, I don't give a shit. Tell me you wouldn't laugh if some normal kid did half of this shit? You ever watch America's Funniest Home Videos? Remember when kids did stupid stuff, and you laughed? Why can't we laugh when the kid is retarded? Are they somehow less of a person, do you think? You're throwing around a constant double-standard by bitching about this kind of thing. Get a real cause rather than trying to search for something to bitch about.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-28 18:57:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-11-25 02:49:54 (#)
Ranking: -1
Don't bother to spew some lameassed ill considered justification for laughing at retarded kids because they're retarded.
It would have been decent without the last paragraph - as it is, it's just pussified.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-11-26 09:59:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
So when are you going to tell one of these good stories? This post is retarded.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-11-26 09:14:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a brainless asshole.
Submitted by Walker (user info) at 2005-11-26 09:12:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"Retards just being retarded are about as funny mentaly stable people just being menaly stable."
I second that... still funny though =)
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-26 08:45:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2005-11-25 09:54:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
got a little carried away at the end eh?
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2005-11-25 09:00:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i bet you're a fucking cunt
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-11-25 07:45:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh. Retards just being retarded are about as funny mentaly stable people just being menaly stable.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2005-11-25 06:11:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-11-25 02:49:54 (#)
Ranking: -1
Don't bother to spew some lameassed ill considered justification for laughing at retarded kids because they're retarded.
It would have been decent without the last paragraph - as it is, it's just pussified.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-11-25 05:12:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Genius.
But then I would have plus 2d a blank post with the same title.
Submitted by 501LatinVerbs (user info) at 2005-11-25 03:36:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
The real tester about laughing at stuff like this is if the retards want to be laughed at. No doubt some of them (just like some mentally healthy people) like acting the clown and making people laugh at them. Surely the rest find it a bit tiresome to constantly be a source of hilarity for others. Perhaps a little empathy would go a long way.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-11-25 03:07:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
laugh with.....not at
bftgoGgy
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-11-25 02:49:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Don't bother to spew some lameassed ill considered justification for laughing at retarded kids because they're retarded.
It would have been decent without the last paragraph - as it is, it's just pussified.
Submitted by frank_cushion (user info) at 2005-11-25 00:59:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah yes, jinman, but you're the one searching for retards. Thank you, Captain Double-Standard!
Final paragraph proved.
And yes, I DID +2 myself. Why? Well why the hell NOT, right?
Submitted by jinman (user info) at 2005-11-25 00:53:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You are the only retard thats cracking me up. Sounds like you have been forgetting to wear your helmet.
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2005-11-25 00:26:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hooray for other's misfortunes!