I Haves Me a Black Chick (1515 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.59 on 46 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <Jimmo> (View user info) at 2005-12-02 12:13:53 EST
This is a response to "I Wants Me a Black Chick" and many of the other stereotypical portrayals of black women.
I have a black chick! Or more accurately I'm honoured to be the white boyfriend of my African Queen.
It's better than great!
The lady is 29, tall, slim, beautiful (she was the ex "Miss" of her region) and has superfine braids, delicate tribal scars and a big beaming smile. I would include a picture, but I won't take the risk.
When we are out in public (Midlands, UK), I can't describe the reaction. I am thirty in age, seventeen by appearance (I still get asked to prove my age), pale as you like, thin and an English gentleman by behaviour.
Wherever we go we are the centre of attention, people too intimidated to talk to her, approach me with cautious respect. I get a stunned questioning glance from the few black gentlemen we've come across and unabashed fawning respect from any wiggers.
I think it might have something to do with people's understanding that anybody white, dating a desirable black MTV video hottie, will at some time face extreme competition, hostility and ultimately violence.
I'll deal with it when it happens
The thing is that although she could have stepped out of a video, she is the most refreshingly normal woman I think I've ever met.
She takes incredible care of her appearance, goes to church (is cool with people who hate organised religion (aka me)), and has a diploma in marketing though works as a cleaning lady in my office. Not the normal stereotype.
That's how I met her, chatting to her whilst she cleaned my desk, sorting her out personalised reggae compilation CDs.
She had never heard of Reggae (apart from Marley), though she is an R&B fiend. And I expect a torrent of abuse for enjoying some R&B, but I'm telling you now, standing looking unruffled as she grinds against me, would give anybody an appreciation.
Goddamn, I say Goddamn.
I have a theory about the negative stereotypes used on ubersite; I reckon it is usually a reflection of their own negativity. They won't get to know the positive stereotypes out there, because good positive people won't go near them.
I did enjoy Cali's piece and I am familiar with said stereotype, but my woman wouldn't go near him. I'm not knocking the guy, I'm sure he gets loads, but based on stories like this: http://www.ubersite.com/m/80191 , he sounds a little in love with risk.
"But fuck me, I just can't leave good enough alone.
I pull out my pistol, point it at my temple, then at him, as if telling him "Your ass is mine.""
I would only need to do something like that once and she would be gone.
Similarly if I pulled her hair, it takes five hours and £80 for cornrows and braids, no shit she would lose it.
In conclusion, if there is a fine Nubian Princess in your life, have a go, find out for yourself. Personally now that I've gone black, I don't want to go back.
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-20 08:32:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's all good.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 09:27:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
C1ndy, I'm not I promise, you can't hold someone accountable for their culture, you have to judge them on a person to person basis.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 09:24:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Positive stereotypes are not a problem though.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-12-29 09:03:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:43:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh the party was very stereotypical, but they were good people.
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Never said they were bad people. I just mean from what you describe, she fits several stereotypes, just not all the negative ones.
I will save my reike=retarded, and -2 comments for your other post, but it is hard. That stuff really pisses me off. Especially from someone who is against organized religion, but then turns around and believes some guy who drinks green tea all day can magically read and affect the life force of others. If I am going to believes in BS I prefer a bearded deity who will give me wings and a harp when I die.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:59:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:43:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh the party was very stereotypical, but they were good people. There where a few great moments though:
A huge 7 footplus blackman untroduced himself with over 8 complicated names, I looked him square in the eye and solumnly told him that i would never forget that. He laughed his head off.
When the neighbour came round to complain, in a lull in the argument, one pipes up with "It's because we're black". And everybody and I mean everybody turned on him with such a look, like "oh you bastard", Bongi, her cousin, just replied "we don't want to turn that page today".
The 60 year old Irish landlord then started screaming abuse at the neighbour and it was all solved.
----
You are living the life of a chav. Sort it out.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:43:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh the party was very stereotypical, but they were good people. There where a few great moments though:
A huge 7 footplus blackman untroduced himself with over 8 complicated names, I looked him square in the eye and solumnly told him that i would never forget that. He laughed his head off.
