Hello, I was almost kicked out of school for plagerizing. (1098 hits)
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Submitted by AlahAckbar (View user info) at 2005-11-29 00:08:12 EST
So I'm taking a creative writing course. I didn't really WANT to take the course, as I feel I am intelligent enough to NOT need an introduction to Creative Writing, being that I had an introduction to creative writing in 9th grade English, and I have yet to drink enough drain-o that my brain won't remember back that far. At least not yet.
As I was saying: I'm taking a creative writing course. I didn't want to take the course, but was forced to due to numerous reasons, being (in no particular order):
1) I needed 1 more credit hour in order to be considered a "full time" student: Never mind the fact that I had a total of 5 classes, being two anatomy classes, 1 introduction to respiratory therapy class, and two lab classes. Of course, the number of classes doesn't matter, it's how much they are worth, and in MY school, labs get you 0 credits.
2) I didn't want to do anything hard. I could have taken a gym class, but then I would have to get off my fat ass and actually do something. I'm American, therefore lazy at heart, and so that was just right out.
3) I wanted an excuse to buy a laptop, and an online course is a good excuse.
So I decided to take an online introduction to creative writing course. I told my English professor about my decision, and she said "That teacher is an f-ing moron. Your going to regret it. It's going to make you stupid. Your writing is much too good to be in a introductory class."
This from a 63 year old woman with a doctorate in English.
I ignored her, and took that class anyways.
If a 63 year old woman with a doctorate in English ever tells you that a fellow professor is a fucking moron, heed her advice.
Let me give you a rundown of how much I have written for this course:
Every week, we are expected to post one thing to the "bulletin board." This can be viewed by everyone taking the class. This part I'm ok with. However, the part I'm NOT so cool with is the fact that we are supposed to go through and offer criticism on other peoples work.
Here's the thing: I'm 100% certain that EACH AND EVERY SINGLE STUDENT is in a INTRODUCTION course, which means that they SHOULD have no clue about creative writing. I'm willing to bet there are people in this course similar to me: they like to write and have been writing for some time, but the chances of having 25 people be in the same position are slim to none.
"I don't have a problem with people not liking what I write. But if you have a criticism, and have LESS then an associate degree in English, how about you keep your fucking mouth shut?"
That was a direct post on the bulletin board of the class, in response to someone who said "I think it wasn't very good at all, and I think that you should change it here, here, here, and here."
Meanwhile, her post was about some stupid ass unicorn shit. Unicorns are only cool if you are 8, or are napoleon dynamite, and you are neither.
In addition to this "BB post" we have bi-weekly assignments. These assignments go something along the lines of this:
"Find 10 short stories on the internet, and post about what you find. Then, write a short story from page ### of your book, and try to incorporate what you learned from the stories."
Before I continue, I'd like to say something about that right there.
If the stories are on the internet, and... oh... I don't know... NOT PUBLISHED, maybe it's because THEY SUCK. Now, in all honesty, Not all writing on the internet sucks. I've always found the writing on Ubersite to be on the most part, quite good.
When I sat down to do the first assignment, the above words were running through my head. And so, after much thought (I am rather slow), I came up with a brilliant plan:
Ubersite was my writing webpage.
Then, when I sat down to write my first short story, I came to another great conclusion:
Ubersite was also where I put some of my best work, so why not just use my old work to fulfill the obligations of my class?
"Rock out with yer cock out, this class is going to be a breeze!" I thought to myself.
And so I did: I had to read around 100 stories (of course, I've read most of them, such as the Dano + Tom stories, etc. etc. etc.) and write responses to them. Of course, responses for this course couldn't be "-2 die", so I actually had to think about those, but for my "assignments" I was using ctrl-v ctrl-c quite a lot.
I found the proffessors responses to these posts to be rather hilarious. My favorite was how she said I was "really developing as a writer" on something I had written almost 2 years ago. This woman continuously does not do her job, as I have to wait sometimes up to A MONTH for her to "grade" something, and she only has 25 students. This is the only course she teaches. I still don't have grades for things I submitted 3 weeks ago. I wondered if this woman was ever going to get on the ball.
Apparently, she did.
I was taken to the deans office today by my Student Advisor (the head of the program I am in). I enter the office, he tells me to have a seat, and then introduces me to my Creative writing teacher. He says:
"It seems we have a problem with the writing you submitted to this class...." and with a flourish (I always wondered what a flourish was, but now I know.) he spun his computer monitor around and showed me a web page... you guessed it.
