My First Time Being Cock-Blocked By A Dryer (1770 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.61 on 55 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lechuga (View user info) at 2005-11-28 12:01:00 EST
The second week of September is a big laundry week in my building; because lazy people like me wait to do their laundry for a couple weeks after getting here from summer break. Since I'm a nocturnal asshole, I decided to start my laundry, which probably takes about two total hours, at 1:00 in the morning.
I took the long walk of laundry shame down my hallway to the laundry room to find it empty, except for a few spinning washers and dryers. I put all of my clothes into an open washer and started to read my Biology textbook. I got lost in the stupidly complicated explanations of cancer cells and RNA polymerase transcription, and by the time I knew it, my washer had finished.
I put everything into a dryer across the room, and took a seat on top of it. What? Guys like warm vibrating things too. A cute girl walked in and started to put her clothes into one of the washers, and started to fumble with the UCard machine to start the washer.
(Little background on what a UCard is: It's your student ID, but it also acts as a pay-as-you-go debit card. I use my credit card to put money on it, and swipe it through the UCard machine to pay for Laundry, food, soda, etc. The Godless Heathens that run UMass are too stupid to put in a quarter machine, yet design an elaborate debit card system to pay $1.25 to do your laundry.)
She asked me how to do it, and I showed her quickly and then went back to reading. I'm a guy, but picking girls up in a laundry room is just weird. She nervously asked me, "Hey, aren't you in my Bio 106 class?" I said yes, and we began talking about the previous day's test, she asked me to explain certain things, and eventually the conversation turned to more pleasant topics. She and I were talking about things we like to do for fun back home, and I told her about all the antics my friends and I used to do back in high school.
We were laughing and hitting it off, having fun laughing about stupid shit and not particularly caring we were in a laundry room in a dungeon of a basement. The time came where she needed to transfer her clothes from a washer to a dryer, and you have that awkward moment where you get to see the other person's, um, "unmentionables," as my grandmother likes to call it. I snuck a look at her bent over the washer, and then went back to reading my book.
My dryer finished, and before opening it, she asked me if I wanted to watch a movie up in her room, because her roommate was gone. If you're a guy, you know that "Straight-up-Slut" just asked you to bang her like a screen door in a hurricane. Either that, or come up to watch a movie.
"Sure, I'll plug you in the ass," I said. But what I really said was just "Sure, sounds good. I'll fold shit while your dryer finishes." Since the dryer door opens away from her, she had full view of the inside of my dryer. I don't particularly care if some random people see my boxer shorts, it's not like I have Alan Alda on them or anything.
The dryer door opens, and three silky/lacy thongs drop out of the front of it. I was just as shocked as she was, and I was going to say something like, "How did last Saturday's laundry get in there!" I figured she would understand that they were left in there, but she was horrified.
"You're sick, stealing girl's underwear. Gross!" She walked out of the room, leaving me there, deciding weather or not to be shocked at losing an opportunity to have hot lovins with a cute girl, or the fact that I had thongs in my laundry. I mean, I'm up for wearing all kinds of women's clothing, but I don't share it with people.
I decided the bigger shock was losing the opportunity to have sex with someone who's name I didn't even know, but I was still pissed at the fact that some bitch didn't clean out the dryer when she was done with it. Sure, the dryers are cavernous beasts, but you can still spin them with your hand to make sure that everything is out of them.
Luckily, I haven't seen her since, and no one has called me a cross dresser, or a tranny, or man-who-steals-thongs-but-really-doesn't-because-they're-left-in-your-dryer-man. It didn't get back to anyone know, so maybe I won't have to have her "taken care of."
What a way to start my fall semester.
User Reviews
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-12-26 20:17:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My dad just saw the title of this post after i hurriedly scrolled up from that picture
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2005-12-26 20:16:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
why do you wear girls underwear again?
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2005-12-26 20:00:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
woo
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-12-06 06:42:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice post, assbag.
Submitted by GaidinCanuck (user info) at 2005-12-01 03:36:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
That pic is pretty hot, but I don't buy the ending.
Submitted by XII (user info) at 2005-12-01 02:43:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Narnia??
Submitted by Call911 (user info) at 2005-11-30 11:30:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was going to be +1... but that picture put you over the top.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-11-30 11:00:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh Katie, I love you but. . . What?
It's okay that you have wet dreams about me. We'll talk about this later.
Submitted by Cryslynn1 (user info) at 2005-11-30 10:59:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha. Your situation must have sucked. Umm....why is the dryer eating that chick?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-11-30 10:36:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had this crazy dream about you last night. Maybe it was because we spoke yesterday and you were in my subconscious mind. You were driving around with me in Connecticut. I was driving and you were drunk trying to give me directions to your house but you were incoherent and babbling on and on about some random Dinosaur facts. Then you pulled out fossils from your pocket and we were in a biology classroom and you were the professor teaching Physics. After class we got a beer. How dare you drink alcohol with your students?!...Interesting dream huh?
Good post J.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-11-29 22:16:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ouch. that hurts man.
when i was travelling i always did a quick reach in to make sure nothing was in there.
good times.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-11-29 11:31:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Classic Uber writing.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-11-29 10:22:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-11-29 09:55:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
She left you with her laundry knowing you were a panty thief? You should have taken out All of her unmentionables and shoved em in another dryer.
