Celebrities should have to suck my dick to stay famous. (1781 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 0 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CHR15 (View user info) at 2005-12-05 05:40:55 EST
Seriously, what the fuck have they ever done for me?
Lets start with music television, I have a shitload of music channels, and I never see any of the music videos I want to see, it's all preteen goop served up so that fat fucking record producers / managers, like the infamous Simon Cowell can line their fat fucking pockets with innocent young girl's money.
Alright fuck it, you got me, girl's aren't innocent anymore are they?
Then there is radio. It's the same shit as on the music channels!? Where do the "real" artists get their chance to shine? In bars and clubs because they aren't profitable enough? You might say that it's ok Chris, we like playing in dingy little shitholes for a bunch of rowdy rednecks, but I say you are a fucking liar and you can suck my dick.
Fuck The Black Eyed Peas,
Fuck that gay ass show "Rockstar INXS" you fucking bunch of anal invaders,
Fuck Bowling For Soup,
Fuck Maroon 5,
Fuck Fifty Cent
And most of all fuck R Kelly in his stupid child raping penis hole.
<Alright fuck it, you got me, girl's aren't innocent anymore are they?>
Lets go back to that for a second, why do they feel the need to plaster their faces in so much make up they would scare the crypt keeper? Why do they wear belts as skirts with their thongs sticking out of the top? I say it's Gwen Stefani and Jessica Simpson.
Fuck Gwen Stefani
And Fuck Jessica Simpson
You can both suck my dick, but don't think I'm going to enjoy it, I'd rather be raped by a dead vulture's head, it's just... well... it's for your own good you know? You get to stay famous and I will buy your tripe, just as long as you are providing me some sort of service. Actually I prefer "compensation" for the emotional damage you have caused me and my split personality.
*cries emo tears*
I would never let my daughter go out looking like a tramp when she is 12 years old, fuck that, I'd like to think I would make a better parent than that.
"Hi Chris, I'm Jack Dee!"
"Oh hey Jack, why are you famous?"
"Well I was really funny for a while, I used my sarcasm to share jokes with the population in hilarious stand up shows. I was even still pretty funny when I sold out and starred in beer ads with penguins..."
"Ahh, yeah I think I remember, you were funny, so what happened man?
"I don't like to talk about it.."
"Come now Jack, we are all adults here..."
"Ok, well don't laugh but.. I kinda went on celebrity big brother and tried to escape to get people to notice me..."
"BwahahahAHHAHAHAHAahahah!!!!!"
"I SAID DON'T LAUGH YOU BASTARD!"
"Fuck you Jack Dee, suck my dick and you shall have your career back"
Jack Dee is such a cunt.
Celebs often give their children names that by normal standards seem a little well... strange. Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow named their baby Apple!? WTF!? The Beckhams have Romeo!?
Do me a favour you retards, send your kids to the same private school, as I will only be able to afford to send one of mine there to beat the living shit out of them.
Oh by the way Stevie Wonder... you're black!
Friends was the gayest shittest show I have ever had the distinct displeasure to see. What a load of fucking bullshit, nobody lives like that. The "friends" are a bunch of bottom dwelling shit rapers and I bet that they are all paedophiles.
Here are the top ten things you should know about the pituary retards in friends:
1. The first line of dialogue in the very first pilot episode of Friends was "There's nothing to tell. - [Now that's comedy right there, they could have just left it at the one opening line and I would have fonder memories of the whole stinking series.]
2. A 30-second commercial during the break in the show in America cost advertisers £500,000. - [Just a suggestion - advertise at a different time and give the change to underprivileged children or some shit.]
3. Other titles considered for the series included "Once upon a time in the West Village", "Insomnia Café" and "Across the Hall". The original title, "Friends like Us", was shortened to the current one-worder. - [Congratulations at least you didn't choose one of the others, that would have rocketed the show to even higher levels of gayness.]
4. The six characters full names are Rachel Green (Jennifer Aniston), Monica Geller (Courteney Cox), Phoebe Buffay (Lisa Kudrow), Joey Tribbiani (Matt le Blanc), Chandler Bing (Matthew Perry) and Ross Geller (David Schwimmer). - [Really? Go on...]
5. According to Aniston, her famous "Rachel" hairdo was created by accident when her "friend" Chris cut her hair with a razor. - [It's just a shame he missed her neck, better luck next time buddy.]
6. Courteney Cox, who was born and raised in Birmingham, Alabama, is known as CC to friends and family. - [I think I just shit myself with excitement! I hope her friends and family don't die... no I lied!]
7. David Schwimmer attended Beverly Hills High, the school on which the series Beverly Hills: 90210 was based. - [Reports suggest the opening to hell was located in Beverly Hills High, and it was only with the last episode of friends that it closed.]
8. Matthew Perry appeared in Beverly Hills: 90210 earlier in his career. He said of his role: "Its kind of a blur, but I remember playing the most popular kid in school who ends up with a gun in his mouth because his Dad is so overbearing". - [That'll be the Vicadin fucktard.]
9. Perry's wit is so legendary that the scriptwriters have often incorporated his gags into the show. - [Really? I don't remember anything funny about the show let alone him.]
10. Cox had the honour of being the first person to say "period" on American TV, making a commercial for Tampax. - [Appropriate seeing as how she is a bit of a cuntrag.]
Fuck Friends, they can all suck my dick.
"Ok, so where are you going with this Chris?"
I don't know, maybe I'm just a dreamer but it seems to me celebrities should start giving something solid back to the public. A blow job here and there, maybe some kind of lottery for them to fuck a member of public once a year...
The celebs are packed into a dirty bingo hall, the caller announces...
Caller "Ahem.. two fat ladies 88!"
Mena Suvari "Chris Allisstone in Welwyn Garden City?"
Chris "Alrighhhhhht"
User Reviews
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-10-19 14:25:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
because truth is better than fiction.
5/5
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-12-05 15:12:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nah, I'm wearing a shirt today...
I know.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-05 13:32:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You still got those kneepads.....err, elbowpads.......wristbands going???
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-12-05 12:54:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
At least I didn't camwhore Shlongy.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-05 12:43:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I don't think you asked for enough female pseudo-celebs, Brucie.
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-12-05 12:39:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll take that as a compliment wether you want me to or not dude. *sticks fingers in ears and hums*
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-05 11:12:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I may be one of the only ones who enjoys your sense of humor
Which doesn't say a whole heck of a lot about me
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-12-05 08:51:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-05 08:26:42 (#)
Ranking: -1
For someone who really hates Friends, you sure do know a lot about it.
=
W0W U USED DA lNTAWEB THlNGY TA POST AN REVIEW.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-05 08:26:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
For someone who really hates Friends, you sure do know a lot about it.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-12-05 07:21:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Reasonably entertaining, with a valid point.
I feel a need to defend Jack Dee, as he went to my sixth form- but then again, he is a cunt.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-12-05 07:21:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Oh, and I LOVE the thong coming out over the hips thing.
Boo-yah.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-12-05 07:20:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Yeah, the swearing thing -- this wasn't funny, it just came off as senseless insults from a bitter, crotchety person.
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-12-05 06:25:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2005-12-05 06:05:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh.
So much swearing made it a little tiresome.
=
You're right, thanks for the feedback.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2005-12-05 06:05:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh.
So much swearing made it a little tiresome.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2005-12-05 06:04:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
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