Good Ol' Ubersite.
The teacher glared at me, my student advisor shook his head, and the dean put on his "I'm very disappointed in you" face.
He stared a "plagiarism is a serious offense" while my student advisor backed him up with "Chris (my other professor) and I have to talk... we might kick you out of the program..." and other such threats.
I, however, cocked what I hoped was a "You're a stupid dumbshit" grin towards my creative writing teacher, and pulled my laptop. I opened it up, turned it on, and was waiting for it to connect to the schools wireless network when the dean said "what are you doing?"
"Waiting for my laptop to connect to the internet." I replied, watching my computer.
"Did you just hear what I said?" He asked.
The laptop picked up the connection, and I typed in the magical words.
"Uh... no. I actually started ignoring you when you said that "plagiarism is a serious offense." I said, cocking another smart assed grin.
He started to say something about how being a smart ass will not help me, and about how much trouble I was in, when I interrupted him.
"Listen. I'm 26 years old, 4 years in the army, etc. etc. etc. If you'd like to get someone to try and scare, I'll go grab one of the fresh from high school dumb asses who are running around this place like they own it. Here is a fact: I am NOT being kicked out of school, or out of the program." I said.
The dean sat for a moment, shocked and awe'd like an Iraqi after his house blows up.
"How do you figure?" he finally said flabbergasted.
"Because." I said, turning my laptop around, and setting it on his desk.
"I'm Alahackbar."
Throughout the next 20 minutes, I went through individual stories and incidences that basically proved I was me, from talking about how my son was born (a story I've told in to my student advisor), to showing some of the saved work I had transferred over to my laptop. It fully exonerated me.
I, apparently, am a free man. However, my creative writing "teacher" is going to fail me, because I was supposed to write "brand new" stories for her to review.
I have a meeting with the dean tomorrow, to discuss how much "reviewing" she has done to our papers (none). I'll also bring up the fact that she basis her grade not on how well or poorly we are doing, but on how many BB posts we make per week, which is strictly against the syllabus for the course. In addition, I'll show the dean how she forced us to buy her study guide, which she wrote (and thusly gets a percentage of the sale price), which she IMMEDIATELY forced us to tear out a page thus making us unable to sell it back. We have NOT touched this book ONCE throughout her entire course since orientation. In other words, I'm out 45 bucks for a book that I NEVER USED.
I'm fairly certain that with the additional help of a proper English teacher (that would be the one with the doctorate) reviewing my writing, I'll get a decent enough grade in the class once everything is done and over with, PLUS I'll get a refund from the college, PLUS I'll get a refund for the book, and last, but definitely NOT least:
I'LL GET THE BITCH FIRED.
She said she was going to come to ubersite and show me how writing is done. That's fine. She'll have PLENTY of time to screw around on the internet after this semester.
She's kinda hot though. I'd do her.
But only in the pooper.
User Reviews
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2005-12-08 17:10:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Everyone thought I was fetish? when was this? Was that the uber detective post?
Where is fetish? I've been getting WAY to good of rankings without him -2ing me with 15 different alters. I actually am starting to think I'm a decent human being without him around.
I'm sure that's just a phase though.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-12-08 00:36:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey man, remember when everyone thought you were fetish and i did that post on it? seems like you run into mistaken identities a lot... also, i think mynameistim had a similar thing happen to him, but i'm not sure.
either way, good to see your back.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-12-08 00:25:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is why I don't post my stories on uber anymore.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-12-08 00:02:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Same thing happened to my mommy when she was in college. Some cunt teacher (what she did is so unintelligent that she doesn't deserve the title "professor") figured that because her hpaper had big words in it, it had to be plagarized. So she dragged my mom into her office for a while and made her define each of the "questionable" words that no student could POSSIBLY know.
Ever since hearing about that teacher, I've debated on just about every paper whether or not to dumb down my word choice.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2005-12-07 23:56:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, so your registration date. Hard to be an alter for someone who registers aroudn 2 years after you, huh?
My bad.
Submitted by erinly (user info) at 2005-12-07 23:41:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Not an alter.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2005-12-07 23:30:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Also aussie, Thanks for the retalitory -2. It's been a while, and I wasn't sure if I still had what it takes to get those.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2005-12-07 23:28:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't worry Williamson:
I don't think she's australian. I think she's american and only WISHES she were australian.
I wish I was australian. Then I could live in a country in which nascar isn't the most watched motorsport.
It's quite exciting. Let me break it down for you.
Left turn. Left turn. Left turn. Left turn. Left Turn. Left Turn. Left Turn. Left Turn.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-12-07 23:24:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AUSSIE_CHICK (user info) at 2005-12-07 23:08:58 (#)
Ranking: -2
you're in a creative writing course, in a college, none-the-less, and you can't spell?!? E.g. absolutely-not however the fuck you were spelling it
unfortunately-not however the fuck you were spelling it
and also whatever the fuck else you spelt wrong.
-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Stop making us Australians look bad.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2005-12-07 23:22:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bubba:
I'm horrible with that kind of stuff.
Aussie: here's an idea: write something that gets a positive rating and I might be attention to you.
Erin: Your kidding right? Aussie's alter much? No, not to much.
But MUCH to much.
Submitted by erinly (user info) at 2005-12-07 23:14:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Too bad the American education system sucks.
Submitted by AUSSIE_CHICK (user info) at 2005-12-07 23:08:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you're in a creative writing course, in a college, none-the-less, and you can't spell?!? E.g. absolutely-not however the fuck you were spelling it
unfortunately-not however the fuck you were spelling it
and also whatever the fuck else you spelt wrong.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-12-07 22:40:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Your and you're is not so bad, but the difference between "then" and "than"
is inexcusable. I paid good money for my English degree. . .
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2005-11-29 22:37:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Alah is on FIRRRRRREEEEEEE.
I went to the dean today, showing him my writing, showing him what she has us doing in the class (he was kind enough to point out that there were several other parts in the class sylabus that were either completly ignored or changed after the class started, which is a no no). He also informed me that she is NOT on tenure, and she will be "getting spoken to" about how she runs her class.
Unfortunitly, no firing.
I spoke to him about how she is failing me for "not writing new works" and brought up the point that having to use new writing is not in the sylabus in the grading portion, and he agreed.
Of course, that doesn't make it so she has to pass me: she could give all my writing horrible grades for whatever reason. I mentioned this and he agreed, and I asked if another professor could grade them and then he could take a look at the results and compare them, possibly take it up with the head of the english department or the board or whatever. He said he would see what he could do.
So I went to my former english proffesor with the doctorate, and she is looking over my stuff and will grade it, and if neccessary, I'll get the grades from her.
Oh, yeah: I'm HORRIBLE with the your you're thing. absolutly horrible with it. I was getting better, but I've apparently gotten worse.
Sorry aboot that.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:59:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow, two posts for 2005, you're on fire dude!
Good to see you back, and tell that bitch to start writing here - I'll punch her uterus so hard her ovaries will pop out her nose.
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2005-11-29 13:39:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
how satisfied you must be.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-11-29 13:01:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for you and my line, its made me so proud, gone places I never imagined. I've heard that someone carved it into the top of Mt. Everest. Honest.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-11-29 11:41:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-11-29 07:48:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Is her name Carol Richards?
---------------------------
DIE FOR MENTIONING THAT GOD-FORSAKEN NAME!
Submitted by Sofa_Ace (user info) at 2005-11-29 11:32:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had a Poli-Sci class with a bush-supporter/lover/fag. He failed one of my papers comparing the Clinton admin. to the Bush Admin. because it made Bush look like a fucking moron (not exactly hard to do). He calimed I had plagiarized because I did not cite common knowledge, even though I had numerous quotes and paraphrases in the report.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-11-29 11:28:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not true.
But still good.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-11-29 11:17:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-11-29 09:01:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-11-29 08:55:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats pretty good. But remember teachers get tenure. Once they get tenure it's extremely hard to get them fired. I had a teacher who told me "Mexican's are strong because they are used to swimming across the Gulf" and "What do you mean Xia-Yang? Your chinese. Why the hell aren't you in the ping pong club?" (not that I am Xia-yang) and I couldn't get her fired because of fucking tenure.
----
Most that are teaching intro classes don't have tenure. That's what adjuncts and GA's are for.
Of course, you call them "teachers" so you're still in high school.
----
Sorry man thats wrong. I'm out of highschool. I'm in limbo between highschool and college while working.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-11-29 11:07:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rock-on.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-11-29 11:02:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
reason 4981613 school sucks.
were you infantry? cuz infantry boys like doing chicks in the butt...
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-11-29 10:43:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-11-29 00:16:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear MOTHER FUCKING NEWBIE,
Write better shit or die
Love,
Method
-------------------------------------
Plagarism is a serious offense Method. Didn't you even read the post?
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-11-29 10:40:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh, I had to go bak and check that you were the tard I thought I remembered, and you are but a lot of your posts are good.
If you want my advice (and Im sure you don't) don't write about politics, its not that your views are different to mine, its that your views are just plain stupid.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-11-29 10:02:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Post your link to the class' BBS and let the whole of uber into it.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-29 09:19:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Of course, responses for this course couldn't be "-2 die", so I actually had to think about those"
------------------
That line gave me an extra chuckle for some reason....
And I think I know who your teacher is...I think everyone does now: wait, actually I refuse to linkwhore that. It's the "Intro to a Real Woman" post.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-11-29 09:01:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-11-29 08:55:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats pretty good. But remember teachers get tenure. Once they get tenure it's extremely hard to get them fired. I had a teacher who told me "Mexican's are strong because they are used to swimming across the Gulf" and "What do you mean Xia-Yang? Your chinese. Why the hell aren't you in the ping pong club?" (not that I am Xia-yang) and I couldn't get her fired because of fucking tenure.
----
Most that are teaching intro classes don't have tenure. That's what adjuncts and GA's are for.
Of course, you call them "teachers" so you're still in high school.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-11-29 08:55:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats pretty good. But remember teachers get tenure. Once they get tenure it's extremely hard to get them fired. I had a teacher who told me "Mexican's are strong because they are used to swimming across the Gulf" and "What do you mean Xia-Yang? Your chinese. Why the hell aren't you in the ping pong club?" (not that I am Xia-yang) and I couldn't get her fired because of fucking tenure.
Submitted by stardamage (user info) at 2005-11-29 08:46:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The other one was TimeCop, wasn't it?
Keep us updated!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-29 08:34:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I don't believe this for one second.
And since it's fiction, it's also not any good.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-11-29 08:00:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-11-29 07:48:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is her name Carol Richards?
Submitted by Walker (user info) at 2005-11-29 04:52:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Those who can't teach, teach P.E.
Submitted by crazyaardvark (user info) at 2005-11-29 03:39:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've just finished an English degree and my minor was in Creative Writing. There certainly are a lot of shithouse tutors around.
Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2005-11-29 03:10:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't this happen to someone else? Argh.....eggh...oh who the fuck was it?
I want to say Danger_Ranger but I'm not convinced.
His lecturer was using his ubersite stuff and saying he'd written it. WHO WAS IT?????
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-11-29 02:39:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"Your going to regret it."
Heehee, hoohoo, haha, oh my.
You're, your, don't brag too much until you've got it right.
Submitted by dangerdude (user info) at 2005-11-29 02:30:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Techinaclly, you should be failed for not writing new material for the class, but definatly your situation was hilarious. +2 for making your dean look like a moron
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-11-29 01:46:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I was using ctrl-v ctrl-c quite a lot."
Uh... paste, THEN copy?
anywho, good post.
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-11-29 01:18:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHA... mix up with the back buttons and stuff and I posted your comment on my post.
So here it is in the proper place.
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-11-29 01:09:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
hee hee
A friend of mine just got smacked with the plagiarism charge. She wrote a paper on hinduism and she didn't cite common knowledge information in her paper. When did people start citing common knowledge information?
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2005-11-29 00:50:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's about time someone said something about doing someone in the pooper. Huzzah for Sodomy!
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2005-11-29 00:50:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Method beat me to it. Nice to see you back.
Submitted by bonnee (user info) at 2005-11-29 00:18:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
tell her to fuck off
i told a professor to fuck off and got an A
stupid fucking hippie bitch
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-11-29 00:16:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear MOTHER FUCKING NEWBIE,
Write better shit or die
Love,
Method
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-11-29 00:16:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
anyways
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2005-11-29 00:12:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for spelling error in title.
"But MARGE! Everytime I learn something new I forget something I knew how to do! Like that time I took that wine making class and I forgot how to drive?"
"Homer, you were drunk!"
".....and how."