When the neighbour came round to complain, in a lull in the argument, one pipes up with "It's because we're black". And everybody and I mean everybody turned on him with such a look, like "oh you bastard", Bongi, her cousin, just replied "we don't want to turn that page today".
The 60 year old Irish landlord then started screaming abuse at the neighbour and it was all solved.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:26:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:05:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
Erm Ninja, she likes being called an African Queen. I went to her Christmass eve party and all her friends told me that she is their queen.
More than a bit freaky, but shall post about party sometime soon. Features 4 white people to 60 black odds, missunderstandings, 50cent lookalikes and the neighbours complaining.
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haha, that still seems pretty stereotypical.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:05:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Erm Ninja, she likes being called an African Queen. I went to her Christmass eve party and all her friends told me that she is their queen.
More than a bit freaky, but shall post about party sometime soon. Features 4 white people to 60 black odds, missunderstandings, 50cent lookalikes and the neighbours complaining.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-12-29 07:55:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Way to shoot down the stereotype by calling her your african queen.
Cleans offices and has tribal scarring? Pretty sweet.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 07:45:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's great being British!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-29 07:38:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh thank god
I was sick of rating these things honestly.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-12-29 07:21:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
auto brit thingy that now i am in england i am resurrecting.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 06:41:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
He is, notice how he does not reply after his attempt on my lady. he is ubersite's sex pest.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-29 06:04:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm laughing at Berty's sleazy lines. What a cad.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-05 09:08:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well she does occasionally say "ja" instead of yes, but Zulu is her first language, then Afrikaans and then English. That obtained from American videos and films.
I'm sure she can do a descent impression of Afrikaans.
She is also using local slang and hearing her call someone mate is the funniest thing.
And sorry Berty, we have discussed threesomes and she is unwilling to share, there is also the matter of the que.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-05 08:49:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhhhhhh YESS!! Does she have an afffrikkkans accent? Does she say "bleck"? Can we get her to say "Diplomatic Immunity!"?
If she does all these things can we have a threesome (I don't care what you people look like as long as only she can talk)?
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-05 08:32:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-05 08:12:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahh... he's in lurve.
That said, she can get a better job than a cleaning lady if she works in the midlands.
We should all go out for drinks.
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Apparently her four years experience working in a bank and her qualifications don't count because they are from South Africa. She has just started an English course in computers.
I, for my sins, live in Cheltenham but would be definitely be up for drinks. My lady is more than shy, but I should be able to lure her out.
I'm horribly busy at the moment; have a gig mixing all styles of tunes for the whole of New Years Eve in a posh pub and one before that. If your New Years Eves are anything like my past ones ie. loads of big plans cumulating in an unfamiliar pub listening to shite, you should come down.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-05 08:12:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahh... he's in lurve.
That said, she can get a better job than a cleaning lady if she works in the midlands.
We should all go out for drinks.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-05 07:57:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry Cali forgot to linkwhore the originating post http://www.ubersite.com/m/79991.
And also RyuFu post : http://www.ubersite.com/m/79657
And cheers DrSeussman.
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2005-12-02 22:40:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'm not knocking the guy, I'm sure he gets loads"
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You bet your sweet ass I do
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-12-02 16:56:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Ferretnose (user info) at 2005-12-02 14:47:13 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-02 14:04:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
however, you should see some of the country negresses we have in the Deep South - an ass the size of Louisiana, and the attitude to match it.
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You got that right- and for some reason, they always have these hideously long, gaudily decorated, and presumably expensive fake nail jobs. Which they must take extreme care of not to pop off their fingers as they are ringing up your order at Mc D's or Popeye's. Hehe. I thought I was the only one who used the word "negress" besides my 90 year old grandma.
_________________
have you ever seen those girls try to pick up coins off a flat surface?
it's fun for the whole family!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-02 15:52:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
What's a Nubian?
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
*sits*
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2005-12-02 15:03:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good for you man!
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-12-02 14:59:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Speaking of dating black chicks: http://www.ubersite.com/m/79657
Submitted by Ferretnose (user info) at 2005-12-02 14:47:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-02 14:04:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
however, you should see some of the country negresses we have in the Deep South - an ass the size of Louisiana, and the attitude to match it.
