Chuck Norris Vrs Steven Seagal (2808 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.25 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lance Peterson <alumnibusinessmail.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-11-25 23:34:21 EST
User Reviews
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-03-26 22:48:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by little_ralph (user info) at 2006-03-12 22:55:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2005-11-26 15:22:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Got the Chuck Norris stuff in an email last week. -2 for plagiarism and unoriginality. Die, your fucktard.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-11-26 14:35:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You didn't mention Under Seige! Bastard.
Submitted by Draqus (user info) at 2005-11-26 13:50:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
A bit naff.
Actually, no. This was bullshit. Give up.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2005-11-26 08:46:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
no, not even close to how funny this could have been
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-26 08:34:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Gy vs. Gayer.
Don't even try and rip off nitty's series, asshole.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-11-26 08:21:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-1 for first post
-1 for not citing your source on the Chuck Norris facts
And I am sure this is not the original list either, but it was the first I found
http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-26 06:44:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
enraged baboon again
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-11-26 06:19:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
silly
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-11-26 04:16:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
-2 first post
+2 effort+my cousin looks like steven seagal
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-11-26 01:48:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
two vertically challenged punks who play pretend
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2005-11-26 01:47:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/72667
Plus 2 for my format. yeah....i just realised how good a lubricant mustard can be!!!
time to jag ov bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-11-26 01:39:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stole 'em? I don't care. I laughed my ass off.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2005-11-26 01:20:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If there were a plus 3, I would use it.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-11-26 01:12:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
these jokes are old and busted
Submitted by Wallstreet (user info) at 2005-11-26 00:42:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
perfection
Submitted by yeahthatme (user info) at 2005-11-25 23:53:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please."
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change.
Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.
Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-25 23:50:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Between the two, they probably have 5-6 good movies
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-11-25 23:44:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Chuck Norris rocks but
enraged_babboon randomness is rather tired
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2005-11-25 23:39:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
God damn. The two worst actors of all time.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-11-25 23:38:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy hell.
That's hilarious.