Do Florida a favor. Don't go to Disney World. (804 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.7 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Frank Cushion <slashedfloaties.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-11-25 13:50:32 EST
First, I'm guessing a good number of people here have been to Disney World. And I'm betting that 99.9% of them acted like complete assholes and retards while there. So here are some of the things that people who work there have to deal with.
People who speak English...then don't...then do...then they forget the entire language once again:
Most of the people who do this are from one of three countries. Brazil, Mexico, and the US. Working in Magic Kingdom, trying to usher a group of like 50 Brazilian teenagers in Spandex (because it's like some kind of staple in Brazilian life to wear Spandex on vacation...with no panties. No complains visually, of course: Have you ever seen an ugly Brazilian?) Anyway, they start listening after I tell the leader of their group to give me their park tickets and vacate Disney World permenantly, but you always have that one total bitch in the group. She sits down, IN THE PARADE ROUTE, and says "No speak English." So I look her in the eye and say "Out. You, your friends, your group. Out. You're done, let's go." Suddenly she spoke English again.
Working in a fastpass line, I told a family that their fastpass was for the time on their fastpass, not four hours before. There goes the language again. So I tell them in Spanish, their native language. Whoops, they don't speak Spanish anymore, either! So I get the Puerto Rican lady working next to me to cut them off. I tell you, Adriana was SCARY.
Here's my favorite one. I block a family off trying to bring a baby on something with a 44" height requirement. The one that answers is a huge, fat, pasty guy wearing the Confederate flag as a shirt. He says "No speaky the English-o." And he wasn't saying it as a joke. He thought it would work. Fucking rednecks.
Then you have the people that just don't give a shit. They're the ones that will stop in the middle of a busy road while walking across, to take a picture. I'm not kidding. Tourists will do this. And I bet at least one person reading this HAS done this kind of shit. And you see the chains that are up everywhere? Who would have thought they they're there for a reason? Nope, we just built this obstacle course for you to fuck around on all day.
Some of the most frequent, however, are the ones who forgot how to read, think, see, and walk. They will hit you with their stroller and of course, it's your fault...even if you're standing by a wall. They will come up to a person standing directly under a sign that displays the wait time for a ride, and say "How long is the wait?" I started a trend of turning around and staring at the sign for a minute, pointing at it, before turning around and saying "I don't know." They're the ones who will try to fit a family of seven in a two person car. They will crowd a conveyor belt to get on a ride. I used to stop the belt when these people got there so they'd all topple over themselves. Hey, it's not like I hadn't been yelling "Don't crowd the belt" for the past hour.
And then you have ride evacuations. A ride breaks, and we have to get everyone off before we start it again...but first we have to check the track to make sure there isn't like, a fire or something. And as we're going to check that, everyone on the fucking ride is demanding we let them off NOW. Because they WANT to walk through flames. Then when the path is clear and everything, they refuse to walk on the safe spots you direct them to walk on. Here's an example: The TTA, formerly known as the People Mover. The track has several black rectangles on it. Those are the topes of the motors, and also the only part of the middle of the track that can support more than 25 pounds. The rest is a thin plastic shell to keep shit the idiots throw from falling to the street below. Of course, all the fat people want to walk directly on the plastic, and avoid the motor caps like the plague. I know I don't feel like pulling out some 600 pound bitch from a track, just because she won't listen.
Then the final group: Fat shits on scooters. First, your scooter is NOT a fucking wheelchair. It's a cart you rented because you're a fucking lazy ass. And stop trying to get us to let you in the cars of the ride with it. If you rented the damned thing, you had to walk to the rental area. Thus, you can walk. Leave the fucking thing outside. And for fuck's sake, LEARN TO DRIVE THE FUCKING THINGS. I'm not kidding here, if you fuck up too much on those things, they will be taken from you, and you will not get a refund, or your deposit. And you might get kicked out, too. So fuck you, and learn to walk. You're only in one of those because you won't change your diet, anyway. And if you think we have no power over you in those, next time you piss someone off in one of them, see if you have trouble moving minutes later. There's a hidden switch on the ECVs they rent out there, and every cast member knows where they are. And when you have trouble, they can take your key to the rental zone, and report you for your reckless driving. So how about this: Play it safe, don't piss the cast members off. It's like Fight Club there. These people are unstable, and they will make your vacation miserable if you fuck with them.