---------------
You got that right- and for some reason, they always have these hideously long, gaudily decorated, and presumably expensive fake nail jobs. Which they must take extreme care of not to pop off their fingers as they are ringing up your order at Mc D's or Popeye's. Hehe. I thought I was the only one who used the word "negress" besides my 90 year old grandma.
Submitted by Kindred (user info) at 2005-12-02 14:33:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Judging by the picture, I'd hit it. Nice tits but a little lacking in the facial department.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-02 14:04:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
black English chicks are teh hottness.
however, you should see some of the country negresses we have in the Deep South - an ass the size of Louisiana, and the attitude to match it.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-02 13:40:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fair enuff, can't risk losing woman over this though. And I have seen what happens when you post pics of girlfriends on this site.
Shall stop camping soon and go home, but shall answer any questions when I come back.
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2005-12-02 13:33:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for good post. -1 for no real pic of the African Queen.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-02 13:10:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn it I do. It's everything I've dreamt of, I thinks I'm in love.
Still playing hard to get though.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2005-12-02 13:00:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So to sum up this post, you like your midnight snack.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-12-02 12:44:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think it might have something to do with people's understanding that anybody white, dating a desirable black MTV video hottie, will at some time face extreme competition, hostility and ultimately violence.
I'll deal with it when it happens
___________________________
Heh
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-02 12:40:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Must watch this film....
My every urge says resist, thing is I'm a Reggae/ DanceHall DJ, it would fit my idiom.
What do you reckon?
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2005-12-02 12:37:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
she wants you to get cornrows? that is soo Lafawnduh.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-02 12:37:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2005-12-02 12:23:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
that's a lot of blessing for someone who's against organized religion
I'm the High Priest of my own religion, I can bless whom I want.
Bless you.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-02 12:32:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
* Comes back a bit horrified *
Mmmm close but not quite.
Well, I'm lacking the moustache, side parting (she is trying to get me to do cornrows, I'm scared), white shirt and I'm possibly a bit better looking.
My woman pisses* all over that LaFawnduh though (has nicer hair).
* That's not literally you understand, just Good old British Slang.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-12-02 12:29:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for boomslang's comment. Research "Napoleon Dynamite" to see what they look like.
As for this: "has a diploma in marketing though works as a cleaning lady"....what's so abnormal about that? I thought that's the job you get with that degree...
BA-ZZZING!!
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-12-02 12:25:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Doc: We have to go back to the future again!
Marty: What is it this time Doc?
Doc: It's your daughter, Marty. She's going to marry a black man!
Marty: I really don't have a problem with that.
Doc: You don't?
Marty: I'm not comfortable around you anymore.
Doc: Did you know peanut butter was invented by a black man?
Marty: Too late, Doc.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-02 12:24:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2005-12-02 12:20:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
"I am thirty in age, seventeen by appearance (I still get asked to prove my age), pale as you like, thin and an English gentleman by behaviour."
so when you guys go out you look like Kip Dynamite and LaFawnduh Lucas?
Ah, showing my lack of TV, I don't know what they look like. * goes away and does quick research *
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2005-12-02 12:23:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
that's a lot of blessing for someone who's against organized religion
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Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-02 12:21:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
Bless you all, I was expecting a torrent of abuse. I'm not trying to rub anything in (can't help sniggering a bit though).
Life is fun.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-02 12:21:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bless you all, I was expecting a torrent of abuse. I'm not trying to rub anything in (can't help sniggering a bit though).
Life is fun.
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2005-12-02 12:20:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I am thirty in age, seventeen by appearance (I still get asked to prove my age), pale as you like, thin and an English gentleman by behaviour."
so when you guys go out you look like Kip Dynamite and LaFawnduh Lucas?
Submitted by Skribbez (user info) at 2005-12-02 12:20:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You know what they say: "once you go black, you never go back".
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-02 12:18:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
Must...
Resist....
Urges...To...
Say...Something...Evil.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-12-02 12:17:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Aye aye, rub it in then ya fanny.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-12-02 12:16:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Jungle Fever