My Life Has Been Changed Forever By Music (1181 hits)
Category: Politics -> LibertariansRating: 1.69 on 52 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (View user info) at 2005-11-29 15:29:19 EST
I got hit in the head by a boombox last weekend. Notice the sort of freelance style of apathy and toned down demeanor that I have resorted to? Because that would be amazing since I haven't even typed more than two sentences.
This musical box of boom that hit my temple was... it was really heavy and playing "The Sign" by Ace of Base, so horror ensued for all of those surrounding me. I don't know where it came from, or how it happened, but something has changed inside of my mind's eye. Maybe it was the fact that I was forced to relive my childhood through that crappy song, but my thought patterns are vibrating in a more non-obtrusive pattern than before. For the first time in my life, I think of myself as a rational and sane person, complete with sensible ideas and fantastic new stories to share with everyone! I am so happy to be alive, and I love each and every single one of you so, so SOOOOOOO much.
So now that my thoughts are more rational, more concrete, I'm imagining you guys would like to see a sample of my new writing style? Waddya say? Ready to be bored to tears by my over-abundance of adjectives and the inclusion of fairies and gay folklore? Cause that ain't gonna happen! I'm still interesting, I promise! Just give me a shot! WHAT THE FUCK I DON'T WANT A GODAMN VACCINATION FOR THE FLU!
That part of me is over. I will no longer make wild, caps-locked accusations that take a previous word out of context. It's just doesn't make any sense, and it's random. Random comedy has gone the way of the SUV and high-priced whores; it's just not respectable or entertaining anymore. Actually, since the accident, I find nothing humorous outside of my own, newly fine-tuned craft of humor which I will put on display sometime in 2008 when it will finally be accepted and understood as the genius that it is. -Hint- It involves jelly beans!
Until then, enjoy my new 634-part series entitled "The Journey Of My Satan-Worshipping Dog", scheduled to be finished and posted by tomorrow evening.
My dog is a spontaneous and obsessive poker player as most dogs are. His name is Lexmark and he eats coats and pencils for a living. He has a desk with a bunch of crazy stuff on it like, uh, sunglasses, two cups, a candle, some stamps, a bunch of opened envelopes, crack-cocaine, paper, rubber bands, a memo to watch for a check coming in from Sherri, a Lexmark printer, and uh, some pens. He really likes to.......oh there's a lamp as well and some change. A stapler, and what the fuck is this? Is that a compact disc or a coaster?
End Pt. 1
Okay, so that was just me naming off shit I see in my office. I bet you didn't know that until now. I thought writing straight-forward fiction would be easier than this? Oh well, I think I might have to try something else....
....
Mountain Poem #1
Oh shit, yeah that's a mountain
Rather look at that than a fountain
Does that mean that I hate running water
Yes, mountain mountain mountain
(Oh hell yes, I'm diggin it. I'm all scruffy and unkempt anyways. This might be my calling...)
Mountain Poem #2
Oooooo that smell
Can't you smell that smell
It's not Lynyrd Skynrd I know that
Because their lead singer has been dead for over two decades
Maybe it's a mountain
Mountain Poem #3
The best to you this time of cheer
May we rejoice and drink good beer
Your Uncle Jay's a little weird
And smells like month-old milk
(That actually had some rhythm to it! I HATE IT.)
Mountain Poem #4
Christians! Stand up and take back your right to celebrate Christmas in all it's glory! Wal-Marts across the country are trying to be P.C. as possible by saying happy holidays as opposed to merry Christmas. If you're family is anything like mine, where you celebrate Christmas but don't even really believe in one godamn word the bible says, but say you're a Christian just so you can get tons of free crap you really don't need, then you should be just as outraged. Fuck the ACLU, fuck rashashanah or whatever gibberish traditions non-christians (aka homosexuals) people celebrate. If you are a true Christian, then you will join me and tear down any flags, banners, or anything that says "Happy Holidays" on it. I don't care if the police take you to jail over it because who's right? Who's not going to burn in hell? That's right, YOU. DO YOUR PART AND APPLY FOR CAR INSURANCE TODAY ONLINE!
Mountain Poem #5
Hark, hark bo bark, banana-fana fo fark
You like eating sweet tarts
Faggot
This isn't working out too well. Maybe that boombox just gave me a seizure or something crazy? Wouldn't I remember a traumatic experience as such? Oh well, I guess I'm still dumb and crazy as ever. Maybe It made me a lot meaner, you know, like maybe now I want to write hateful things from here on out? I guess I just want something in my life to change, for something to happen to alter the way I think and feel.....you know? It's just that I get this feeling that I was meant to do more than be another mindless drone in the industry. I'm supposed to be a leader. A revolutionary.
.......
PSYCHE! I'm supposed to die overweight and alone by the age of 35 according to my parents! That is totally bitchin'.
User Reviews
Submitted by minimumdino (user info) at 2006-01-10 18:28:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2, -2, what you gonna do?
what you gonna do when they come for you?
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-12-02 00:07:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fuckin' glall, dude, when you sober up and get this, i think an ohio ubercon thing would be tight
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-11-30 14:22:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude.