-------------------
and wank with at least one bra and one pair of whatever looks cutest.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2005-11-29 10:07:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i pitty the fool,
but, you did keep em right?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-11-29 09:55:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She left you with her laundry knowing you were a panty thief? You should have taken out All of her unmentionables and shoved em in another dryer.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-29 08:29:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss college.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-11-29 08:16:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-11-29 07:28:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Sure, I'll plug you in the ass," I said. But what I really said was just "Sure, sounds good. I'll fold shit while your dryer finishes."
________________________________
If I copied ALL my favorite quotes I'd be quoting the whole post.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-11-29 07:14:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thong, th-thong thong thong!!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-11-29 07:14:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
At least you have three new thongs to show for it.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-11-29 00:13:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cock-blocked by the soda vending machine.
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-11-28 21:26:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-11-28 15:57:58 (#)
Ranking: 1
Heh.
Next thing you know, you'll be getting cock-blocked by the RA.
==========
He lives with his RA. No cock-blocking thus far.
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-11-28 21:25:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:13:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:10:26 (#)
Ranking: 0
So this means Krissi's out of the picture? We need Shlongy to tell us who won that pool.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
No Krissi's not out of the picture, if you read the first line of the post, you will see that this happened in the second week of September, and I've been too lazy to write about it until now. Krissi's not out of the picture. When this happened I hadn't even met her yet.
=========================
Yea, if I had missed that line when I read it, I'd probably be pissed.
Good job, hunny.
Though, by September, we at least talked. Just hadn't gotten together.
+2 for the dryer that's made me a happy girl! :)
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2005-11-28 21:05:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Send that chicks pussy to Virginia Tech, I'll show her a fucked up good time!
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-11-28 16:09:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha a "big laundry week": wild.
now to read the rest.
Submitted by Walker (user info) at 2005-11-28 15:58:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude! Thats really sucks... Hope you have better luck next time. Makes for great short film material!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-11-28 15:57:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Heh.
Next thing you know, you'll be getting cock-blocked by the RA.
Submitted by GDR (user info) at 2005-11-28 15:27:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-11-28 14:52:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:39:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
dear god that's a hot picture
And that blows. That, my friend, is why you always need to keep a fresh rag of chloroform handy. What were you thinking?
-------------------------
oh for heaven sakes it's college, just get her drunk.
Submitted by BananaPhone (user info) at 2005-11-28 14:40:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"bang her like a screen door in a hurricane"
BWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAH!
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-11-28 14:18:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Try my favorite line.....
While coming torward her with a napkin, say..."Does this smell like Ether?"
Gets 'em everytime.
They think it is funny until they realize the answer is ye....
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2005-11-28 13:16:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny.
A friend of mine who went to UMass a decade before you said that the washing machines took quarters at the time, but they could get around it by using Necco Wafers, which would just discintegrate (sp?) into powdery dust by the time they came around to collect the quarters.
So, there ya go. Why you need a UCard to do your damn laundry.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-28 13:04:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fortunately, you picked up some good jack-off material there, so it wasn't a total loss.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-11-28 13:04:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was good. What a bitch though to assume you're a panty-sniffer. Well you show her! Take hers! =)
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:59:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah this is fake. I'm just being asked to believe too much to make it real.
Submitted by rayrayshanaynay (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:49:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's a shame.
Submitted by Smack_Fuck (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:44:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think you made this up or exagerated, her reaction was sit-com levels of over the top.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:39:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dear god that's a hot picture
And that blows. That, my friend, is why you always need to keep a fresh rag of chloroform handy. What were you thinking?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:38:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I apologize for not keeping track of the latest Uber hookup debacle.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Owned.
Nice ass shot though.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:25:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
amusing
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:22:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Although I'm sure this was loosely based on a true story, you embellished a little bit too much.
3 thongs, which you didn't see before putting your laundry in the machine, coincidentally found their way to the front and fell out at exactly the same time. And the thongs were the only thing which fell out.
Usually I don't care whether a story is true or not, but this seemed a little too exaggerated to be plus 2 worthy.
Submitted by el_em_en_oh (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:21:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
-1 for not throwing her up on the dryer and closing the deal right then and there
+3 for gratuitous ass shot
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:17:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a grudge against dryers. An old post of mine on the hot beastly machine: http://www.ubersite.com/m/64605
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:13:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:10:26 (#)
Ranking: 0
So this means Krissi's out of the picture? We need Shlongy to tell us who won that pool.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
No Krissi's not out of the picture, if you read the first line of the post, you will see that this happened in the second week of September, and I've been too lazy to write about it until now. Krissi's not out of the picture. When this happened I hadn't even met her yet.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:10:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So this means Krissi's out of the picture? We need Shlongy to tell us who won that pool.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:07:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:07:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think the question is if he is wearing them.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:06:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She's awfully judgmental for a tramp who picks up boys in communal laundry rooms.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:06:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Getting cock blocked sucks no matter what the reason
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:06:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You poor thing.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:06:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad.
Only a 1 for not closing the deal. Next time bang her on the spin cycle.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:05:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have that exact same rubbish bin in my kitchen, far out.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:05:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
you=0
machinery=1
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-11-28 12:03:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
question is... did you keep them?