Hereditary Murder - Part 2 (296 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.5 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Da MagnificAnt Dyldo <lordofduct.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-11-28 17:13:46 EST
It may seem this was posted in the same day, but this is not the same day for me. It is now 5 AM for me and part one was posted at 1 PM yesterday as I view it; I work graveyard.
Part 1 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/79905
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Wind rustled across the parking lot tossing autumn leaves around. A gothic sky sat low on the horizon threatening rain like it always does in New England. Purple clouds to the west hid the sun which hasn't been sighted since July when Chris got to come home for a week. Danny slugged across the car park remembering the good times they had at the reservoir or out at the train trestle. A genuine smile started to creep its way onto his face, but was shot away by the grimace Danny shot the sign which read, 'Middleton Mental Rehabilitation Center'. He jogged up the steps towards 'Pueblo' building while his mother screamed for him to slow down from behind.
Danny tapped lightly on the big steel door and waited. It took until his mother caught up for the nurse to show her face in the window. A loud scratchy noise came across a speaker mounted to the right of the door and followed by muffled words.
"Why Ms. Dircman. Here to see Chris are we? Just like usual, every Tuesday, come in... come in." The door creeps open and the screams became audible. The screaming stopped suddenly and Danny stared in through the door to meet eyes with twenty or so children peeping their heads out from around their dorm room doors.
Danny and his mother strolled in and up to the reception desk to sign in. Quiet whispers came from every direction. Murmurs of interest and intrigue in who has visitors this time. What kind of mischievous behavior may come out of this visit?
"I'm sorry Ms. Dircman, but this visit may have to be short today. Your son Chris seems to of just gotten into a bit of trouble."
"I'm sorry?" Danny's mother's voice lowered a bit with a hint of anger and concern. Down the hall a man backed out of Chris's room dragging the 8 year old by his legs. Screams of terror lit up the entire building with fear and all the children began getting antsy and jumpy in their rooms. Danny watched on as children reaffirmed Chris's actions of violence as Chris came full body out of the room holding a smaller child in his arms. His mouth was buried deep in the childs neck and a death grip held onto the boys bloody arms.
"You see Trevor stole Christopher's movie and..."
"You put that boy down right away!" The prideful mother threw the sign in sheet at the nurse and trucked down the hall toward the two male nurses manhandling Chris and Trevor. "Chris honey, put down Trevor and lets talk about this... Nurse I told you to let go of that boy so help me God!"
Chris looked up at his mother and immediately let go of the little boy. "But ma, but... but. He broke Jesus Christ Super Star." Chris began to pull what was left of the magnetic tape from his pockets. "Jesus Christ Super Star." He then started at Trevor again and wrapping it around the kid's neck. The nurses dove at Chris, but not in time. Mother bear had scooped him up tearing him from his death grip on Trevor.
"Hush baby; it's OK. We can get another videotape, so hush." She rocked him in her arms, tears ran from her eyes and mascara dripped onto her little boys forehead.
"But... but. Jesus Christ... Danny!" Chris tore from his mother's arm and ran towards Danny with the nurses short at tail. He merely made it to Danny's arms for a hug when the nurses snapped him up and dragged him balling back to the 'room'. It sat at the end of the long hall which made up this building. The walls were cinder blocks painted toap with a sea green ceiling. The only thing that sat in this room was the contraption that not even a nightmare could conjure. It was a green cloth bag with an opening on one end, six bars criss-crossed each other along the inside edges and it was just big enough to fit a medium sized child. When placed in it if one were to move their leg, arm or even a finger the bars would move with them crushing their body.
'The Green Burrito' it had been nicknamed by all.
"You bring my son back right this minute!"
"Ma'am your son is sick, he's violent and suicidal; this is for his own good." The nurse from the reception desk approached Danny's mother's side.
"You think I don't know what is wrong with my son. I pay you what little money I have so you can torture my son? No, no, you let my son go right this minute. I did not drive 3 hours to not even see my son!" She turned away from the woman and walked towards Danny. "I'm sorry Danny, but these people don't think a little love! and fucking compassion! is going to help your brother... I'm sorry, we have to go now."
Danny stood in the middle of the hallway his arms still open and ready for his brother's hug. He didn't even hear his mother; all he heard was Chris crying his name through 3 inches of steel.
That night the nightmare was to begin. A nightmare Danny would suffer randomly through out his days. It all begins with Chris asking his mother about death and showing his great interest in it; from there evolving into the massacre of his family. A murder contrived so innocently that the nightmare only induces vomit. Years pass while Danny dreams day and night the same fear over and over. It drives him to drugs and sex, school becomes a minor pass time, friends become mere reminders that it still hasn't happend and life just drags. When is it going to happen he would wonder.
User Reviews
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2005-12-19 19:47:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
increadible descriptions of the institution
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-12-03 23:12:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll keep reading.
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-11-29 00:14:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I really did throw that last paragraph in there at the last moment... I should of thought it over first.
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-11-29 00:12:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-11-28 22:33:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Good effort, I think. But it's not as good as the first installment, this one felt kind of rushed. The segway at the end that I guess will lead into the latter part of his life was much too fast. Building the pathos a little more carefully and at a slower pace would have made it much better for me.
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Yeah, I know what you mean. It does actually feel a little rushed. I started writing part 3 and I think I'm gonna slow it back down... I wrote this just when I woke up and I think my state of mind was making everything move fast. Atleast I fixed up the grammar over the first part.
A Goth kids dream? (to the other fellow) Is it only these stupid Gothic freaks and Emo's that can do anything bleak or something? Sorry if my set up to the plot seems the emo, but you know when the topic of murder is the plot I have to form something to motivate the climax. Most crimes have motives... murder just happens to be bleak... oh and don't worry, it's not going that cliche way you may be thinking it is. Revenge of the loser my ass.
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2005-11-28 22:48:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
a goth kids dream....
quit encouraging them
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-11-28 22:33:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good effort, I think. But it's not as good as the first installment, this one felt kind of rushed. The segway at the end that I guess will lead into the latter part of his life was much too fast. Building the pathos a little more carefully and at a slower pace would have made it much better for me.