Do.
NOT.
Tempt.
Him.
You kn
ow I'm
serious because of t
he spacing.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-11-30 09:20:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's it! I'm compiling a bible of all your posts and publishing them. I'll take the standard finder's fee of 98.7384% from the proceeds. That, or you can send me two dancing lemurs in short-pant tuxedos and an autographed picture of John Stamos (I know you have hundreds of them) and we'll call it even.
Seriously, I think you could shit on your keyboard and the resulting text would still be hilarious.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-11-30 00:30:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
IT'S LIKE THE SONGS HAD SEX AND PRODUCED A SONG CALLED 'DUDE LOOKS LIKE THE SIGN'
AND I DON'T LIKE IT ONE SINGLE SOLITARY BIT
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-11-30 00:29:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-29 22:04:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
I was hoping someone would get it stuck. Sorry it had to be you, LP. Try living with "Dude Looks Like A Lady" by Aerosmith for fifteen years of your life on a daily basis like me and see how that goes.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
NOW I'VE GOT 'THE SIGN' *AND* 'DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY' PLAYING IN MY HEAD AT THE SAME TIME ON TOP OF EACH OTHER
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-11-29 22:12:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-29 22:04:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I was hoping someone would get it stuck. Sorry it had to be you, LP. Try living with "Dude Looks Like A Lady" by Aerosmith for fifteen years of your life on a daily basis like me and see how that goes.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-11-29 20:58:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER I'VE ONLY READ THE FIRST LIKE FOUR SENTENCES OF YOUR FUCKING POST AND I'VE GOT MOTHERFUCKING ACE OF BASE STUCK IN MY HEAD NOW GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-11-29 19:19:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Its just that my posts dont seem complete without a rating from you man hehehe oh and i love chocolate cake.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-29 19:11:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm sorry saxon, i haven't been around computers much this whole month. I'll be sure to check out what's cooking in that crazy noggin' of yours.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-11-29 19:05:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehehehe number 5 for me and GLAL you might fetch a vision in leder-Hosen. and wtf havint you rated any of my posts lately <sniff> i feel so unloved.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-29 18:58:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
At any rate, I'll bring watermelon and leder-hosen. Things will be silly. And there's a good chance I'll kill at least two hookers.
------------------------------------------
How could someone ask for anything more?
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-11-29 18:47:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had a sneaking, and by sneaking I'm talking lieing on your belly Navy SEAL style while the unsuspecting Ugandan war lord finger bangs his wife, suspicion that Cleveland was not the only city in Ohio, but I wasn't going to take the chance of sounding pompous by claiming I knew of all the cities in Ohio, because I can't reveal everything to you on our first date.
Wait.
Fuck.
At any rate, I'll bring watermelon and leder-hosen. Things will be silly. And there's a good chance I'll kill at least two hookers.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-29 18:32:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh wardy, my sweet sweet wardy. I would never trick anyone into, stuff......I've never even lied before in my life. Look through my catalogue of posts, not one mis-direction or exaggeration of any sort.
Until today.
That one poem about the uncle, I didn't really hate it. It just sucked in my opinion.
And since when does Cleveland represent Ohio? This is a big state buddy, so stop with the assumptions that everyone on ubersite lives within twenty minutes of downtown. Regardless, I'll try and arrange something spectacular for all....well you'll be the only one there. I'll make sure fun is had!
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-11-29 18:15:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my girlfriend lives in cleveland, so if it works out with my winter break, i'm definitely down with an ohio ubercon thing what? is that tree staring at me? i think he's plotting me.
anyways, not sure if that was an open invite, but look, i just invited myself. now you have the uncomfortable situation of explaining to me how you were really just kidding and that you know all my darkest secrets.
i want to go home now.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-29 17:57:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah, I've been busy at work up until recently, that and I've been having a few persistent health problems so I'm still trying to work that out. Other than that I've just been trying to avoid your stupid ass as much as possible, T--t-t-t-t-t-t tittyfuckactin. Hey, my hot blonde friend said you're a really attractive male, loser! What a stupidface oh my god!
I just got my ticket Nerf. I'll probably be drunk and alone when I see you, so watch out for the bear hug.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-11-29 17:36:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just saw them a few weeks ago, it's a good show. Where you been at, man?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-29 17:27:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hey...I'm the first to admit that I have more VHS tapes than I do DVD's. I LOATHE change.
But on a plus note, I do have more CD's than I do 8-Track Tapes...so I got that goin' for me.
Which is nice.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-11-29 17:25:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yep. I'm a-goin' to the concert.
And perhaps the good ol' days shall rise again. Maybe.
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-11-29 17:03:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm drunk
+2
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-29 17:00:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you must have bought it while you were wasted and in your mid 40's, Shlong. Anyways, it's a VHS tape and last I checked your are a lazy s.o.b. who refuses to update technology. All signs point to YOU.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:56:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:31:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Mountain Poem #5
Hark, hark bo bark, banana-fana fo fark
You like eating sweet tarts
Faggot
AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
-----------------------
I'll second that with a BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:56:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Isn't that "On the darkside"? You must be singing the Star Wars version, Mr. Big Musician.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:53:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I kinda HATED Eddie and the Cruisers.