I fucking hate tourists. Luckily, I was smart enough to get out of the tourist industry. That's right, I no longer work there. But I still hate tourists.
User Reviews
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2005-12-04 17:24:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I still think the asshole that snuck a baby on Space Mountain was the worst. And then he tried to sue Disney when child services came after him for hiding a baby under his coat to go on a roller coaster.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-11-28 18:44:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The only way I would even consider setting foot in Disneyland is if I was tasked by jesus himself to hunt and kill mickey, pluto and those bitch chipmunks before dancing a jig on a mound made of their intestines.
It's a bad place. I don't like it.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-28 18:28:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good rant, now don't post so much
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-11-26 19:10:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
uh huh
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-11-25 18:37:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Take a chill pill baby
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-11-25 18:28:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2005-11-25 16:22:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
*Walt Disney comes out of a cryogenic tube*
Disney: "Are the Jews gone yet?"
Scientist: "Uh, no..."
Disney: "Put me back in."
===
haha
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-25 17:28:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You sound stressed, frank. Perhaps you'd better go eat a dick and relax.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-11-25 16:34:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I ever run a place like that, I'll be more honest. "Always pretend that the customer is right so that they'll come back and give us more money."
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2005-11-25 16:22:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*Walt Disney comes out of a cryogenic tube*
Disney: "Are the Jews gone yet?"
Scientist: "Uh, no..."
Disney: "Put me back in."
Submitted by Walker (user info) at 2005-11-25 15:39:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh and for the record... I LOVE fucking tourists... daily
Submitted by Walker (user info) at 2005-11-25 15:37:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What about the whole 'customer is always right' policy?
Gotta love spandex! Yummy!
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-11-25 15:13:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Listen Mickey, just because you're pissed off at the little girl grabbing your gigantic mouse ears doesn't mean you need to take it out on the rest of the world. Just tie her up and leave her for dead in a maintenance shack next time and perhaps you won't feel the need to bore us to the point of tears with your shenanigan-laden story. God damned selfish prick.
I killed and raped Walt Disney.....in that order.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-11-25 15:06:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Go fuck some flowers.
Submitted by frank_cushion (user info) at 2005-11-25 14:54:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, the prices ARE high...But don't tell me tourists are powerless in this situation. I mean hell, if you think it's too much to pay, then why go? Obviously, it's WORTH $60 to you to get in. Otherwise you wouldn't be there.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2005-11-25 14:48:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can only sympathise.
I'm from Scotland, do you know how MANY fat, ignorant redneck fuckwit Americans we get over here?
"Oh yeah, my family are originally from Scotchland!"
"Aye? What clan"
"Wachowski"
Get the FUCK out my country and never darken our glens again.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-11-25 14:44:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My Aunt is the Queen of the middle of the road picture.
Seriously. She sees a cool building? Park RIGHT THERE, step out, quick picture, back in and drive away like it was nothing...
Scares the shit out of her kids on vacation.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-11-25 14:30:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Listen Frank, not to be an asshole here or anything, BUT, for $60 a ticket, per person, just to get in the door I am going to expect you to tongue my asshole a little bit should I request it. Yeah, I'm a tourist. Fuck you. Service me.
Sounds like you got out of there just in time. Nobody with even an ounce of self respect should live with the job title of "Cast Member."
But let's keep in mind, the fact that YOU have self respect only means that YOU shouldn't have been working there. It has no bearing on my treating you like shit if you do.
Submitted by Unbound (user info) at 2005-11-25 14:27:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
tourists suck. Thats why I will never be one & just spend my whole life at home.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-11-25 14:15:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate tourists too.
But I want to go to Montreal and act like an idiotic, asshole American in front of Caulaincourt, just because I want to see him turn red. I'll shout something like, "MY GOLLY THEY SURE DO TALK FUNNY ROUND HERE!" And, "LOOKY AT THEM BUILDINGS!!"
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-11-25 14:09:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's another one.
"I fucking hate tourists."
I fucking hate everyone.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-11-25 14:06:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Nope, we just built this obstacle course for you to fuck around on all day."
hahahaha
Same thing happens on my construction sites.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-11-25 14:02:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-11-25 13:59:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
p.s. I hate tourists too.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-11-25 13:59:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"No speaky the English-o."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH