Scotland:The Continuing Story (813 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.34 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The_taste_of_monkeys (View user info) at 2005-11-29 13:58:37 EST
Inspired by/Stolen From http://www.ubersite.com/m/52239 Cheers Mike
People still dont seem to give a flying rats ass aboot their country of origin and who could blame them? If YOU had caught a flying rat would you remove its buttocks for your people or would you go on TV and make riches and booty(of the Pirate kind) but I digress.
Why dont people care? Because they're French and therefore come from the arsehole of the World? that only applies to the French Im afraid. Because our world leaders are a bunch of fucking idiots? Only applies to America...and France.
No, I tell you why people couldnt care less aboot their country, because it isnt Scotland is why.
Does YOUR national dress consist of
1. A skirt so that you have an excuse to attack people when they mock you?
2.A concealed weapon so when they do mock you you can give them a second smile?
No, it doesent and thats because youre not Scottish...unless you are, in which case FIT LIKE MIN?!
Here are additional Scottish facts!
1.Scotland is STILL not England
When you say England and mean Britain, we hate you. I am not English, no Scotsman will EVER consider himself English...except people from Edinburgh but then theyre...different.
We hate England. I'm not going to say it isnt personal because it fucking well is. However it was a Scottish king who combined the two parliments so TECHNICALLY its the United Kingdom of Awesome Scotland.
2.We Kick Ass...serious Ass
Forget Braveheart and most of the shite you see on TV, most o that didnt happen. What DID happen though was that while the rest of Europe was getting its ass handed to it (liteally and Figuritivly) by the Romans, we handed out a serious beat down to the spaghetti munchers. So much so they built a wall to keep us out. Thats right, we were the European equivelant of the fucking mongols! Rome=pwned
Even now walking into the wrong part of Glasgow will result in an axe in the face.
A sizeable proportion of the SAS are scottish despite the fact we only make up 10% of the population of the UK. So one of the most feared elite units on Earth is mostly Scotsman. They probably have to stun them to get the axes off them before they send them into a warzone.
Mega-City 1 is designed after Greenock. Thats right, fucking Judge Dredd is designed after a Scottish city/total shithole!
MON THEN!
3.The Proclaimers=Ultimate Hardasses
The Proclaimers only dress and sing like a pair of pricks to get into fights and we all know it.
Fool:"'ere, you guys look like fookin' Buddy Holly's poofy brothers"
The Proclaimers"Have at ye, ye radge"
Cue much screaming and hacking of axes.
The Bay City Rollers however were just pricks.
4.Our Women
Are ugly Harridans from the lowest pits of Hades...however we do sometimes throw up the occasional genetic freak that out-hots anything else youve got eg Gail Porter (tiny wee but hot as fuck...shame aboot the baldness), Charlene Spiteri of Texas-Hot, Kelly MacDonald-getting fucked in time to THAT Archie Gemmel goal=instant hotty legend....uh, thats aboot it. Hey, I never said we were PERFECT.
5.Me
I am 8 shades of awesomeness, Id take on Hitler, the four horseman of the apocalypse and fucking Megatron all before breakfast before seducing the Virgin Mary and throwing her pummeled meat out of bed.
All that and Id have more than enough time to travel through time, challenge Galvatron to a headbutting conquest(id win obviously) and kick the face off a weasel before time for jim-jams and bed.
I rule, end of.
In fact, I feel sorry for anyone who isnt as awesome as me and thats all of you, even Mike the Scottish.
PEACE,OUT YEH MINKS!
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-06 13:57:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GAIL PORTER HAS ALOPECIA
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-12-02 12:19:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shitty weather? Have you BEEN to Denmark or Norway or Finland? I have, six months of the year its mosquitoes and the other six months its dark and six feet of snow!"""
Sounds like my hometown. Only we have a longer winter. Still better than constant rain and fog.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2005-12-02 11:57:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
When you think about it, Britain is pretty much an island of bastardized Vikings who came and go after they were done pillaging and/or fed up of the shitty weather
Shitty weather? Have you BEEN to Denmark or Norway or Finland? I have, six months of the year its mosquitoes and the other six months its dark and six feet of snow!
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-01 16:50:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Scotland rocks.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-12-01 16:34:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The people who fought romans weren't even Scots. They weren't even fucking Picts yet. They were small dispersed tribes of Caledonians (next time why don't you associate yourself with cavemen?), that had small victories an Romans who viewed what is now Scotland as not viable. Basically, the Romans invaded the entire world and they decided that only you weren't worth the effort. If Canada was on the map at the time, they might have ignored us too though. Anyway, I wouldn't brag about that, much less say Rome=pwned. Also, if it wasn't for France and the Auld Alliance, your country would have been squashed miserably. Can you imagine if England attacked you with all the troops it had commited in the Hundred Years War? You were basically lucky because the only time a sizable force (Vikings) they ran over you like Hitler ran over Belgium just so they could get to England.
When you think about it, Britain is pretty much an island of bastardized Vikings who came and go after they were done pillaging and/or fed up of the shitty weather.
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2005-12-01 16:04:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Scottish people are funny and smelly and speak a different language.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-12-01 15:49:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-11-29 18:42:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha quite funny. I forgot, where are all the scots right now? I think MikeTheScottish goes to Glasgow Uni, doesn't he? I'm at Strathclyde now. Anyone else in good ole Glasgae?
-----
Aye, i'm at Glasgow Uni, as was TTOM until recently. Whereabouts in our fine city you at?
And TTOM: yer a theivin wee bam. But I forgive ya.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-30 10:34:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Our complete inability to advance as a race did not, however, prevent us from inventing Television and the phone and FUCKING PENICILLIN AND THUS STARTING THE WHOLE ANTIBIOTIC THING! Why would people be dying of cholera? Legionaires yes, but thats becuase of fucking poorly maintained air conditioning and its only olds that croak from that.
--------------
All those things where invented by Scotsmen living in England. Probably following charitable works by the Red Cross or similar to 'educate the savage'.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2005-11-30 10:14:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-30 05:36:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
The thing is though, I mean the fundamental thing, is that Scotlad is basically a third world country. I hear the people still die of cholera and legionairres disease there.
oh aye and the plague. People just drop dead in the streets and we have to let them just lie and rot because we're so backward that we haven't even discovered 'lifting things'let alone 'the wheel' as you more advanced peoples call it.
Our complete inability to advance as a race did not, however, prevent us from inventing Television and the phone and FUCKING PENICILLIN AND THUS STARTING THE WHOLE ANTIBIOTIC THING! Why would people be dying of cholera? Legionaires yes, but thats becuase of fucking poorly maintained air conditioning and its only olds that croak from that.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-30 05:36:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The thing is though, I mean the fundamental thing, is that Scotlad is basically a third world country. I hear the people still die of cholera and legionairres disease there.
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-11-29 18:42:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha quite funny. I forgot, where are all the scots right now? I think MikeTheScottish goes to Glasgow Uni, doesn't he? I'm at Strathclyde now. Anyone else in good ole Glasgae?
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:24:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:18:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
weedjie???
OH hell no! I'm a hardy nothern breed from deep in the grampian mountains, where we cook city folks and inbreed all the live long day.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:18:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
weedjie???
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:16:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
any country that invented deep-fried Mars bars is OK in my book!
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:05:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like farting in bed and then pulling the sheets over my head so I can bask in the smell of my farts.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2005-11-29 15:07:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
black pudding (which is a scab),
yes, yes it is. And like all scottish foods was invented to make us look hard in front of the other nations.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-29 14:54:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Scotland is a good country. You produce some good music, amusing foods (the battered Mars bars, black pudding (which is a scab), and haggic), hilarious goalkeepers (Neil Sullivan made David Beckham a legend - are you happy with that?).
This post was good.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-11-29 14:20:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hey, it doesn't bother me no one cares here at my place of work but I just mentioned it as a courtesy for others.
maybe you should just take the criticism and not fucking whine about it.
I'm pretty sure the rules are black and white for folks who have the NSFW troubles so your level or hardcore or not means fuck all.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2005-11-29 14:08:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-11-29 14:06:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
NSFW
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-11-29 14:01:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
repost with NSFW so folks don't get in trouble
yes, yes Im INCREDIBLY sorry.(bloody sarcasm does not work well in print) but its hardly fucking hardcore. An ass and no nipple and if your boss is looking THAT closely at the post youre probably in trouble already!
I just forgot is all
Submitted by el_em_en_oh (user info) at 2005-11-29 14:08:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking sheep-shaggin' bastages!
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-11-29 14:08:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh. Shut up cancer boy. All you turdfuckers are fit for is making booze, playing golf, and being Willy the groundskeeper.
And Alf Wight. Although, even he was, in fact, English, not Scotish.
AMERICA!!! FUCK YEAH!!!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-11-29 14:08:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And rememberrr...
If it isn't Scottish...
IT'S CRAP!
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-11-29 14:06:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
NSFW
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-11-29 14:01:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
repost with NSFW so folks don't get in trouble
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-11-29 14:01:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-11-29 14:00:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Needs more nipples.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-11-29 13:59:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no comment.
Go Coldstreamers.