That fucking song...over and over..."To the dark side...waaaa waaaa weaaaahhhh"...and that guy from ESPN Billiard coverage...what's his fucking name....Mitch Lawrence - yeah, that's it- was a bad lip syncher. The band looked fake.
Kind of like your neurosis.
I love movies. But I tend to like GOOD ones.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:49:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:40:49 (#)
Ranking: 1
What the fuck are you talking about?
------------------------------------
Movies. You like movies Shlongy? Cause I got a movie about a loser band and it's called Eddie and The Cruisers and it's got your name ALL FUCKING OVER IT. In black marker.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:44:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Most amusing randomness I've ever seen.
You deserve a medal.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:40:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
What the fuck are you talking about?
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:40:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Right on, Hadley, we'll make it there someday.
....
Whoa. Seeing names like Snark and Sully, Nerf and Daniel, it feels like the good old days....you know.....when I saw these names more often.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:36:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol ur a karickter
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:35:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't read that wrong, Muffins, I'll be in my TJ jersey for that one.
Unfortunately, I spent far too much money on these tickets to go to the casino in the very near future. Maybe I'll make it my New Year's resolution.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:34:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:27:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey man, you know me. I'm a player hater of mass destruction.
And thanks for the offer, but I think I might be washing my hair that night....or starting the tailgating for the Cleveland Browns game that weekend. It's gonna be crazy, yo.
---------------------------------------------------
Fuck the Browns, Bengals for life. You ever change your mind about the casino, I'll be ready.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:31:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mountain Poem #5
Hark, hark bo bark, banana-fana fo fark
You like eating sweet tarts
Faggot
AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:27:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey man, you know me. I'm a player hater of mass destruction.
And thanks for the offer, but I think I might be washing my hair that night....or starting the tailgating for the Cleveland Browns game that weekend. It's gonna be crazy, yo.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:26:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked number 5 the best I think.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:25:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
awww come on Hadley, don't be a player hater of mass proportions man, if you want to go to this shindig just tell me and I'll buy you a ticket as well when I get back home.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:21:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Mike and Chris, all buddy buddy like, and no inclusion of me. I see how it is.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:08:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:04:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
I like farting in bed and then pulling the sheets over my head so I can bask in the smell of my farts.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
So did Hitler.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:07:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-11-29 15:58:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah. Tickets just went onsale a week or so ago. (And they're only $5 [plus a service charge])
It's at the Newport Music Hall.
--------------------------------------------------
I'll see if I can get tickets once I get home today.
Anyways, you plan on going to this as well Chris?
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-11-29 16:04:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like farting in bed and then pulling the sheets over my head so I can bask in the smell of my farts.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-11-29 15:58:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah. Tickets just went onsale a week or so ago. (And they're only $5 [plus a service charge])
It's at the Newport Music Hall.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-29 15:54:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Mike, you going to the Spoon show in C-bus on December 9th?
-------------------------------------------
Dammit I had no clue!!! Is it still possible to get tickets? What venue will it be?
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-29 15:52:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-11-29 15:48:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
You made a you're/your mistake. Repent and you shall be saved.
----------------------------------------------------------------
AHHHHHHHH
Lord....please forgive me for I have sinned....
I had an affair with NerfHerder's roomate/mom/dad/preacher/son/bear/dinner. HA!
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-11-29 15:50:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
PS
I'm up for an Ohiocon, seeing as I live in Ohio.
PPS
Mike, you going to the Spoon show in C-bus on December 9th?
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-29 15:49:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-29 15:42:14 (#)
Ranking: 1
Psyche? Wow, I have 1993 on the line for you...he says its urgent...
----------------------------------------------
Wow...that joke you just used called and said you are a total fucking douchebag. I'm just as suprised as you are.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-11-29 15:48:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You made a you're/your mistake. Repent and you shall be saved.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-11-29 15:44:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
look, i'm all for mountains just as much as the next guy. fuck, i'd make mount everest king if it would've done a better job of population control, but it didn't. so fuck mountains and their stupid volcanic revolutions. if i had my way, which i rarely do, but if i did, i'd go all davey crocket fisticuffs on said mountains and show them why i have opposable thumbs and am therefore atop the food chain because i can make guns and other neat shiny things.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-29 15:42:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Psyche? Wow, I have 1993 on the line for you...he says its urgent...
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-11-29 15:40:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks guys. I sent these poems out to like, everyone I know. Hopefully someone will have the sense to publish them and make crazy cash off of my namesake. Also, would anyone be interested in a possible Ohiocon hosted by me around 2nd week of december? We could like, do,......
We could get totally wasted!
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-11-29 15:38:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Drive-by +2
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-11-29 15:32:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a fucking freak. I wanna freak on your freakinessness. Let's get freaky, freakshow.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-11-29 15:32:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Poems 4 and 5 should be a Hallmark card.
<Wipes Tear>