The Dirty Mexican Conspiracy to make me Shit my Pants (950 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.88 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rand0m Herö (View user info) at 2005-12-01 14:00:59 EST
I fucking love Taco Bell.
If I could, I would eat it for every meal.
It Taco Bell was a woman, I would knock her unconcious, rape her, and keep her locked in my basement until the police arrived.
...
I'm kidding. I don't have a basement.
So yesterday, I was fortunate enough to get my ass out of the office for some Taco Bell. I woofed that shit down like it was going out of style and left with a big stupid grin. Of course, I also left with about 1 pound of Mexican beef and sauce having a goddamn fiesta in my lower intestine. I get back to work, talk to my friend at the desk next to me, and all is well... for about 5 minutes.
Oh... God... "Excuse me." I'm trying to tell my friend this as I'm mid-sprinting down the hall to get to the bathroom. I was literally gonna shit myself if I had gone any slower. Down the hall and to the left, 4 seconds later, I'm kicking the door down to get in and reserve my throne. THANK GOD! It's clean! Believe me, you'd be amazed at how many people piss all over the seat in our bathrooms out of spite. Yeah, I do it too, but that's beside the point.
Don't worry, I'm not going to describe my shitting experience. I'm sure you all have done it, or had someone do it ON you *cough* GoodGirl *cough*.
All said and done, I reach over for some toilet paper. Put my hand up and inside the little dispenser thing... what the fuck? *Crickets chirpping* WHAT THE FUCK?!?!1!!!11!one!!1?
You guessed it. The goddamn Mexican cleaning lady didn't put toilet paper in here.
That dirty, dirty bitch. I swear to God, when I see her again, I'm going to shove her tacky sombrero up her fat lazy ass. I'm stuck here. My ass looks like a used fondue pot, and there's no fucking paper. No one is in the bathroom with me right now though. It's the perfect time for me to sneak over to the next stall and grab some and rush back before anyone sees. Come on RandomHero! Be swift, you stupid fuck!
I'm like a I do a James Bond-style spin to get over to the other stall, all the while, keeping my ass from view if anyone were to walk in. I grab the first roll I see, rip it off of the dispenser peg, and turn around to go back to my throne. No sooner as I grabbed the roll, someone walked in. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck. That was way too close. Fortunately, I made it back in time to close the stall door without anyone seeing.
Moral of the Story:
Mexicans are dirty, dirty pranksters. They should only be allowed to make tacos and quesadillas.
FIN.
User Reviews
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2005-12-01 19:51:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was actually really funny. I am a guy, after alll, and guys like the very dumbest shit in the world.
Submitted by Eggy1988 (user info) at 2005-12-01 16:34:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
+1 for racism.
-1 for linkwhore.
-1 for crappy image I've seen before.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-01 15:02:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmm...I'm getting Taco Bell on the way home tonight.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-12-01 14:56:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was at the mall the other day and I had to use the bathroom. Of course I picked the stall with no toilet paper. It took me 5 minutes to get the skanks checking themselves out in the mirror to hand me some under the door.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-12-01 14:54:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My ass looks like a used fondue pot, and there's no fucking paper.
------------
+1 Best simile ever!!!!!!!
+1 Overt racism!
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-01 14:52:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The post wasn't that good, but the pic with it was definitely worth a +1.
Submitted by Rondo_Mondo (user info) at 2005-12-01 14:49:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That Taco Bell s's are the worst thing to ever happen to man. But that's the consequences you take for eating such a lovely meal.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-12-01 14:07:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh.
taco bell is quite good, but i find it not to be worth the 45 minutes on the bowl afterward.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-01 14:03:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
tired