Crazy tales of the Malkie-Mom vol.1 (628 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.71 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Malkavian (View user info) at 2005-12-05 01:43:52 EST
People say I'm a litlle insane, but really, it's only normal seing the fact that mymother is a psycho.
A real one, I mean.
I do realise that whinning about my mother on Ubersite isn't the most mature way to cope with it, but, meh. It's not like a rationalise a lot. So, moving on:
Last year me and my mother were in the car, driving back home from college. So we were chatting harmlessly when suddenly, she spots the car right in front of us.
Ok, owning a vagina, I don't know much about cars. But I DO know that in the 70's-80'S, cars were pretty much all built on the same frame. It's a trend. Just like today's car very much look alike to me. There are differences but basically....ok, you get it.
You know those old kinda square-shaped cars? Those who génerally has a large trunk? They kinda all have a large trunk (compared to today's car), but in my mother's mind, this was clearly intended by the owners of that particular car in front of us.
"Oh! My God!" she gasped. "Look at that car! The trunk is HUGE! Surely they are criminals hiding a corpse!!!"
And she said it without the tiniest trace of sarcasm or any other kind of humor. She was serious about it.
At this point, the setting is important. I live in a *veeery* calm suburbia near Montreal where there's more trees than people. I'm surrounded by very large mansions owned by millionaires. Let's just say that the crime scene here, if there is any, is'nt a very big one.
So I glanced at my mom.
"Surely, you're kidding."
"I don't joke about things like this!" Here eyes were as big as two untalented pop star boobs, she was clearly in a high state of panic.
Then, moments later, she moved the car in front of them. While I was trying to calm her down, I glanced at the people that were in the large-trunk car. Of course, no criminals there. I only saw a couple of high schools kids going to the nearest shitty bar (the only kind that there is here) laugning and listening to shitty music (aka trendy hip hop or whatever).
"DON'T YOU LOOK AT THEM!!!"
I jumped. My mom was red with rage.
"ARE YOU CRAZY?!? NOW THEY'RE COMING AFTER US! WE KNOW TOO MUCH!"
We were almost home by then. There was only a straight road to our home, but she then managed to take other small roads in a different direction.
"What are you doing?" I legitimely asked.
"Loosing them" she answered, as if the town was some kind of a big maze full of traps like in the movies. "I won't let them know where we live!"
Of course our "criminals" continued on the main road without following us, but, even after pointing that fact to my mother, she wouldn't hear me.
She then proceded to get back to the main road. Slowly, looking all around to see if they were not lurking from some unsuspected dark corner (we were in mid-afternoon)even though they drove by ten minutes ago.
All the way she lectured me about my reckless behavior that could have us killed.
She's a maniac. I mean, no criminal right in their mind would steal from us. AS I said, we live in a very rich suburbia but *we* live just a little further in a less wealthy ghetto. We drive a '92 Ford Escort for Christ's sake! Everyone else owns a fucking BMW! Who would follow us, really?!?
The worst part of it is that she did that a few times after that. ANd I get to live with her 24 hour/24.
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Sorry for the selling/gramar/syntax mistakes. I'm not English. Woe is me.
User Reviews
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-01-28 11:36:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by malkavian (user info) at 2005-12-05 18:45:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm no alter, unfortunately. Life would be so mush easier *sighs*
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-05 18:34:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, we need some French-Canadian chicks to balance out this site (even though this is probably ess-arr's alter)
So, can you post a pic? HAHA I GOT TO ASK FOR CAMWHORE FIRST!
Submitted by Youphoric (user info) at 2005-12-05 12:58:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Don't call me Shirley.
(Sorry, it kept popping in my head)
I wish I had a psycho mom. The opportunity for fun would present itself way too much.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-05 09:12:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I like the French. I didn't like this though, sorry.
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-12-05 03:17:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey yuvalset... shut your mouth until you've contributed something worth reading!
Or contribute something at all!
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-12-05 03:14:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
because your english is better then mine and I live in an English speaking country... just not an English speaking state. Fuck Miami, FL and their non English billboards/street signs/bank tellers/ANYTHING!... please let me move to Iowa where all there is is stupid honky holy rollers who want to burn me on a cross.
One time I travelled out to Belleglade (out by lake Okeechobee) at night time. I was with a group of multi-cultured friends ranging between cuban, black and asian (we drove a big car with a big trunk). We got pulled over because my brother Ian went into a convenience store in a trench coat. The cop searched our car and found a spare gas can in the trunk (as our vehicle guzzled fuel) and proceded to ask/interogate us about what 'hate crimes' we were out there doing.
"Out to burn some niggers are we?"
Who is the racist?
Submitted by yuvalset (user info) at 2005-12-05 03:10:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
if you're fucking french don't post
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-12-05 01:55:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sorry for the selling/gramar/syntax mistakes. I'm not English. Woe is me.""
I was about to -2 for this for the english but since you're a froggy I'll let it slide. Welcome to uber Mrs Caul. I mean Malkavian.